[kctiger]

Neither the beginning nor the end of the "break up" phase really matter. Taking a magic pill to expedite the process would really be cheating yourself... it is what happens between the actual break up and the actual full fledged healing that makes a HUGE impact on you. You are in a prime spot to make changes that will have a profound impact on the rest of your life. It is, of course, hard to realize that now, but believe me, this is YOUR time.

[talaniman]

I know in time it'll definitely go away but can time go any faster??

Hint-Time flies when your having fun.

Get busy being good to yourself, and doing good things for yourself.

The closer you get to being happy with who you are with out needing anyone else to tell you how great you are, the better you feel about yourself.

[akalea10]

I don't think I am ready for another relationship. You guys are right. I need to take this time for myself. Its just the whole process of breaking up is hard to deal with. I don't like the pain, the anxiety of thinking what he's doing, who is he with etc. I think I've been pretty good with NC. After that last text I have not heard from him yet. I guess the big question is, what do I do when he actually tries to contact me. Its so easy to overcome the sadness when there's anger inside but when it wears off... thats when I start missing him and wanting to call/txt him. What's driving me crazy right now is the thought of him going out of the country to party this weekend with his buddies. I can't stop thinking of him being with someone else. But I guess why should I care right? After all I did break up with him. I need to stop! I need to let go! I need to not think of him. How do you stop? I can't always make myself busy all the time so I don't think of him.. there is always a down time.

[akalea10]

UPDATE

After a week of break up, he texted me saying he needs my help to look for an apartment since his mom was kicking him out. I felt bad. He keeps on texting me that he'so lonely and everything is just going down hill for him So I decided to help him. We had a really good talk about our relationship. We did compromise about his jealousy. Until, the past couple of nights. I don't even know what to think right now. All I know I am just so frustrated with him and I don't know why. His jealousy came back when I told him I was partnered with an opposite sex coworker to organize an event for work. At first he was making all these sarcastic comments which irritated me It's like talking to a child. Then out of the heated argument I brought up the last break up and said this is the reason why I don't want to be with him and how I don't like it when he's controlling and I am tired of doing so much to save this relationship. Of course, with his smart respose " oh wow, y ou've done so much . I owe you a lot etc thank you thank you thank you". Then after a brief silence, he started "acting" so nice, saying stuff like "baby, i miss you...i'm sorry..from now on you can do whatever you want because I owe you so much". Now he claims he is saying this with pure heart but my gut says he is just acting and he is full of sarcasm! Today everything came back again with a different reason its about helping a family out that he doesn't like. Although I don't really like this family but I feel bad if I don't help. So once again, he started with his sarcastic comments. Then after a minute , he says he remembered his promise me last night that he was going to let me do whatever I want and he forgot so he was sorry. I still do't believe him. I don't trust that he is telling me the truth. Regardless he keeps on telling me that he is. I am so afraid of believing him then he'll just me for it later on. I am really irriated with him. There is nothing he says that makes me feel better. Everything that comes out of my mouth are all mean things. I don't believe anything that he says. He claims that he's doing it for me, being nice since he loves me. I don't know what to do.

[KatiePlce]

Honey I DATED that guy for 7 years THEY DO NOT CHANGE!
GO WITH YOUR GUT... Because if you DO NOT BELIEVE him & trust what he's telling you for good reason then Don't. You tried haven't you? You took him back GUESS what ITS STILL the same controlling person. So what if it hurts you thinking of him with someone else with NC, but guess what you deserve an HONEST LOVING CARING TRUTH WORTHY man who won't say "hey two can play that game" who won't make you feel guilty. I left mine as hard as it was & found THE DREAM GUY... I do still think of my ex but I just have to remember I didn't want to be controlled and I wanted MY OWN LIFE not one where it revolved around him. Its hard but it doesn't respect you when you took him back & he won't care about what you WANT. He will however LIE & say "do whatever you want" TO KEEP YOU. He won't change. He won't. Don't make the mistake I did & stick it out & think you can change him never happened and his current girlfriend will find out the hard way also.

[talaniman]

Stop helping him, and let him help himself, and get him out of your life... AGAIN!!

Then you won't be second guessing his motives or yours.

[roxypox]

I like the phrase: its called a break up because its broken I find a lot of truth in that.

You're frustrated with him because nothing really changed, sure it changed for a moment (but then you blinked and the jealousy was back)

Like tal and katie said; get out, again and go back to NC, let go and move on with your life...

And stop helping him, its time for him to learn how to take care of and help himself! And you should just help you!

[akalea10]

That's what I would like to do but when I think about it I am left with so much guilt because of the thought of what ifs "what if my assumptions are wrong...what if he's really willing to change? what if he's really doing it because he loves me...etc.". Could this be the reason why I am frustrated with him? I mean... if I stay with him - I get frustrated.. if I let him go - I feel guilty. Thhis is why I get so confused on what to do...


I appreciate all of your feedback.. I haven't talked to him since yesterday... I have not broken up with him yet... thanks again!

[talaniman]

Why would you feel guilty when he is the one not doing his part?

[akalea10]

Well him acting the way he is right now isn't that him trying to do his part? He's being super nice... saying things "i'm doing it for you..cuz i love you". Doesn't that mean something? Or like what my gut says.. he's just BSing me

[talaniman]

If his action don't match his words, its BS! Only you can answer that.

Reread post 24, does this sound like love?

[liz28]

You really need to start following your instincts because it will never fail you. If you have a gut feeling that he is full of bs most likely he is and from what you wrote about his actions and spoken words prove that point, don't you think?

Once you start going against that gut feeling your be stuck with the conflicting feelings your having now.

This guy is just a big baby that have temper traums when things doesn't goes his way. He lived with his mother and didn' have sense needed to go out to find a place of his own. No, he needed someone to hold his hands because he hasn't grown up yet. His jealousy is just out of this world and if you can't converse with him without him blowing up, again how you interact with him.

One thing I can say about him is that I give him credit for knowing how to wheel you in and pull your cords. All of this back and forth only leads to frustration and unnecessary drama that you shouldn't want. You can't change him nor his way of thinking but you have the power to change you and your way of thinking.

If you open your eyes and see him for who he is you would know your better out without him. However, if you keep reading his texts stated "he's sorry" or "he's lonely" and than really feel sorry for him than your going be stuck in this situation forever.

[akalea10]

Well you are right. My gut feeling was right. I knew better but doubted myself. I just finished talking to him. He finally admitted to me that it was all a joke. He was glad that "it" was working. He knew that I would know well enough that he's just pretending to be nice. He said I hurt his feelings by saying "i always save our relationship by trying to work everything out". I guess that offended him and couldn't accept it. That's his reason for his actions. Anger rushed through me when he admitted his actions, to the point where I ended the relationship. I did say "I don't ever want to be with you again". I know I said that to hurt his feelings but I'm not really sure if I meant it. I must say the break up the first time last week was so much easier for me than this one. I am actiually in so much pain right now. We ended the conversation in a "nice manner". He said he didn't want to fight. He just let me go. BUT after a few minutes he texted me saying thank you for everything... I am going to miss you for sure... I hope you're not mad at me.. I love you." and I REALLY want to text him back. I'm just trying to stop myself. This is hard. I'm at work and can't focus, so here I am.

[KatiePlce]

He won't change, you did the right thing. Just start moving on as best as u can with NC.

[artlady]

well him acting the way he is right now isn't that him trying to do his part? He's being super nice... saying things "i'm doing it for you..cuz i love you". Doesn't that mean something? Or like what my gut says.. he's just BSing me

Yes,he is Bsing you.One minute he shows his true colors and the next he realizes he has pushed you away so he has to reel you back in with his baby babies.

You will only have more of the same.Jealous controlling behavior is ingrained and it takes more than a few paltry attempts to change it.

I think you will have more of the same if you take him back and as these behaviors predictability do ,they will only escalate.

[artlady]

BUT after a few minutes he texted me saying thank you for everything... I am going to miss you for sure... I hope you're not mad at me.. I love you." and I REALLY want to text him back. I'm just trying to stop myself. This is hard. I'm at work and can't focus, so here I am.

He is a manipulator and you are like clay in his hands. A controlling manipulator is the worst kind of abuser there is.He may not be an abuser yet but if you give him time,he will be.
I have seen this so many times,please take my advice and know that you are treading in dangerous water.

[talaniman]

The best thing you can do is stick to your guns, and accept no more of his BS!
Your free to pursue your own happiness.

[akalea10]

Tomorrow we have a long trip to go with friends. I think NC will be hard to do during this trip. I was thinking of not going but I really want to go to this place since I have never been there before. Plus it'll be fun since about 18 people are going. I guess I can somehow try to avoid him. Any suggestions? I'm sure everyone will notice we're not together anymore. I have not told any of my friends yet.

[talaniman]

No wonder he was so agreeable about letting you go. He knew he would see you again, and give himself another bite of the apple. That doesn't sound good at this time.

Your letting yourself in for more games, and BS, if you do go.

I think now would be a good time to avoid him, there will be other trips in the future for you to enjoy, without him there with you.

[Janmarie]

Tomorrow we have a long trip to go with friends. I think NC will be hard to do during this trip. I was thinking of not going but I really want to go to this place since I have never been there before. Plus it'll be fun since about 18 people are going. I guess I can somehow try to avoid him. Any suggestions? I'm sure everyone will notice we're not together anymore. I have not told any of my friends yet.

Are you strong enough emotionally to take this trip that he will be on as well? even tho there will be 18 more people does not mean that it will probably be okay and you can try to avoid him. The air between you and this man will be very thick and others around you will notice it clearly. Why take a trip anywhere that you will have to "try" and avoid someone? Does not sound to me like a fun thing to do. This "place" will always be there to visit why not make the trip for yourself when he will not be going along and you will enjoy it so much more. Doesn't mean you need to stay home and feel sorry for yourself, oh hell no! Plan to do something else in fact, completely fill your life with doing things for you. It sounds to me like you need to put some distance between you and him. Start thinking about yourself first and be selfish when it comes to your precious time. Stop wasting it on him. There are more worthy men out there then you can shake a stick at. Men who are worth spending your time with.