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chrissymarie · Mar 23, 2009, 12:18 PM

My best friend and I have been friends since we were about 5, were really more like sisters. Since Junior High my friend has been really slutty. And by slutty I really mean she sleeps around with a lot of different men. No matter what her family, friends, me and even strangers have told her or said about her she has never stopped. The other day I was just thinking to myself that I know of at least 50 guys she's slept with and it's just getting worse. This weekend she went home with a complete stranger from the club which she has every single time since we have ever gone to the club for 2 years but she didn't know that I knew this guy and it ended up being my boyfriends bestfreind David. When David and I talked about it he told me that he didn't want to have sex with her because she was too easy so he passed her on to his uncle who's 40 and he had sex with her (she's 19). A few times I have taken her places with me and people are shocked to find out that I am her friend because so many people veiw her as a hoe. I've told her she needs to stop but she always says she knows what she's doing and she understands that the sex is just sex to the guys and expects nothing from them after it. I haven't introduced her to my man because he is her type and I'm afraid she will sleep with him. This is so sad for me to admit. How do I help her... what is going through her mind? She already has one kid that she had at age 14 and she does not have a father.

bronzebabe · Mar 23, 2009, 12:30 PM

It's obvious that she has an underlying problem...what it is, we dont know...was she molested? does she have a sexual disorder? she needs help, but often people won't go for help...she has to come to the conclusion herself...

chrissymarie · Mar 23, 2009, 12:34 PM

All I know is that her father left her mom when she was in 6th grade and moved back to Mexico and ever since then she has been super slutty. She so gorgeous! It hurts to see her wasting herself like this. And it's not like she's a prostiture, she expects nothing from a man for having sex with her.

XOXOlove · Mar 23, 2009, 12:38 PM

People who are like won't stop unless they seek professional help and if they want to. Have you tried talking to her about getting help? Tell her what you think of her and what others think of her, but don't hurt her feelings.

smoothy · Mar 23, 2009, 12:56 PM

Problem is she is an adult and unless she seeks help and recognises there is a problem odds are she's not going to listen. And hopefully she will before its too late.

Curlyben · Mar 23, 2009, 01:05 PM

A Hoe

Hmm an interesting thought there.

nikosmom · Mar 23, 2009, 01:07 PM

Unfortunately you can't control her actions. I had a friend like that in college and all I could do was continue to be her friend through the ups and downs of that lifestyle. Sad thing is, something will have to "happen" for her to give it up.

If you're concerned with others seeing you the same way just because you're friends, then you could start to distance yourself from her.

Choux · Mar 23, 2009, 03:44 PM

Ya got to leave some people behind in life as you grow up and mature... people who are self-destructive foremost.

There is no way to help people who don't want help. And, help would be recommending they see a psychiatrist so they can find out why they are destroying their precious life!

Being dropped is a good signal to a woman that she is a loser at the present time.

Best wishes, :)

Alty · Mar 23, 2009, 04:03 PM

If you can't accept her behaviour then leave her behind.

You can't control someone else's life, only your own.

She'll hit bottom one day, then she'll either continue what she's doing or get help. She won't do it before then, no matter how many people tell her to.

chrissymarie · Mar 23, 2009, 04:13 PM

Yeah recently things have been getting hard between us. We have a hard time relating. I'm not going to lie I used to party with her a lot too but NEVER sleep around the way she does. Its likeher life consists of getting completely wasted and letting men take advantage of her. I'll feel so bad if I stop speaking to her. I feel like her only quidance and I really shouldn't be her only guidance... I'm not that great of an example myself. I know she won't get professional help. I suggested a Sex addicts anonymous class once and she said "yeah maybe I'll go and meet somebody new..." She sees nothing wrong with what she does... from time to time she even calls me a hater when I complain about all the guys hounding after her only because they know she is a hoe.

Maybe it is time for me to move on. I can't even trust her anymore and that's what a freindship is based on. Its just so hard because she is like my sister and she used to be a huge part of my life, but I have out grown her and she is is starting to jepordize my reputation.

I have even spoke to her mother about this and all she says is "sara does what she wants... no one controls her." and I told her mom about it when we were 16! I just hate the thought of leaving her behind to destroy her life... I won't feel like a real friend if I do.

smoothy · Mar 24, 2009, 06:31 AM

Problem is that's exactly what you have to do or its going to adversly effect your health and your life too.

Many of us have had to walk away from friends in situation similar to this... or sometimes its drugs, or alcohol abuse. Sometimes you just have to turn and walk away.

h_leann_b · Mar 24, 2009, 08:08 AM

She hasn't learned from her mistakes, she doesn't want help, and doesn't think she has been doing anything wrong. You can't make her who you want her to be.

I'm sure it's hard seeing someone ruining their life; but if they don't want to change they wont- there is nothing you can do.

So you have to either accept her.. or let her go. That's your decision to make. I have a friend who is easy to. I barely talk to her anymore because we don't have anything in common. I still get an occasional text from her. And will only meet up with her during the day so I don't have to party with her.

Good luck

GNL685 · Mar 24, 2009, 12:34 PM

MOVE ON!! You hanging around her all the time is going to make you look bad too! She obviously has no respect for herself therefore she's not respecting you by doing these things with you around

Xrayman · Mar 24, 2009, 03:12 PM

I have even spoke to her mother about this and all she says is "sara does what she wants... no one controls her." and I told her mom about it when we were 16! I just hate the thought of leaving her behind to destroy her life... I won't feel like a real friend if I do.

She is a sex addict (for whatever reason, although I sense it is all about previous sexual abuse-due to personal knowledge of victims who react the same way) "It's just sex", "I'm not hurting anyone"(actually they are, themselves, their family and their friends), "I am in control", "I do what I want" etc. etc. it is EXACTLY the same script-every time!

You are going to end up hurt if you continue to associate with this person.

She needs help-Perhaps a serious attitude adjustment.

Cheers.

Alty · Mar 24, 2009, 03:18 PM

Originally Posted by Xrayman

she is a sex addict (for whatever reason, although I sense it is all about previous sexual abuse-due to personal knowledge of victims who react the exact same way) "It's just sex", "I'm not hurting anyone"(actually they are, themselves, their family and their friends), "I am in control", "I do what I want" etc. etc. it is EXACTLY the same script-every time!

You are going to end up hurt if you continue to associate with this person.

she needs help-Perhaps a serious attitude adjustment.

cheers.

I agree! I was sexually abused as a child, because of that I did become extremely promiscuous from the age of 14 on. I didn't care about myself, my body, it was already "used goods" why not just give myself to every guy that came along, better to give then have it taken from you.

It took a long time for me to get it out of my system, and a good guy that made me see that I was worth so much more then that. Trust me, when I first met my husband I tried repeatedly to push him away, he treated me nice, he cared about me, not just sex, I didn't deserve someone like him, or so I thought. He wouldn't be pushed away, kept coming back and finally I let him in. We've been together 19 years now, married for 14.

No one can change this for her until she wants it to change. The more you push, the more she'll back away. I wish it was different, but it isn't.

GNL685 · Mar 24, 2009, 04:48 PM

Also calling her a "hoe" is very immature name calling.. and when people see you with her they are going to think the same thing about you. You are not being a bad friend you already tried to help her.. One day she will realize but that is up to her... If you're her friend and you want to stay her friend don't call her names.. why not worry about the diseases she could be catching that are life threatening... Maybe she never had an adult talk to her about sex when she was younger. If I was in your situation I would bring that up and try to get her some sex ed materials about STDS or something if that doesn't wake her up I don't know what will...

slapshot_oi · Mar 25, 2009, 07:13 AM

Realize that people judge you by the company you keep, so GNL685 is right.

Originally Posted by chrissymarie

I haven't introduced her to my man because he is her type and I'm afraid she will sleep with him.

So you can't trust either of them?

Sustaining friendships is easy until you reach a certain stage in life. For me, that stage began half-way through college. I decided I just can't be around certain people anymore and so I avoided and ended friendships because their direction in life doesn't mesh with mine, and it sounds like this is the case with you and your friend.

Value your time and meet new people.

Stardust09 · Mar 25, 2009, 07:47 AM

I had the same problem when me and my [now ex] best friend were around 12, 13. She lost her virginity when she was 12 to some 19 year old. I was really devastated. She's just like how you explained your friend, she so beautiful and very smart and talented. She actually stole my first boyfriend when I was 14 and gave him oral, as far as I know that was the ONLY thing they did. I talk to people I didn't even know she knew and they're like "Oh that girl? She sucks a good ." I'm like are you kidding me! But Thank god she's in a good relationship now. She has been for 2 years now. But I understand that it's upsetting. :/ All I can really say is I hope she realizes it's wrong before she has another baby or gets an STD. Plus it's not safe to get picked up at bars, you could get kidnapped, raped or worse.

chrissymarie · Mar 25, 2009, 07:47 AM

It's not that I don't trust my man its just the fact I don't want to put him in situations that could end up possibly making him do wrong... I've seen my friend in action when she want a man, she is very aggressive and un relentless to the point things can get ugly and the guy starts the name calling and such to get her to back off. I don't want that to happen between them and I don't want anything else that will make him look bad happen either.

Also sorry to say but in this day and age girls my age have no issues with the feminine name calling, such as bi**h, hoe, slut, etc etc for some reason it has slipped my mind that those words are associated with disrespect and many if not all the girls I know my age feel the same way. I know its not "right" but it is the truth. I believe also the environment and school I grew up in have affected the way I use these words. But I am an older now and I am changing my ways.

So yeah I know it was not right to call her a hoe. She's just really promiscuious. But we are talking about a girl who calls herself a hoe from time to time.

I've decided to have a talk with her this weekend about her behaviour... a really serious one with none to very minimal name calling. I just feel like she needs to hear the negative veiw I have of her and other people have of her that's why I feel a little name calling is necessary. I'm still pondering what exactly to say and if I should include anyone else in this conversation like a close friend or relative of her's kind of like an intervention... but so far everyone I know she associates with and is close to is out of control themselves.

artlady · Mar 25, 2009, 08:19 AM

A young girl learns her self worth from her father.
Not having a male role model in her life is probably an underlying cause.

She needs to be encouraged to find something else that she can do well to get a man,besides lie down.She must have some other redeeming qualities that would make a guy take notice of her.

She has no self -esteem and her saying that she knows it is just sex,is a façade to help her hide from the fact that she really does want someone to think of her as special.

I had a friend who was the same way and I told her countless times that she was too good and too much of a beautiful person to degrade herself like that.She only stopped when she was raped.

Many times when a girl is abused at a young age ,the trauma makes them promiscuous.

I don't think any woman really wants to be a whore.She must be at the point now where she is feeling totally worthless about herself.

I think if you drop her as a friend ,she will only get worse.Just one more person who only loves her conditionally.

You might tell her about your concern of letting her meet your BF.Maybe that will be a wake up call.You might also tell her you are thinking of ending the friendship.Real big wake up call.