[ka1]

I can't imagine being in NOT being love with someone that does all those things. I geuss there may be women that would do that I might not ever meet because they are not my type or whatever--like for instance, and I'm just using this as an example, a woman that smokes and has tattoos all over. I would never approach her. But if I've approached a woman and started dating her, then it highly likely that if she gives me the stuff above I would end up loving her.

[ka1]

Ok, so I'm over the agony. So can someone tell me why in the GOD#$% NAME OF ZEUS I STILL HAVE THE URGE TO CALL THE DAMN WITCH.:mad:

[Romefalls19]

It hasn't been that long, I'm glad you are angry though, you will stick to NC better that way. No it's not pathetic, everybody went through this process.

[A mouse]

The pain is just one part of the breakup process, and the whole thing is a long journey that will suck. Of course you still want to call her, you still feel connected to her in a way because you're not even close to being over her. Don't you call her though, it'll set you nearly back to square one and the pain will come back into your life.

-Mouse

[mrpigz]

Ka1, thanks for sharing this post with us. I find it very meaningful. I had lost my girlfriend of around 1 year + , about 2 months ago.

After reading your post, I felt more, how should I say, more relax? I mean I had always blame myself for the whole entire failure in my relationship. But I always overlook the problem of her being not committed.

You are right, maybe my ex was also young... not committed... and there was no equalities.. .

Thanks for your wonderful post.

[ka1]

The peace of last week is dissipating, and dissipating fast. I’m all caught up today. Its distracting, annoying, and ticking me off—but not in a good way. I’m sick of pining away. My heart wants what it wants, fine I get that. But can it just shut the f%ing hell up. Other than empty words on the phone, I’ve seen nothing but a steady, and deliberate walking away from all that was me and Tina since January. Nothing has been shown to make me believe that she is wondering if she is doing the right thing. I know she isn’t, but if what I thought mattered, we would not be apart, and the U.S. economy would be fixed already. What I think is not important. Still, the side of me is thinking about sending a funny birthday card next week, talking to her mother, using power affirmations to use the Laws of Attraction to bring her back, or pulling out my credit card and buying one of the zillion, “Get My Ex Back” e-books floating on the web. My , sappy, “I’m so in love” side is thinking (pronounced rationalizing) hey if can buy a book from Border’s, I can spend the same amount on a book on getting her back. Maybe it will work. Maybe it will help the economy. Maybe I’m just freaking delusional, and I have to just admit I screwed up. We weren’t meant to be, I was wrong about proposing, we were never that close, and I should have left 4 years ago when I almost broke up with her then. Where would I be now. Not writing a blog or posting to web forums about how pitiful I feel, or angry, or upset over a girl that is not feeling any of these things that I’m going through. I wouldn’t be wondering what kind of person can say yes to a proposal and then walk away like they were making a mistake. Umm after 7 yrs your knew everything you needed to know. I could see if I popped the question after like 6 months. I wouldn’t be searching for words of kindness from anyone I can find to make or help me feel better. I wouldn’t be doing any of this.

But could have, should have, would have. I swear if I could pull a “Total Recall” scenario I would erase the last 7yrs in a heartbeat. I don’t care how expensive it would be. I’d do it, and just move on. Of course, if such a sci-fi scenario was possible, knowing my luck…she’d do the same thing, and we’d end up dating again anyway—without realizing we knew each other already. :confused:

[ladylavender1]

Your not weak. Ending a relationship is always devastating no matter what the circumstances are. Obviously if you were married you expected to be together forever. A separation is not something that you recover from right away, it takees time and a part of it will always be there. The best thing to do is find an outside interest... something to occupy your time and mind. If you feel you are becoming obsessed by this or that you can't cope alone, talk to a therapist or your pastor if you have one. We all need someone to lean on emotionally at times. You are not weak, just human

[kctiger]

It's not about being weak. You are human, and that is the issue here. If you could just wipe yourself clear of your emotions, it would be fairly cold blooded. Everything happens for a reason, and of course I can say that now, as hindsight is 20/20. It hasn't been that long either, you spent a LONG time together, and to expect it to go away in less than three months is purely unrealistic. The past seven years is gone, but the question is, what do you plan on doing the next seven years??

If it makes you feel any better, I bought an E-Book to... NONE of my friends know about it. Waste of money, as it wouldn't have helped. Who knows, maybe had I followed it, we would have gotten back together, but I guarantee you we wouldn't have stayed together. That book didn't change the fact that we aren't compatible. Facts, they suck, but they are what they are. Sometimes, we just have to look at the facts.

[neverme]

Like the others have said, your not weak, your human.

We all do it, beat ourselves up, look for answers in places you normally wouldn't consider.

It's how most of us found this site, no?

I've done one worse, I've gotten drunk and roared/cried at her about all of it which probably sounded something like this

'YYY YOOUUUU hhhjaaavvtttee... (sniff) don't even care... what is wrong with me?'



But we will get over it, it's going to happen. Not right away because we are not uncaring and unfeeling.

Time to start a new life, one that doesn't involve her and makes you happy..

[chuff]

coulda, shoulda, woulda.

And that is the game your brain plays with you after the break up. So when you start getting thoughts you better consciously aswer them with positive reinforcements and keep doing that until your better. The pain you have is normal, but it will stay longer if you don't start to answer it with purposeful thoughts that help you. Could have, should have, would have isn't helping you, so tur it around to "I got a valuable lesson and all the money I'd pay to go back seven years would not teach me what this real world experience has. Everything has a positive to it, send your brain there and latch on.

[ka1]

I hear you. Though I must admit. I'm not much a "the journey is worth it" guy. I like the destination. If I can't get the get destination, I'd rather not take the journey frankly. If I thought I'd be here, or that she would have said no from the get go, then I would not have asked. I would have moved on or more likely just remained BF/GF.

[cozyk]

I hear you ka1. Right now, you think the journey was not or is not worth the pain. I remember lots of painful periods in my life when I have had yo say to myself "this is a growing experience". Then there were many times I said, I've grown enough. Don't want to grow anymore. BUT, here is the thing.

This has happened. It is what it is. Now it is up to you to name it. Choice 1, the past 7 years were a waste of my time and emotion and all I am left with is heartache and anguish. Choice 2, I'll reflect on this experience. I'll give careful thought to what I can learn and take
With me. Not only into my next relationship but into my life

Also, look at the fact that you are not "odd or alone" with these feelings. It's universal. I'll NEVER make light of someone's heartache, because I know how painful it can be. I use to say I'd rather you cut off my leg than sack me with a broken heart. There is good news though. It will take time but YOU WILL GET BETTER. I can promise you that. Put in your time, take some lessons from it, and know that it will end. Put your energies into something that YOU enjoy doing. While you are pursuing your interest, some girl that is pursuing the same interest will bump into you. That is how the best matches are made.