[travisross1001]

Well, my ex girlfriend took my son and left stat. There has never been a custody agreement. I e-mail her trying to get an address ane phone number, so I can talk to him but she refuses. I was finacially responseable for her and him the entire time we were together (2 1/2) years. I am the father on the birth certificate. Please tell me that see is breaking the law. It's killing me to not be able to see my son.:confused:

[ScottGem]

Since there was no custody agreement what she did may not be illegal. But that doesn't mean you don't have rights. You need to go to court and apply for custody. Once you have a custody order, you may be able to compel her to return.

[rockergirl412]

This ex- girl friend is she also the mother or just cares for your son?
If she the mother then she has some rights.. but you as the father have rights as well I say save the emails print them out and once she needs your help and takes you too court you have proof to show that you have tried very hard but I would also suggest asking people to see where she might be staying with reltatives or any one you can think of get a loan and go look for your son if you really want him so badly back near you...
I know this is hard for you being a dad and not being near your son I feel you! I just had a miscarriage not too long a go I'm just trying to help others while I get help in return

[Fr_Chuck]

Agreed, if you were separated with her before she left, you should have gotten a custody order and child support arranged before she left.
Including the fact she was not able to leave without your agreement.

But you did not, so now you have to go and file and try for custody at this point.

[cadillac59]

Hiding your son from you may constitute parental abduction. Make a police report immediately. The police will at least, in all likelihood, assist in locating her and your son (they may or may not prosecute- that can vary a lot from place to place). Also, file an action in court and request an emergency hearing (they will set these typically on 1-2 days notice) and ask for an order giving you temporary custody of your son with no contact or visitation to the mom until a court hearing. You will get it if you put it in a declaration that the mom has left the state with your son and won' t tell you where she is. Once you get your custody order turn it over to local law enforcement and they will find your son and get him to you.

This can be done so don't think you have no rights. I've done this before for clients and gotten temporary custody for a dad who went through the same thing you are going through.

[GeorgeMcCasland]

Well, my ex girlfriend took my son and left stat. There has never been a custody agreement. I e-mail her trying to get an address ane phone number, so I can talk to him but she refuses. I was finacially responseable for her and him the entire time we were together (2 1/2) years. I am the father on the birth certificate. Please tell me that see is breaking the law. It's killing me to not be able to see my son.:confused:

Only in California and Arizona do you have any assumed rights. Beyond that, yes she can as you forfeited your assume claim by not being married to her at the time she got pregnant. Now, you have to petition the court to request any rights. If she's been gone less than six months, you can file there, otherwise it will be in her state, so you will need to find her. Also, at any time, before the child turns 18, she can file for retroactive child support on you. As such, you need to contact child support enforcement and determine how much child support you should be paying. Start putting that money into a trust in the child's name.

My nursing home roommate got hit with $125,000 in retroactive child support after he finally found his son, which pissed off the mother. She's not getting much of it, as he died of cancer two weeks after the boy came to see him. Now there's a lien on his estate, so his younger children will be getting nothing.

You have an up mountain, not hill, battle ahead of you. In a word, prepare, prepare, prepare.

When you locate her, get an order entered forcing a DNA test, unless one has already been done.

DO NOT PAY ANY KIND OF SUPPORT FOR THE CHILD UNTIL A DNA TEST IS DONE, AS IT ACKNOWLEDGES YOUR FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE CHILD.

Once you begin paying child support, regardless of whether you are the father or not, you can be required to continue paying.

If one has been done, go to the child support enforcement to setup a voluntary order. Wait for them to file against you will result in you paying all court costs of up to $5000

Take a certified parenting course. The court is going to order you to take it anyway, so by showing you’ve taken it only looks good to them.

Start keeping a daily journal of all you activities. The most common way to prevent a father from getting his rights through the courts is a false allegation. A daily journal is your number one piece of evidence in court and you can even refer to it while on the stand.

Gather evidence. Check the site below to see if it is illegal to record conversations without the other person knowing. If your state does not have a law either way, than it defaults to the federal ruling which says one person in a conversation must know they are being recorded. You’re that one person. In Missouri it is specifically legal, in Kansas there is no mention either way. If you live in two different states, and one has a law against it, than it applies when the call originates from within that state,
"Can We Tape?"

Consider Bird Nest Custody. In this the child lives in one home and each parent live there for 3-4 weeks, than switch. You live with friends, family, rent a room, etc. on the off time. In this manner, your child’s life is not disrupted. They are not being shifted back and forth. They keep their own room, friends, school, etc. It is hard on the parents, but than the child comes first. This is the form of custody rocker Ted Nugent had.
Bird Nest Custody

If you want to learn how to do all this go to Dads House in Yahoo Groups. There's an educational manual in the file section that can teach you what you need to know. Take the time to learn what you can and should do.
Dads House

A couple of additional
Fathers & Families
Parental Alienation Syndrome

[cadillac59]

Only in California and Arizona do you have any assumed rights. Beyond that, yes she can as you forfeited your assume claim by not being married to her at the time she got pregnant. Now, you have to petition the court to request any rights. If she's been gone less than six months, you can file there, otherwise it will be in her state, so you will need to find her. Also, at any time, before the child turns 18, she can file for retroactive child support on you. As such, you need to contact child support enforcement and determine how much child support you should be paying. Start putting that money into a trust in the child's name.

My nursing home roommate got hit with $125,000 in retroactive child support after he finally found his son, which pissed off the mother. She's not getting much of it, as he died of cancer two weeks after the boy came to see him. Now there's a lien on his estate, so his younger children will be getting nothing.

You have an up mountain, not hill, battle ahead of you. In a word, prepare, prepare, prepare.

When you locate her, get an order entered forcing a DNA test, unless one has already been done.

DO NOT PAY ANY KIND OF SUPPORT FOR THE CHILD UNTIL A DNA TEST IS DONE, AS IT ACKNOWLEDGES YOUR FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE CHILD.

Once you begin paying child support, regardless of whether you are the father or not, you can be required to continue paying.

If one has been done, go to the child support enforcement to setup a voluntary order. Wait for them to file against you will result in you paying all court costs of up to $5000

Take a certified parenting course. The court is going to order you to take it anyway, so by showing you've taken it only looks good to them.

Start keeping a daily journal of all you activities. The most common way to prevent a father from getting his rights through the courts is a false allegation. A daily journal is your number one piece of evidence in court and you can even refer to it while on the stand.

Gather evidence. Check the site below to see if it is illegal to record conversations without the other person knowing. If your state does not have a law either way, than it defaults to the federal ruling which says one person in a conversation must know they are being recorded. You're that one person. In Missouri it is specifically legal, in Kansas there is no mention either way. If you live in two different states, and one has a law against it, than it applies when the call originates from within that state,
"Can We Tape?"

Consider Bird Nest Custody. In this the child lives in one home and each parent live there for 3-4 weeks, than switch. You live with friends, family, rent a room, etc. on the off time. In this manner, your child's life is not disrupted. They are not being shifted back and forth. They keep their own room, friends, school, etc. It is hard on the parents, but than the child comes first. This is the form of custody rocker Ted Nugent had.
Bird Nest Custody

If you want to learn how to do all this go to Dads House in Yahoo Groups. There's an educational manual in the file section that can teach you what you need to know. Take the time to learn what you can and should do.
Dads House

A couple of additional
Fathers & Families
Parental Alienation Syndrome

Do you have any legal authority for anything you wrote? I'm a family law attorney in California and a Certified Family Law Specialist in this state and I don't agree with a single thing you said, except for maybe the part about filing in the OP's state within 6 months of the mom's departure from that state.

To the OP: Do what I said above.

[Fr_Chuck]

I am sorry George, some of your advice is so bad, and so wrong I have edited or delted many of your posts up to this point.

Please read the questions actually and try to answer them without your cut and paste

The father is listed on the birth certificate, this changes many things as for as his rights and his obligations.

It is obvious you have a agenda beyond trying to give proper legal advice.

[JudyKayTee]

I am sorry George, some of your advice is so bad, and so wrong I have edited or delted many of your posts up to this point.

Please read the questions actually and try to answer them without your cut and paste

The father is listed on the birth certificate, this changes many things as for as his rights and his obligations.

It is obvious you have a agenda beyond trying to give proper legal advice.

Yes, he's been active in "father's rights" for many years - if you read "his" site you will see this boils down to assisting NON CUSTODIAL parents in avoid paying child support (either gender).

[cadillac59]

Yes, he's been active in "father's rights" for many years - if you read "his" site you will see this boils down to assisting NON CUSTODIAL parents in avoid paying child support (either gender).

I didn't see that part but I'm not surprised. It all seems to fit a pattern for one being a self-appointed "father's rights advocate."

It's unfortunate that there is so much bad legal advice out there being disseminated by people who know little or nothing about family law. All it does is end up causing people a great deal of harm and ultimately tremendous unnecessary legal expenses to try to undo mistakes made based upon this misinformation.

[cadillac59]

This is a liable statement against me and the work I do. there is nothing in any of my material that says children should not be supported, only that the application of law should be balanced to all. If you check Yahoo! Answers, you will note how often I've advised mothers on enforcement. And yes, without using attorneys.



George R. McCasland
Indian Meadows Nursing Ctr
6505 W 103rd St, Room 211
Overland Park, KS 66212

GiveKidsAChoice : Bird Nest Custody
DadsHouse : Building a Shelter for Fathers/Children

That "Bird Nest Custody" is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. It ought to be called "bird-brained custody" instead.

Not only is it an added expense and heavy burden on a couple splitting up to maintain two households, some genius dreamed up the idea of maintaining THREE households--one for the dad, one for the mom and one for the kid! Brilliant. Or, the parents can alternatively live with friends or relatives (yeah right) during their "off-weeks" or in a Motel 6.

I don't know of ANY judge who would order such a ludicrous parenting arrangement.