[wanaknow]

Hey all,
I'll be very grateful if I ever had a solution for my problem...
I'm a 23 year old girl, and MY PROBLEM IS :
I never talk while being with people :confused:
I have friends + I meet people at work+ I meet people at college... but I never talk!! Maybe it's due to being shy
Toooo bad... I know
I always have nothing to say!
- if someone tells me anything: I have no comments
- if someone asks me a question: I take it as a yes or no question
- and absolutely I never starts a conversation with anyuone, because I have nothing to talk about...
I don't have the talent of making stories out of what happens in my life.
It turns my life into a very boring one... and it causes me to hate myself,, cause when you feel that you're rejected by people around you, you reject yourself
Anyone got the point??

[valinors_sorrow]

You obviosuly are applying the principle--"better to keep your mouth shut and let them guess you are a fool, then to open it too widely and remove all doubt." LOL Shy can be a kind of quietness that actually works well, but it can also be a smokescreen for someone who is experiencing unusual amounts of social phobias -- like a disproportional fear of rejection or overwhleming anxiety over public speaking. Those may take some time with a professional to work the kinks out.

You obviously can talk about this subject, because you did so here! I think it would be better to push aside the shyness part of the equation and work on the self-hatred part directly. While most of us pass through a stage of awkward self consciousness that we aren't comfortable with, not everyone feels self-hatred growing up. That could yield some really great stuff, if successfully worked on, you know?

[wanaknow]

Thanks for analyzing... but is there any specific solution for such a problem?

[JoeCanada76]

Why does it have to be considered a problem. It is all in how your outlook is. It is all in what your thoughts make you feel. Being shy, not having much to talk about. IF that is the way you are. That is the way you are? Why does it have to be considered a problem unless your going by what other people are telling you. It is all in how you think. If you go in life thinking and saying this is how I am. This is how I feel comfortable. I do not have much to say. I like to get to the point of answers with a yes or no. Other can except that or not. It does not matter to me. Be happy. That is my solution. Change the way you think others perceive you and do not give them that power over your personality.

Joe

[valinors_sorrow]

In other words, if you cannot change something, change how you think of something, right Joe?

And you're welcome for the analysis. If you did see a therapist, I believe you would discover that there is "no specific solution for each problem" -- humans just aren't put together emotionally or psycholgoically that way. What causes self-hatred could be dozens of things, and I don't think its wise to ask anyone here to play "armchair psychologist" about it either.

One of the things I am curious about though, is how you see others being so different from yourself-- with them having things to talk about, liking themselves and such. How is it they manage this and you don't?

[Taukame]

Thanks for analyzing ... but is there any specific solution for such a problem??

The simple solution would be to just do it.
That being said, I think maybe there is more to your question. Like maybe you feel a little inferior to other people, what you say/think/feel is not as important as what everybody else has to say.
If that's the issue then the solution to your problem is again to just do it. Say what you think, feel, and believe. It's just as important as what everybody else thinks, feels, and believes.
Now, that being said. If you don't regularly talk to people, you need practice. In order to get practice (giggle, giggle) you have to talk to people.
Okay, enough of me being silly. Make a plan. Resolve to start a conversation with somebody, say twice a week. It can be about anything, but it has to be something that you are interested in. For instance, a book you read or a movie you liked. Movies are probably better because not as many people read nowadays. Say what you like or dislike about it. The other person will say what they like/dislike about it and lo and behold you are having a conversation. This can be any subject clothes, shoes, frogs, dolls, anything at all but it has to interest you.
Now even though that sounds very simple, it takes a lot of courage. I mean a hell of a lot of courage if you are shy. Now if it doesn't work out the way you expect, that's okay. You just keep trying. Sometimes you just wind up in the presence of people that you have nothing to talk to about.
But if you do it often enough, even though you are afraid, you may never be completely comfortable doing it but you will know how to do it.

[s_cianci]

Well, I really don't think you're any different than anyone else. Surely there must be something interesting about yourself that you can share with other people. What about your job or what you're doing in school? How about your childhood? Likewise, you need to take an interest in others. Listen when they talk. Eventually you'll find things you have in common and that'll make for easier conversation. Most people will gladly engage in small talk with you so I really don't think you have to worry about "rejection." Now if you're looking for something more, that's a different issue altogether.

[JoeCanada76]

Val,

That is exactly what I was saying. Thoughts, the way somebody thinks. I do believe that it effects you. Eighter negatively or possitively. Change the way you think and you will change your life and the outcomes of certain situations. I wanted to comment I guess I spread too much reputation so far.

[wanaknow]

Thank You Everyone :)