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sonikuri · Mar 19, 2009, 10:13 AM

My husband has always been a ladies man, we've been married for 11 years and have two kids. He cheated on me 9 years ago. I did forgive him but he kept relation with her behind my back. When I found out they already had a kid together, I just felt stuck because I got two kids now and my kids love him. I don't know how to deal with him anymore. I just hate him. I am with him for the sake of the kids. Please help me deal with my situation?

Clough · Mar 19, 2009, 12:36 PM

Hi, sonikuri!

Greetings and WELCOME to the site! I just moved your question that you had posted in Introductions to this forum topic area so that it will get the most exposure to those who are best able to answer it. Introductions is for people to introduce themselves and we try to not ask questions there.

It can be a little confusing when first learning how to use this site! Your question will get noticed much more in this forum topic area.

We would appreciate it if you would return to Introductions sometime to tell us a little about yourself though, if you would be willing to do that.

Thanks!

kctiger · Mar 19, 2009, 12:39 PM

You being unhappy has a huge effect on the kids as well. Them growing up in this unstable environment won't do them any good. For their sake, separate from your husband. It will do your children no good having a mother who is constantly unhappy because of an unfaithful husband. You owe it to your kids, and yourself, to find a happier and healthier situation to be in. Him being a good father doesn't give him the right to be a lousy husband.

unspeaken21 · Mar 19, 2009, 07:13 PM

I agree with kctiger that you shouldn't be unhappy for your kids sake because that will ruin them...

However, I don't think you should get out of the relationship unless:
-he has cheated on you again
-it has affected your kids
-you will no like his "new kid"
-you will not accept his "new kid"
-you get in the way of your husband trying to be a good dad to his new kid while he and his mistress settle things.
-you and the mistress become like the women we see on dr. phil who have issues with each other because the husband has a child and the mistress wants the best for her child but the 2 women can't get along (I hope you know what I'm talking about)..

It sucks that he had to cheat and get a baby out of it... never the less that baby should be loved...

I wish you happiness... and I wish you figure a way to deal with this elegantly so it doesn't affect your relationship with your kids and husband...

If you hate him a lot then there is not much reason to stay together... but if you still want to be with him then you have to work out your issues and try to find a way to communicate to him reasonably, otherwise you might push him away and God knows how the kids will take it...

(oh.. and don't try to take away your hate towards your husband by talking to your kids and telling them your in pain... they are still to young)..
Goodluck with your situation..

BLONDE_MAFIA · Mar 19, 2009, 07:20 PM

Aww gosh that's sucks you poor thing. I say dump him. He sounds like a mean, moraless man you shouldn't stay with someone like that for a child because a loveless relationship is going to reflect on you kid, get your child away well you still can it will be hard but better now than staying with him and the child pizks up on the tension and starts feeling it

talaniman · Mar 20, 2009, 08:50 PM

You never stay in a bad situation for the sake of the kids, they learn a lot of the wrong things. Your job is to protect them from bad stuff, not keep them in the middle of it.

JoeCanada76 · Mar 20, 2009, 08:58 PM

Do not stay with him for the sake of the kids. He has a child with another women while married with you..

Time to make that decision to change your life and your kids life for the better. That is by getting out, now...

sonikuri · Mar 23, 2009, 06:01 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You never stay in a bad situation for the sake of the kids, they learn a lot of the wrong things. Your job is to protect them from bad stuff, not keep them in the middle of it.

I agree with you ,

starbuck8 · Mar 23, 2009, 06:30 AM

I agree with the others that have said that you never need to stay in a unhappy marriage with a cheater. Ask grown children that have grown up in an unhappy home like this. I'm sure they will tell you that they would have rather live in a happy home, with their parents divorced, than in a broken home with both parents unhappy. You are NOT doing your children any favours at all by staying. They are suffering and you are suffering. You deserve to have a happy life too, and although your children may not understand at first, they will thank you later.