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spring2009 · Mar 17, 2009, 08:49 PM

Hi.. my 21 yr old son has been going through hell... he met this 20 yr old girl from broken home who was living with an abusive boyfriend, and after 3 weeks into their "relationship" she became pregnant... he took her for restraining order & it was granted but she continued to go back to boyfriend even after finding out she was pregnant, but wasn't sure who was the father... we took her into our home so she had a safe place to live, and my son stood by her side the whole pregnancy & delivery.I insisted on Paternity test for my familys sake & that of the child.. he was determined to be baby dad, but his name was not placed on birth certificate (was listed as to be determined) amd carries the name of mothers step-father.. after 7 months.. girlfriend takes baby out of state & to go home to "mommy" who never did a thing for here throughout her whole pregnancy.. at any rate.. he had to go to court to get visitation rights, but mother "lost" the original birth certificate and will not submit to having his name added to birth certificate.. they at one time were going to hyphenate last name.. now all of sudden 3 months later she is engaged to a new guy (following in her mothers footsteps.. 3 c hildren all from different guys, but only she carries step fathers name).. now is holding birth certificate off trying to get new guys name added as child's father... Can my son petion court to have his child's last name changed to his since he pays support without the mothers signature?

The lack of fathers rights in this country are deplorable..

stevetcg · Mar 18, 2009, 04:14 AM

Something isn't right here... you can't 'lose' a birth certificate. She doesn't have the original. The original is on file in the town/county clerks office where the child is born.

Why did you son take 7 months to establish paternity? Was it done through the court or was it a do it yourself test?

And yes, he can petition the court to have his name added, but it probably won't happen. Of course she cannot change the baby's name without his consent either.

spring2009 · Mar 18, 2009, 05:43 AM

Paternity was done at birth, so we knew within 5 days... they lived here, together for 7 months after baby was born, and girlfriend would get angry about something & split for Mommy's across state lines.. then call son & apologize & come back.. but babu came home with mothers name (actually step fathers name).. Son had insisted that this get done at ~ 5 months, and at one time had original notarized with hyphenated last name, but before it could make it into mail, was lost in car accident when car flipped.. so that's how she claims ity was "lost".. now the BC is a "bargaining chip".. lcurrent lawyer doent feel it's a big deal, but now sincw she fled 3 states away.. he filed custody papers & was awarded [artial... now almost 8 weeks later (she left right after xmas, custody done in January.. she now files for child support & now is engaged to someone she has known 3 moths.. she grew up in "system" has siblings by oyjer fathers & mom collected child support on her (even though she wasn't even living with her) until march of last year (20 yr old).. momma knows way around system.. now she wants new boyfriends name added to baby bith certiviate cause that home her momma did it...

stevetcg · Mar 18, 2009, 05:50 AM

Ok - well it sounds like he is the legal father, which means she cannot modify the birth certificate without his consent either. If they cannot agree on the name, it will likely remain the same.

Is the custody order being violated? Meaning did the judge grant him weekends that she is not complying with? Has her move affected the court order?

And yes, she is entitled to child support. That comes along with father's rights.

As for the BC being a bargaining chip... don't let it. Its just a name. You can call the child anything you want. Focus on what is important... the child. A rose by any other name still smells as sweet...

spring2009 · Mar 18, 2009, 07:06 AM

yes, I realize its just a name, but we have a very strong sense of family and my son doesn't want his child to carry the name of someone who has nothing to do with her heritage... we know he intends to support his daughter, not the bit___ nail appts & tanning sessions which is what she will use the money for, she used to steal $$ from baby piggybank for cigarettes... has her on medical assitance & WIC, so we will wait & see what $ figure they agree on.. He intends to go back to court to gain primary custody since the child is sleeping in a port-a-crib in a cramped home, with her grandmom & new boyfriend, handicapped son from previous relationship, and the greatgrandmother, and mommy & new boyfriend and at the new boyfriends appt... where at our home she had stability & her own room.. has a track record of jumping from man to man in abusive relationships & are concerned with the values she may develop in that tramp environment.. so far has not violated custody order, but is constantly requesting changes in days.. It is a 2 hour drive one way, and occurs every week...

stevetcg · Mar 18, 2009, 07:15 AM

Her name is just a name and it will very likely change someday anyway when she gets married... her name does not change her heritage.

His support can be used for whatever the mother wants, unfortunately. That's the crux of child support... sometimes it doesn't completely benefit the child. That's the way it goes... and yes, it sucks. The good news is that it can often be used as an argument in change of custody hearings.

I'm sorry you feel so negatively about your grandchild's mother. But he chose to have a child with her. I don't mean to come off as harsh or unsympathetic, but it's a fact... this was his choice.