[callmejaygatsby]

Hi all.

Let me say first that I am grateful and thankful for all the responses that I receive towards this thread as well as support from people who I do not know in real life. Thank you so much for taking the time to listen, talk, chat... whatever it is. Just thank you, I want to let you know that right now.

I'm 20 years old and I'm from orange county, cali. I go to the local University and I am just about to break down at this moment. I feel so alone and helpless. Currently, its about 2 AM and I have my biggest final tomorrow in my hardest class. I've studied and all.. but I just feel like I am going to fail anyway. My major is biomedical engineering and my class I'm taking is BME. I guess the reason to why I feel like such a miserable failure in BME is because of the competition. Everyone is premed. Everyone's so damn smart. I know, change majors right? Well instead of actually just changing majors, they want to kick me out of my engineering school. I am on academic probation and my grades are all iffy and I am so worried about switching majors, especially after 2 years of work. I guess I'm just nervous for tomorrow and for my grades this quarter, but that's only part of my stress.

My most concerning issue is the fact that my girlfriend tested positive for her pregnancy test. She's been like 2 months late on her period... and now I am all freaking out because she took the test 2-3 weeks ago and she received negative. And she took another one today and it read positive. Tomorrow she is going in to the doctor to get a physician examination. I have a pretty big bet that she's pregnant, and if so... abortion. I know, I know.. tough subject, tough everything but that's what we decided... especially since we are so young and all... I surely am not ready to raise a kid. Besides this, our relationship is falling apart so fast because she's been egging me to on marry her even though she's 19 and I'm 20. Yea, I'm not into that... u know? Hell, I don't even know what classes I'm taking next quarter, let alone know if I want to marry this girl. But I will say this, I love her dearly and I want to be with her. I have sat through with this for months now, putting up with all this crap about how everything I do isn't good enough for us. How my feelings for her are not enough and that she wants to be reassured that we are going to get married sometime in the future. In pressure... I just don't know about her anymore. I feel torn about our relationship and now I'm 85% sure she's going to get an abortion sometime soon and you know its going to have psychological effects on her... negative ones. life wasn't messed up enough.

Oh yea, did I mention I'm dirt poor? I got a ticket a couple days ago for running a red light from a cop. I know, it was my fault but he didn't have to be a about it and tell me that "its not big deal" when I can hardly pay to eat food. And of course this abortion is going to cost at least 400 dollars... I am just so stressed out with my academic, emotional and financial problems at the moment. I kind of have a job... im a test subject at school, but they have been really late in paying me plus I can't log so many hours. Also, I have another job training boys scouts on the sea base... except they don't do anything unless its on the weekends. And I am a full time student.

I don't know, I am just losing it right now... maybe its due to lack of sleep, stress.. what have you, I am breaking down here. You honestly don't have to post anything here... I just needed to vent some of this out to at least acknowledge that someone cares.

My question would be, how should I be handling this situation? I just don't know what to do anymore... I can't deal with this crap anymore. All I can think about is getting into a car accident or blowing my head off with a gun. I am just so close to giving up...

[Clough]

Hi, callmejaygatsby!

Okay, so you've vented. What's the best thing that you think you could do for yourself right now in order to prepare for the brand new day?

Thanks!

[artlady]

You need to break down the issues and deal with them one at at time.As a group it is simply too overwhelming.

Regarding the school work,perhaps you could ask a friend from class for extra help.Are there free tutors available? Extra work to bring up your grades?Talk to your student adviser and get some help with that.

Regarding your girlfriend and the pregnancy.Planned parenthood will do terminations on a sliding scale according to income.You may very well not have to pay the full amount.The emotional aspect of termination is never easy but neither is alternative.Speak to the people at planned parenthood as they do have counseling as well.

Stress is awful and you need to learn how to cope.Exercise and eating right,keeping regular hours are all pro active things you can do to keep stress manageable.

Do not do anything rash,people who love you will be devastated and if you can't think of yourself right now think of them.

Please give us an update,if you are so inclined and come and rant anytime.
This part of a prayer always helps me..

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.