[Mommy102808]

My future husband and I are constantly arguing over his parents being way to involved in our relationship. His parents call constantly to ask what he is doing, where he has been, and what his plans are for later. They think that their son is still a baby and always want him at their house. He works with his dad eleven to twelve hours a day when he gets home I want to spend some time with just him, but he always wants me to go to his parents house, and if I tell him no he gets really mad at me. We already live together and have a daughter and since she has been born my life has been hell. His dad calls and if I answer the phone he calls me names and his mom is always trying to raise my daughter the way she thinks that she should be raised. I let her stay with them because they are her grandparents and his mom done a few things that I did not agree with and I told her about it in a nice way that wouldn't hurt her feelings. A while later I let my daughter stay with them again, she again done stuff that I did not agree with and had already told her about it. When I told my future husband about this he would not say anything to her, he told me to not worry about it. I know she has raised her own children but I think I should have say over my own daughter. Is this wrong? My husband to be puts his mom and dad before me and his daughter even though he says he don't. What should I do to make things work out between all of us, without the normal argument that sometimes leads to splitting up.
Sorry this was so long,
Please help.

[theROICoach]

There is nothing you can do to make other people behave the way you'd like them to behave. You're in control of you and no one else. You have to understand something and I truly hope you get this: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." If your soon to be husband is siding with his family on all issues (including your daughter), that is not going to change when you get married. In fact, it's going to get worse. The more children you have, it's going to get worse. When a man marries a woman, he's supposed to cleave to her and start a new family. Yes, he can still love and honor his parents but he has to be willing to wake up everyday and choose his wife. You already see that he is not doing this for you and don't bank on him ever doing this for you.

The question is: can you spend the rest of your life in this relationship if nothing ever changes? Because that's what unconditional love is. It's not hoping that someone is going to change because the way they are is making you miserable. This is not hoping that he will change and putting your entire marriage on the "possibility." You need to face the facts: this is who he is and he doesn't see anything wrong with it, then he doesn't see the need to change if he doesn't see the need to change, he probably won't.

Do you really want to spend the next 30-40 years like this, being disrespected by his family, having to be around them, having your children be raised by them? Either way, you choose...

Pre-Divorce Planning For Smart People

[2ndTime]

Check out my relationship problem and tell me if this rings your past problem and let me know.

[2ndTime]

My boyfriend is starting to worry me because when I try to talk to him about his families behavior, he says he doesn't want to talk about it.