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Dunkonya21 · Mar 22, 2009, 09:52 AM

I remember reading your story when I was going through my situation. I was trying the NC to make her want me back and get things back to normal.

I tell you what the NC did things that I very much doubted. I'm able to see the real her and that I was not happy with her. And look I found a girl who is 100 times better then my ex.

What I'm trying to get to, you seem like a good guy and deserve better then this girl. Don't blame yourself for everything wrong in your relationship. Keep your head :)

tickle · Mar 22, 2009, 10:16 AM

Hi, A4. Is this girl younger then you and has she been in many relationships ? You say you have only been together a week.

Arguing, without resolving anything, going back and forth and rehashing stuff is not a good way to start a relationship. Could be she is not just mature enough to handle a good relationship with a great guy.

Tick

A4Effort · Mar 22, 2009, 10:21 AM

Originally Posted by tickle

hi, A4. Is this girl younger then you and has she been in many relationships ? Yes she is younger than me. She has been in couple relationships but only one serious before me.

You say you have only been together a week.
We've been dating for a year and a half but than broke up for a month because she needed to see what else there is. I used the NC rule and once she realized I moved on she decided to come back. I did not want her back at first but decided to give it another try.

Arguing, without resolving anything, going back and forth and rehashing stuff is not a good way to start off a relationship. Could be she is not just mature enough to handle a good relationship with a great guy.

She is very mature and she handels things very well most of the time. But she always makes me feel that I am wrong and I believe her sometimes. I know that I am not perfect and yes, I do make mistakes. But with her I feel like no matter what I say I am at fault. I am not as confident when I am around her because I feel like I am messing things up.

tick

That's basically all of it in a nutshell.

Homegirl 50 · Mar 22, 2009, 10:23 AM

I think your partner is either totally stupid or she does not care for you or respect you as much as you do her.
I'll bet if you had a " female friend" who was rubbing your back and carrying on, she would be pissed especially if said friend told her she had the hots for her man. She'd be telling you to "make a choice"
If she is your woman, she should not let another man touch her that way and certainly not in front of you knowing how you feel.
I'd tell her she needs to decide if this guy is more important to her than you are.
I think you need to leave her alone. A relationship should be more respectful and it should not have this kind of drama.

HighandDryinnNy · Mar 22, 2009, 10:44 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I'll bet if you had a " female friend" who was rubbing your back and carrying on, she would be pissed especially if said friend told her she had the hots for her man. She'd be telling you to "make a choice"
If she is your woman, she should not let another man touch her that way and certainly not in front of you knowing how you feel.

This is absolutely true. I would never let my guy friends touch me like that, ESPECIALLY after telling me they had feelings. Be careful, if she's letting this behavior go on, you can only get hurt. Also, I applaud your restraint from ripping his hands off!:)

talaniman · Mar 22, 2009, 10:59 AM

Haven't you had enough of this BS drama from her?? When you do, you'll leave and stay gone. No self respecting man puts up with this bad behavior, and it doesn't matter her reasons for it.

Sorry guy, either your communication skills are lacking, or you make a lousy couple. Whatever the reason, your not working together to solve your problems in a way that benefits you both, and that's not good.

If you can't talk, its over again.

A4Effort · Mar 22, 2009, 12:13 PM

That's the thing, we can talk about it. But when one problem is solved, another arises. Also, she tends to take past problems and bring them up during our current argument.

Alty · Mar 22, 2009, 12:31 PM

Personally I don't think you two have a relationship, you just have a sparring partner.

So, what do you want out of this relationship? Would you like a girl that is committed to you and only you, doesn't send mixed signals to other guys, knows the boundaries to set with other men and takes your concerns seriously, or, a girl that does what she wants no matter how you feel, lets other guys touch her in front of you etc. etc.

If all you do is fight and worry, that's not a relationship.

I think it's time to throw this one back in the sea and start fishing for a better one.

ordinaryguy · Mar 22, 2009, 03:44 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Personally I don't think you two have a relationship, you just have a sparring partner.

Yuk, yuk! Good one, Alty.

liz28 · Mar 22, 2009, 06:05 PM

If problems keep arising how do you expect to survive? It's hard to do this especially when your partner sees no problem at all.

I know you might have issues once in a while but being in a problematic relationship never works.

talaniman · Mar 22, 2009, 09:39 PM

I'd rather be single, and free, than in your shoes. Sorry, doesn't sound like love, or fun!

Romefalls19 · Mar 23, 2009, 05:27 AM

Ok, I'm not taking either side on this one. Simply break up, it's not working out between you two. You have openly stated that you are not 110% committed to this relationship in your other thread are ready to leave at the drop of a hat. That's not a good outlook going into a relationship. Then you are making her prove herself to you, which if you were to tell me that I'd punch you in the face. I don't owe nothing to you, she doesn't owe it to you to prove anything. She is a person, you either take what she says and accept it or move on.

Then you say you can talk about it, which I find VERY hard to believe because of your little text to her about her second boyfriend. Tit for tat isn't going to work, she's probably had enough of your crap just like you have had enough of hers. Both of you seem far to immature to be in a functioning relationship. You need someone who is constantly going to reassure you that you are all she wants and will do anything for you, she needs someone who is going to be fine with other guys giving back rubs and let her do her own thing. Just let it go, it's not working.

CrazyThumper · Mar 23, 2009, 01:28 PM

Just for the record.. there is no way on this earth I would let another man touch the woman I love- let along in a way that makes my girlfriend feel GOOD while I sit back and watch!? ESPECIALLY from a guy I hardly know, who LIKES my girlfriend. Dude listen to this.. nobodyyy should touch your girlfriend except you. Unless it's a dam Dr. or a certified (in office) massage prof. etc. Different types of 'sexual' activities are the exception to this, but I surely do not see this being the case.

I see a guy who is so unsure of his relationship and has so many insecurities that you are letting this slide and hoping to avoid a fight & or lose her because of it. She wants attention from multiple guys? That's fine- don't be one of those guys she is getting it from. ARGH this pisses me of.. ditch her man for a woman who wants only physical attention from you. My ex would NEVER want another guy touching her.. she has serious issues.

I used to have a girlfriend when I was younger that was 'good' at giving massages. She thought it was necessary to give everyone a massage. And then she got certified in it at a young age and even MORE thought it was OK to massage people EVERYWHERE she went. No way in hell was I dealing with that. It makes you look like a FOOL to everyone around you.
Thump

Synnen · Mar 23, 2009, 01:36 PM

Originally Posted by CrazyThumper

Just for the record.. there is no way on this earth I would let another man touch the woman I love- let along in a way that makes my girlfriend feel GOOD while I sit back and watch!??!?. ESPECIALLY from a guy I hardly know, who LIKES my girlfriend. Dude listen to this.. nobodyyy should touch your girlfriend except you. Unless it's a dam Dr. or a certified (in office) massage prof. etc. Different types of 'sexual' activities are the exception to this, but I surely do not see this being the case.

I see a guy who is so unsure of his relationship and has so many insecurities that you are letting this slide and hoping to avoid a fight & or lose her because of it. She wants attention from multiple guys? That's fine- don't be one of those guys she is getting it from. ARGH this pisses me of.. ditch her man for a woman who wants only physical attention from you. My ex would NEVER want another guy touching her.. she has serious issues.

I used to have a girlfriend when I was younger that was 'good' at giving massages. She thought it was neccessary to give everyone a massage. And then she got certified in it at a young age and even MORE thought it was ok to massage people EVERYWHERE she went. No way in hell was I dealing with that. It makes you look like a FOOL to everyone around you.
Thump

Just as an FYI--my best friend is a guy. I'm married. My guy friend would LOVE to get into my pants, but he respects the relationship that my husband and I have. So--my husband knows that he has the hots for me, and that I see him as a friend.

And if my husband EVER told me that I couldn't be around my guy friend, whether he was right or wrong, that would cause one doozy of an argument that would have the potential to break up our marriage.

Either there is trust or there isn't. If there isn't, then what are you doing in that relationship?

In you, I see a guy that it possessive to the point of obsession, and that's even less healthy than enjoying the attention of more than one person.

CrazyThumper · Mar 23, 2009, 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by Synnen

Just as an FYI--my best friend is a guy. I'm married. My guy friend would LOVE to get into my pants, but he respects the relationship that my husband and I have. So--my husband knows that he has the hots for me, and that I see him as a friend.

And if my husband EVER told me that I couldn't be around my guy friend, whether he was right or wrong, that would cause one doozy of an argument that would have the potential to break up our marriage.

Either there is trust or there isn't. If there isn't, then what are you doing in that relationship?

In you, I see a guy that it possessive to the point of obsession, and that's even less healthy than enjoying the attention of more than one person.

Synnen- not sure if you quoted me as being possessive or the OP but I agree. I do not have any issues with my significant other having friends of the same sex. Would I allow those friends to be physically touching my girlfriend in the way of a massage? No absolutely not. And as your husband respects your relationship with your guy friend, I am sure your guy friend would not push the boundaries of your friendship. Out of respect for you and your husband. There are red flags all over man- and red is BAD.. get out..
Thump

Synnen · Mar 23, 2009, 04:21 PM

I've gotten massages from my guy friend, yes.

I've also gotten piggyback rides and been tackled into the snow by him. He gooses me all the time, and it's all in good fun.

I'm just saying that if the guy friend has been around longer than the boyfriend, then the BOYFRIEND has to adjust to the rules that were already set up before he came on the scene--not the girlfriend. And if he can't handle that, better to walk now.

talaniman · Mar 23, 2009, 04:24 PM

Now, the guy likes her and has told me this to my face. My partner on the other hand only likes him as a friend.

That's the difference as he is rubbing it in his face, and she lets him. That's not insecurity.

Romefalls19 · Mar 23, 2009, 04:27 PM

Personally if a guy did that to me, came up to me and said some stuff like that, I'd be tempted to punch him in the jaw. The girl has to establish boundaries, and right now it doesn't appear she is caring to. So maybe you need to move on.

Alty · Mar 23, 2009, 04:49 PM

And here's one of Alty's infamous bottom lines.

You two don't mesh, all you do is fight, neither one of you are 100% committed to making this relationship work, so why continue?

In the long run, you can't accept her for who she is and she won't change for you, so it's a dead end.

This is a no brainer, really!

Homegirl 50 · Mar 23, 2009, 06:24 PM

If this guy has old the boy friend he has the hots for his girl, and the girl knows that, IMO the guy has disrespected both of them by disrespecting the relationship.
If a friend of mine told my husband something like that I would be "how dare you put me in such a messy position and disrespect my marriage and my husband"
IMO Friends don't do funky stuff like that and I would not allow someone to diss my man like that.