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MiSSsy111222 · Mar 9, 2009, 04:24 AM

Originally Posted by _Someone_

hey MiSSsy111222 it has been more than 3 months NC now for me.i think you can remember me 3 months ago.you were the first one who answered my first post so i can remember you so well.
if you need help for healing you have something that helps you so much. as i have read from your other posts you are a muslim girl. isnt it enough for you to move on?
your boyfriend broke up with you? dont take it as it was his decison because it was not. take it as your destiny. everyone has a destiny and nobody can do anything to change it. take things as they come and be thankfull to Allah for everything.he is the best Judge.
im a muslim too and that is what is helping me.i made up my mind that it is my destiny and thats it.i can do nothing to change it.inshallah it helps you.
I apologize to the guys reading this post.i dont want to turn it into religion but this helped me and i want to help her too.
Take care of yourself.

Hi yes I remember you well. It sounds to me like your doing well. I'm happy for you. I understand that allah has a plan for me and you. And this has happened for a reason. I can see all the positive out of this situation and I have actully been thanking and praying to allah as he is the all knowing and wise. I guess sometimes we get wrapped up in our problem and we don't look at it overall. This is more than enough for me to move on.its just sometimes hard.

Thank for your advice _someone_ I really appreciate it. Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh

pinkberry8 · Mar 11, 2009, 02:05 PM

Hi, thanks for answering my post and motivating me to be stronger. I definitely understand how you feel as well. I think everything does happen for a reason. Now at least you know that he wasn't even worth your time and didn't deserve your love. It's good that he's gone sooner than later. You'll get through this inshallah.

MiSSsy111222 · Mar 11, 2009, 03:15 PM

Originally Posted by pinkberry8

Hi, thanks for answering my post and motivating me to be stronger. I definitely understand how you feel as well. I think everything does happen for a reason. Now at least you know that he wasn't even worth your time and didnt deserve your love. It's good that he's gone sooner than later. You'll get through this inshallah.

Your welcome, it nice to be able to give advice. Keep strong too. We can only go up! Thank you for the encouragment

MiSSsy111222 · Mar 20, 2009, 11:54 AM

Today was the day I saw the ex face to face. I thought it was going to be a terrible experience, however it was not. I don't think he recognized me at first because my appearance has changed a lot. There was no talk, no chit chat just a smile and kept on walking. Just like strangers. But that is what we are now, he doesn't know the new improved me and I don't really know him anymore.

It amazes me what time can do and how much people can change. Seeing him hasn't effected me as much as I thought it would, my heart flutted abit and it made me think about him, but I was prepared for it. There was no break down! No tears!

I admit I'm not 100% recovered, but I'm definitely on my way, I'm feeling much better about the situation. It took along time for the clouds to be lifted but now I see the sun, hear the birds sing and I realise that life is good and it goes on. He will always be special because he is my first, and like he said to me cherish the good memories.

Having NC has made me realize that I had to forgive him for the hurt he caused me, because if I'm angry and hate him how do I expect to move on? Forgiveness is a key to moving on. I understand that letting negative feelings consume me is no good. I only want to wish him good health and happiness in life.

Just a little update for you peeps :)

what2do27 · Mar 20, 2009, 12:39 PM

Originally Posted by MiSSsy111222

Today was the day i saw the ex face to face. i thought it was going to be a terrible experience, however it was not. i dont think he recognized me at first because my appearance has changed alot. There was no talk, no chit chat just a smile and kept on walking. Just like strangers. but that is what we are now, he doesnt know the new improved me and i dont really know him anymore.

It amazes me what time can do and how much people can change. Seeing him hasnt effected me as much as i thought it would, my heart flutted abit and it made me think about him, but i was prepared for it. there was no break down! no tears!.

I admit im not 100% recovered, but im definitely on my way, im feeling much better about the situation. it took along time for the clouds to be lifted but now i see the sun, hear the birds sing and i realise that life is good and it goes on. He will always be special because he is my first, and like he said to me cherish the good memories.

Having NC has made me realize that i had to forgive him for the hurt he caused me, because if im angry and hate him how do i expect to move on? forgiveness is a key to moving on. i understand that letting negative feelings consume me is no good. i only want to wish him good health and happiness in life.

just a little update for you peeps :)

For some reason I love reading your post.
They inspired me today.
Thank you,
Gerry

MiSSsy111222 · Mar 20, 2009, 12:45 PM

Originally Posted by what2do27

For some reason I love reading your post.
They inspired me today.
Thank you,
Gerry

No thank you for saying that I inspired you!

talaniman · Mar 20, 2009, 02:01 PM

I love happy endings.

MiSSsy111222 · Mar 21, 2009, 10:47 AM

I wouldn't say it is a happy ending... Yet Once I'm fully healed and 100% happy then it's a happy ending!

what2do27 · Mar 21, 2009, 11:04 AM

Originally Posted by MiSSsy111222

I wouldnt say it is a happy ending .........Yet Once im fully healed and 100% happy then its a happy ending!

And then a new beginning.

heartbroke · Mar 21, 2009, 01:17 PM

Think of the reasons you broke up in the first place. I don't care much for my ex anymore, I almost proposed to her and she led me to believe we were in love, when in fact I was probably just a rebound to raise her insecurities and morale. Recently I made her feel like the "horrbile morbid person" she really is by telling her how she treated me and after that I felt great that she did me a favor by breaking up with me. Her life is full of deceit, drama and misery and it will always be that way because of the shallow person she is. Its one less person in my life I have to worry about now. So point of the story is don't break NC, but someone here told me everything that bothered you about your ex or things you may have not liked but accepted and look at that list every time you think about him. I usually breathe deeply and say "I dont need you, im better than you, you treated me like crap and you dont deserve me." Not necessarely advice but the things I did to get over it.

MiSSsy111222 · Apr 4, 2009, 06:49 AM

I don't know what's up with me, I'm tempted to break NC, I don't think I will go ahead with it, but the temptation is there. I've been in NC for around about 2months, not sure I don't count the days, I found doing this drags it out.

I'm abroad visiting my family and there is no one my age to talk to, I guess I'm missing home. It is my ex's birthday today aswel so its double temptation.

I don't want to break NC as all my efforts would have been in vain. Also my pride is stopping me.

Any wise words to overcome this stupid urge as its getting stronger?

chuff · Apr 4, 2009, 07:30 AM

Originally Posted by MiSSsy111222

it is my ex's birthday today aswel so its double temptation.

I dont want to break NC as all my efforts would have been in vain. also my pride is stopping me.

Any wise words to overcome this stupid urge as its getting stronger?

It's his birthday so thoughts of him naturally are going to come up. But it's also a sort of mental test because this is the last birthday you'll be thinking about him so if you can just get through the day, you'll have reached a mountain top so to speak and it should get easier with nothing else staring you in the face to remind yourself of him.

MiSSsy111222 · Apr 4, 2009, 08:10 AM

Originally Posted by chuff

It's his birthday so thoughts of him naturally are going to come up. But it's also a sort of mental test because this is the last birthday you'll be thinking about him so if you can just get through the day, you'll have reached a mountain top so to speak and it should get easier with nothing else staring you in the face to remind yourself of him.

I hope this is the last birthday I think of him, I hope I'm not in this same state of mind next year. I still have the memories for reminders that I have to face . But yeah your right today is a test.

talaniman · Apr 4, 2009, 08:52 AM

Instead of thinking of his birthday, go do something good for yourself, like indulge in a foot massage, or don't females gossip, and pal around, at the hair salon?

Come on be honest, no female can sit that long in one place, and not engage in their favorite pastime. No matter how loud those hair dryers are.

MiSSsy111222 · Apr 4, 2009, 09:05 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Instead of thinking of his birthday, go do something good for yourself, like indulge in a foot massage, or don't females gossip, and pal around, at the hair salon??

Come on be honest, no female can sit that long in one place, and not engage in their favorite pastime. No matter how loud those hair dryers are.

I would do some of these things but I'm not at home, I'm visiting my family in another country, I don't know anyone here but my realitives and none of them are young, or gossip!

MiSSsy111222 · May 17, 2009, 04:50 AM

Okay people its been a while since I last asked for your advice. I would like to say thanks to everyone for helping me in my time of need! Hopefully this will be my last question on this topic.

Okay so here goes. Me and the ex have been split since last year, nc for about 4 months I think. I have healed a lot by taking up the good advice on here. However I have moved on, I have forgiven but not forgotten. I guess betrayal is hard to get over. I have different periods where I think about it a lot, and other times I don't care. I find myself with stupid fantasies (we are not together in them) but stupid one's where I'm walking down the street and he is there, he notices and of course I'm looking good and happy. Its like I want to prove to him that my life does go and I can be happy without him. I know these fantasies are pulling me back and I think this is my only downfall.

Is this normal:confused:??

shazamataz · May 17, 2009, 05:39 AM

I thought I saw my ex walking down the street or in a shop for months after we broke up... I even got a bit of a flutter in my stomach when I thought he was there.
I'm assuming it is relatively normal and for me it eventually went away when I found my current partner... now when I think I've seen him I don't get the 'flutter' anymore, I get the "oh please let him see me happy with someone else" feeling :)

I wish · May 17, 2009, 05:50 AM

I think it's a normal feeling. I've had this feeling so many times. It just means that we still have some recovering to do because we haven't completely healed yet. Just keep giving yourself more time. These fantasies are just a phase and it will pass with time.

You will know that you are over him when you don't care what he thinks anymore.

MiSSsy111222 · Dec 1, 2009, 12:32 PM

Merged and edited

The ex has got back in touch with me, this is the second time he has been in contact with me. The first time was a couple of months ago apologising for his bad behaviour.. he soon dissappeared. Now he is back but face to face. I bumped into him and we had a long conversation. He seemed mature and he explained everything. Like a fool I believed that he was telling the truth, after this chat he admitted that had done the wrong thing and that he misses everything about me and our relationship. We talked for a long time and all I could remember was the good times- basically I forgave him. He said after how he wanted to kiss me and he said some other sweet words. Now this is where it gets even more complicated, he is engaged to another girl, he has denied it constantly, I have even asked him 4-5 times... now I feel like a fool because I easily let him back into my life. I will admit seeing him has stirred old feelings back, but I also have recognised that he is not the one for me.

I feel like this boy is going out of his way to hurt me and to drag me down with the constant lies. I don't understand why he keeps telling lies to me, I'm not his girlfriend anymore.

Since the break up I have been very successful. I had moved on, gone to uni, got my own place made great friends and I was very happy, I think he saw this and didn't like it. I want to cut him back out of my life but I don't want to be too harsh on him... its not his fault that he is a loser! However I will be seeing him around more often and I don't want any negative feelings between us, this is why I don't want to break contact with him in a bad way.

Basically my question is does anyone have any general advice about his behaviour and how do I cut the contact with him?

Devorameira · Dec 1, 2009, 12:51 PM

I think you're going to have to bluntly tell him that you aren't interested in a relationship with him. Looks to me like he'd like to have his cake and eat it too, but luckily you've seen through the lies. I wouldn't worry about hurting his feelings - he needs to accept responsibility for his own actions. Run, don't walk, away from him! If you have to change your phone number do it....whatever it takes.