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Pets Expert
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Mar 17, 2009, 04:58 PM
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The difference between men and women.
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
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Uber Member
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Mar 17, 2009, 06:15 PM
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Love it! Hilarious! Especially the success part.
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Plumbing Expert
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Mar 17, 2009, 06:31 PM
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Great, the future was my favorite
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Uber Member
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Mar 17, 2009, 10:58 PM
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It is funny...
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Uber Member
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Mar 18, 2009, 01:56 PM
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Frangipanis agrees: Twinks! I want your avi! Lol
Oh, you mean the one with the dollar bills over the guy's eyes? I thought that one was quite fitting as that's the way most people in the US are lately. The more money they have, the better. Also, the more money they have the less likely they can see anything other than themselves.
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Ultra Member
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Mar 18, 2009, 07:29 PM
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You have been spying on me! :p
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Senior Member
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Mar 20, 2009, 05:16 PM
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Ha! I love the "offspring" section.
I have been on spring break for the past week, and my dad has asked me "How was school today?" 3 times... no joke.
Ha ha, very nice
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Uber Member
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Mar 20, 2009, 05:28 PM
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Surprisingly fair! LOL!
Well in my case the kids one is so wrong. I can't imagine a day without my kids.
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Senior Member
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Mar 20, 2009, 05:30 PM
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 Originally Posted by NeedKarma
Surprisingly fair! LOL!
Well in my case the kids one is so wrong. I can't imagine a day without my kids.
^^^Don't get me wrong, I have a great dad. He can just be so clueless.
shamWOW!
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Pets Expert
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Mar 20, 2009, 05:31 PM
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Sham wow is right! So NK, does it really work? Does it? :)
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Uber Member
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Mar 20, 2009, 05:32 PM
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"You'll love my nuts!"
edit to add: in case you don't know what the above refers to --> click here.
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Pets Expert
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Mar 20, 2009, 05:34 PM
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 Originally Posted by NeedKarma
"You'll love my nuts!"
Okay, you lost me. :eek:
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Uber Member
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Mar 20, 2009, 05:36 PM
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 Originally Posted by Altenweg
Okay, you lost me. :eek:
Check the edit to my post. :)
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Senior Member
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Mar 20, 2009, 05:36 PM
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Ha ha, me too...
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Pets Expert
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Mar 20, 2009, 05:39 PM
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Okay, that guy has way too much energy for a normal human being. What's he on? Where can I get some? Is it in the nuts? ;)
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Uber Member
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Mar 20, 2009, 05:41 PM
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He makes a living selling stuff, that's his thing. Not sure what he's like when he's not on camera, probably hangs out with Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes. :)
Ok, got to go crack a beer and play Guitar Hero: World Tour.
Cheers!
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Pets Expert
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Mar 20, 2009, 05:43 PM
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Cheers NK, have one for me, heck, make it two, I can take it. :)
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