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suthern gurl · Mar 24, 2009, 08:13 PM

Me and my ex husband have been off in on together for 10yrs we got married young and we have 3 kids together .We have been down a rough road we got a divorce and then a moth later got back together.He leaves me all the time one min. he loves me and the next he don't.I really do love him and but I am so tired of getting hurt... How do I let go,stop loving him and move on.. I can't do it.. it is so hard... I need help...

dealmein · Mar 24, 2009, 08:31 PM

Lets see the "NC" fanatics try and actually think a solution to this one lol

You have to be strong you've been through a lot with him over 10 years getting married and having kids. Realising you have to split with him for good is an important step. Its sadly going to be the easiest step for a while though.

Your basically trying to reprogram yourself into not being with him and being on your own. You will always love him that's a given you married him and had kids with him he'll always be around you but you have to try and realise its not healthy for you if you're being hurt all the time.

YOU deserve more than this. If he can't provide it then you have to find it for YOURSELF. Realise that a quick fix and false promises won't solve this. No contact is a great rule but you have children so its not possible to put into place. You just have to think of him as the father of your children and treat him with that respect.

mudweiser · Mar 25, 2009, 12:39 AM

This man comes back when he wants to- and well that is not fair to you or the children [I bet dad coming and going is quite confusing].

I'm happy you have realized that you need to let him go. Like the last poster said, it won't be easy after making that decision.

My best advice to you would be talk to him only when it has to do with the children. Other than that keep it short and simple. If you don't have a job, go get one [easier said than done, I know]. The main thing is, you need to keep yourself busy, but in a productive way. If you have a job, try doing activities with the children [do age appropriate things with them]. You also need your own time; so maybe next weekend, go get a haircut, dye it, get pampered. Make some new friends, engage in social activities. For example here in my town we have festivals and little community events, go to them. Arrange a pot-luck at your local church [if you attend], if that's your thing. Do something your passionate about.

Keep yourself healthy too! If you want to cry, cry! If you have no close friends or relatives AMHD is always here for support.

MRS.S

kctiger · Mar 25, 2009, 05:40 AM

The best thing about your situation is that you clearly have a bigger thing to live for, your children. Obviously you cannot just quit loving someone, and frankly, you will probably love him your entire life, as he is a major part of it.

Cutting down on the interactions with him (except for the obvious, unavoidable ones), and also realizing that your children deserve a happy mother who isn't constantly being hurt by their father, is one way to fast track yourself into a mindset that becomes about you, and the children, and nothing else. Love isn't supposed to hurt, regardless of what any song says, and when it does hurt, over and over again, you know that it just isn't the answer to any long term problems.

Focus on yourself, and your children, and fight for both... the freedom of both to be happy, together, and independent of anything that hurts you. Good luck!

talaniman · Mar 28, 2009, 04:59 PM

KC is correct, as just because he is the father of your kids, doesn't mean you two work well together as a unit.

You can be good parents without living together. Just put your kids first, and make sure they grow up happy and healthy. That's the first priority.

Your tied to this man through your children, so let that motivate you to do whatever it takes to be happy yourself, and let the court do the rest.

LoveStoned · Mar 28, 2009, 08:22 PM

Originally Posted by suthern gurl

Me and my ex husband have been off in on together for 10yrs we got married young and we have 3 kids together .We have been down a rough road we got a divorce and then a moth later got back together.He leaves me all the time one min. he loves me and the next he don't.I really do love him and but i am so tired of getting hurt...How do i let go,stop loving him and move on..I can't do it..it is so hard...I need help...

As I've been told before, its an addiction you have to break loose from. He's not being considerate on the fact that he's actually affecting the family as a whole. The kids are seeing him come and go as he pleases... No good. And as for you... 10 years is a long time but I can relate to that of holding on to one of 7 years. I'm still trying to get over it, but I would suggest therapy and/or group counceling. This way you socialize with people going through the same situation that can help you cope with your situation. Learn how to be happy with yourself... Take time to heal yourself from the pain... and you will see the situation for what it truely is. AND GO NO CONTACT!!