[bizzyfizzy]

Hi :confused:

I’m a late 30s gal seeing 2 yrs older male, not that seriously though I'd like more. We both work, no kids. During 7 years together he ended it twice and me twice. We’ve not met each other’s relations though he’s met my brother and one of my girlfriends. He is an only child


We tend to cook meals at each other’s places, watch films, debate etc. I would like to go out more though it isn’t imperative. In the last two years I’ve become assertive if I feel taken for granted, I was meek before.
Both of us have separated parents so only grew up with one parent, his dad is dead 12 years. He had a hateful relationship with his mum which he took out a bit on me, I tolerated because I cared about him. They’re much better now.

What’s upsetting me is this - Four months ago he mocked my family separation (my mum left my dad, because he found out my dad’s pet cat ran away when he was a boy). I got very upset because he was flippant and to joke as my dad who has struggled to bring two kids up with no woman present.
When we spoke on the phone I told him at least my parents were married before they had kids and this showed respect unlike his parents (his parents were never married you see) to which he got angry and told me to F***-Off twice and hung up. I didn’t really think badly of his parents but I was upset at what he said. I’ve never sworn at him though he has at me before.

I tried calling afterwards, he kept hiding bcos he didn’t want to face my anger. When we eventually spoke on the phone (a month ago) an argument ensued and he threw stuff in my face that he didn’t care if I have only one parent in my life, it’s my family and my life, blah blah which hurt tremendously. He said he wouldn’t apologise for swearing at me because I was shouting at him. I told him I don’t think he cares for me and I hung up.

A month ago I phoned to apologise for what I said about his parents, he did the same for the joke he made about my dad. He says he cares for me and wants to keep in touch but I am still upset over him throwing my absent parent in my face and want an apology. Also if he doesn’t apol for swearing at me I won't see him again. He said he would call but hasn't, I've called but he said he was busy. To this day I haven't heard

It’s been four months since we saw each other and I'm not happy. To me his behaviour does not show me he cares. Am I being harsh?

[Justwantfair]

This relationship is toxic and you are holding out for an apology you don't need.

The relationship is over, as it should be and you need to continue with No Contact and start working on yourself. Whether he did things wrong, you were fighting below the belt as well and you have to focus on how you are going to have healthy relationships in the future.

[bizzyfizzy]

Yeah last time we spoke, according to him he was going through all sorts with his life. I don't know if this was an excuse or not. His house phone keeps ringing, maybe he has unplugged it or changed the number? His mobile is functioning though. I don't understand why he changed his mind after sounding so genuine when we spoke last.

[talaniman]

You have already broken up twice, so maybe its strike three your out.

Shame that 7 years goes by the wayside, because you kids don't know how to play together, and still are having hissy fits.

[inashdeen]

Assalamualaikum.
Blizzyflizzy, you have a very pity love-hate relationship and sometimes I believe it can be suicidal. You both come from a shattered family, I mean, you and him, but both are denial of that fact. Man are ego, but that doesn't mean they have the right to be merciless. I think it is better for you both to go on a friend-mode relationship for two months, and ask yourself, do you still have love in him? Be a bit selfish, do not care if he still love you or not. If in that two months, you got an answer to you Q's, go on with iti and never go back. Hope to hear from you in da future.