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packair · Mar 18, 2009, 02:34 PM

My boyfriend and I split up and he took the kids now he won't give them back and his mom wants custody of them. What do I do to get them back?

packair · Mar 18, 2009, 02:43 PM

My boyfriend and I split up and he took the kids now he won't give them back and his mom wants custody of them. What do I do to get them back?

stevetcg · Mar 18, 2009, 06:31 PM

File for custody in court.

ScottGem · Mar 18, 2009, 06:40 PM

This is a legal question not a children question. I've moved it to the Family law forum. There have been recent threads discussing this issue and I suggest you look up at them.

Is your boyfriend on the birth certificate? Has there been any court action regarding custody and visitation? If there hasn't been any court action, then call the police and report him for parental kidnapping. In the meantime, you need to go to court and establish custody.

If custody has been established, then you can still contact the police since he has violated the custody order.

MsMewiththat · Mar 18, 2009, 06:59 PM

If you and your boyfriend have a custody and visitation agreement and he has stepped out side of it then my suggestion would be to contact the authorities. If you are at all concerned with their safety I would also recommend contacting the authorities.
With no agreement in place it isn't necessarily true that you have to file to get them back. You can also contact a non emergency police number and let them know what you are experiencing, if the children have always been in your custody you can most likely get their assistance in getting them home with you. At that time I woul recommend, if you don't already have one in place to get a custody/visitation order in place and filed in your state/county.

cadillac59 · Mar 19, 2009, 10:40 PM

I always find it amazing to see the gender bias in the responses people give to questions like this. If it's the dad who has the kids and won't let mom see them the immediate reaction is , "CALL THE POLICE-they'll help, they'll get the kids back for you [ah, excuse me, they probably will not and will likely say, 'Get a lawyer, this is a civil matter --we can't get involved'."]

But if it's the mom who has the kids and won't let the dad see them the responses are all, "Ah, have you proven you are the father yet? You'll have to get a lawyer , there's nothing you can do, ask the judge to give you 'visitation'"... It's as if women, because of their gender alone, had superior parenting rights. Why? Because they provided the womb services and carried the kid around in their bellies for 9 months? Is that how it works? So they deserve greater recognition as a parent--hey, after all the dad was just the sperm donor and had some fun on one occasion so how does that compare to the mom's great sacrifice? This kind of logic belongs on Fox News.

It's all nonsense. The law doesn't recognize gender bias when it comes to parents. And it shouldn't.

This OP has to file a court action and ask for custody (or visitation). That's it. She doesn't need to waste her time with calling the police.

MsMewiththat · Mar 20, 2009, 08:00 AM

I'm not going to give you a reddie baed on my feelings and I think it is rude that you did based on yours. I am not stating my opinion simply because it's the father that has the kids. I disagree 100% in what you have written above and the reason for that is because based on the agreement that this couple has in place there is something that the police can and will do. If there is a court order all that is required is to present your position and they will help you. They are there to enforce the law. Court orders are laws. Without additional information from the OP it is impossible to say one way or another whether the police would help.

ScottGem · Mar 20, 2009, 08:43 AM

My experience in these circumstances is split. If a custodial parent goes to the police, presents a valid custodial court order and tells the police that the NCP refuses to return the kids, the police will usually accompany the CP to pick up the kids. However, if the NCP creates a fuss, the police will sometimes back off.

But I agree with MsMwwiththat in that the police should help enforce a valid court order. In the OP's case, we do not know if there is a valid court order in place.

cadillac59 · Mar 20, 2009, 09:16 AM

There was nothing in this OP's question or comments to suggest there is a court order in place. Obviously, if there is, you DO call the police because they will enforce court orders. If there is no court order then the answer is the police will not get involved. And for good reason: if no law has been violated they have no jurisdiction to simply walk in and play the role of a court and judge to settle people's disputes. It would be like calling the police because someone won't refund your money for something you bought at the shopping mall.

cadillac59 · Mar 20, 2009, 09:56 AM

Some police departments will get involved if there is reason to believe that the children are in harm.

It's a crime to harm children or place them at risk of harm (it's called child endangerment). So, sure. Police investigate crimes or what are potential crimes.

Or if the mother can prove that they lived with her and that dad took them for no apparent reason.

Nope. That's not going to make it. That's a civil matter the police will not get involved in without a court order being violated.

It happened to a friend of mine all she had to prove was that the kids were enrolled in the school in her area not the dads and she had no court order and the police went over there and got the kids back. Also the dad had no beds for them or clothes for a lengthy stay so this was not an ideal place for these children and the police helped no court order needed.

That's called an anecdote and that's not legal authority and essentially means nothing. Sometimes police make mistakes, sometimes they overstep their authority. Who knows? What happened in that case probably would rarely or never happen anywhere else.

JudyKayTee · Mar 20, 2009, 10:11 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I'm not going to give you a reddie but this is not the law everywhere - and this is very far away from the norm.

I you have a legal source, please post it.

As far as paternity is concerned - people who do NOT have DNA testing are, in my mind, fools. Determine 100% who the father of the child is and proceed from there. As far as the father - why would you agree to pay support unless you're 100% positive.

Because it's a civil matter, not a criminal matter, so this makes no sense. I also notice you are going back and forth with "Cadillac" who, in fact, IS an Attorney and IS in family practice.

This is another case of "I have a friend who has a brother who has a friend ..."

This is simply not valuable legal advice and I've certainly been involved on cases on the OTHER side of this fence where the Police have said, "Go to Family Court. We are the Police. We investigate criminals, not child custody disputes."

this8384 · Mar 20, 2009, 02:02 PM

v
Well, in that case...

Yes, you CAN breed chickens with horses.

That's my opinion and seeing as there are no longer any rules to this site, you can't give me a reddie because there's nothing wrong with what I said.

cdad · Mar 20, 2009, 04:35 PM

Originally Posted by this8384

v
Well, in that case...

Yes, you CAN breed chickens with horses.

That's my opinion and seeing as there are no longer any rules to this site, you can't give me a reddie because there's nothing wrong with what I said.

If horses could fly we would need bigger unbrellas : )

Alty · Mar 20, 2009, 04:45 PM

I didn't think chickens could fly Calidad, so no worries, these horse/chickens will stay grounded. ;)

stevetcg · Mar 20, 2009, 04:59 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

I didn't think chickens could fly Calidad, so no worries, these horse/chickens will stay grounded. ;)

CA is an odd state. Maybe chickens can fly there. :)

JudyKayTee · Mar 21, 2009, 07:12 AM

Originally Posted by this8384

v
Well, in that case...

Yes, you CAN breed chickens with horses.

That's my opinion and seeing as there are no longer any rules to this site, you can't give me a reddie because there's nothing wrong with what I said.

Yes, I am out of (threatened) greenies but it is MY legal opinion - and only my opinion, based on absolutely nothing except that my cousin's friend's brother in law told me so - that chickens CAN be bred with horses.

this8384 · Mar 21, 2009, 08:05 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Yes, I am out of (threatened) greenies but it is MY legal opinion - and only my opinion, based on absolutely nothing except that my cousin's friend's brother in law told me so - that chickens CAN be bred with horses.

Omg, why would you throw greenies at people? I don't think it's fair for you to give me a greenie for my opinion. That's not right. Oh, sorry; I used punctuation.

I don't think its fair for you to just say you want to give me a greenie I mean come on its my opinion and I am entitled to it all I am saying is thtat I don't think its right for you to give me a greenie just because you feel like you want to I can't believe you want to give me a greenie this is bullcrap

Btw, are greenies now made in baseball form that they can be thrown?

Fr_Chuck · Mar 21, 2009, 03:26 PM

Well is he on the birth certificates, if so, yes he has as much right to the kids as you do.

So what do you do ? You file in court for child custody, perhaps joint custody, you work out child support and other issues.

He can get custody , he can get joint custody, he could get visits,
This will be up to the courts,
His mom can not get custody unless both you and he wants it to happen

ScottGem · Mar 22, 2009, 05:46 AM

George,
I don't want a fight here, but Cadillac is asking a legitimate question. Can you point to a summary or something of laws that show only CA and AZ have laws governing an unwed father's presumption of paternity?

As I understand most of the state laws, it depends on the mother to some extent. If the mother agrees to have the father sign the birth certificate or an acceptance of paternity, that is what establishes it. If the mother refuses to do so, the father can then file for custody and a court will order a paternity test.

this8384 · Mar 23, 2009, 06:23 AM

Originally Posted by sarnian

sarnian disagrees: Breeding chickens with horses? Nonsense. DNA makes that impossible. And this site has still a long list of rules. Maybe not your rules, though.

Actually, I was referring to another issue on another thread. Maybe you'd like to do your research before opening your mouth.

I find it quite pathetic that you find a reason to give me a revenge reddie just because you have a strange sense of entitlement. You come to a free advice site and have the audacity to say that you should be paid? Please.

I've also noticed that you have quite the history of handing out reddies to anyone who gives you one. This also violates site rules. You clearly don't understand this site or what its purpose is. I've put in a complaint to the administrators; I'd start being a little more careful if you'd like to continue to use this site.