[paul reeve]

I've talked about this before in a round about way.Iwas not the best husband in the world.As I have said before ,I have served the last 2.5 yrs in prison,out of 3.5 yrs.My problem was cocaine ,she was always a willing partisapate.In the end she started to choose alcohol over coke.we slowly drifted apart ,me with coke and her with boose,Anyway we are still legally marrried but she will not talk to me.I know she is involved in a new relationship.Now I don't want to rock the boat.But I know she still loves me.I've been clean for almost a yr.It toook me getting shot by the cops to realize that after 3 yrs I lost the best thing I ever had.I know it sounds stupid,but I can't get my wife out of my mind.I dream about her on a regular basis.It coming down to realise that she is still the one for me.I'm not sure if she still thinks that way.She's a very solid person never made the call even though there are times she should have.Do I leave her alonr or try to contact her.We have no restraining orders agaainst us but am I thinking the right way or should I let her go.Ilove her deeply and I admit things fell apart because of me.What to do?

[Jake2008]

It sounds like both of you were equally travelling down that destructive path together.

I applaud you for getting clean.

I have a feeling that, had you not gone to prison, the relationship likely would have failed anyway. You were a different person then, and not the person you are now.

You have your future ahead to plan without the pain and mistakes of the past, and that unfortunately includes your wife. Had she too got herself sober, and maintained a bond with you during your time in prison, there would certainly be hope, but I doubt that she can say she has the same bright future that you have now.

The hardest thing in the world to do is to let somebody that you love, go. The relationship you had with her is gone. It was a lifetime ago. While you may think of her as being the love of your life, that does not always make for a non-toxic relationship. I would think that hooking up with her, would not allow you the freedom to make good choices for yourself now.

It would be like returning to the past, and I doubt that is where you want to go.

Think of what you have accomplished, and what you want to accomplish in this life. Let go of the past, and all the people in it, and carve yourself a healthy, meaningful life with someone who loves you for who you are now.

[johnre9999]

Trust me... move on. visiting the past will only lead you down the same path. Although I never suffered from your situation, I will tell you that losing my wife also opened my eyes to all she was. She suffers from multiple personality disorders and was making ME crazy because of it. Her friends, her family, even her coworkers whom she associated with... all were similar. I never saw this until after meeting someone new and wonderful. For months I did just as you are doing; feeling pains of loss and desires to reconcile. In the end, the pain subsided, the memories were brought into focus, and I finally saw her for who she was. Now, I can't even imagine returning knowing what I know and seeing things as they truly are. If you really wish to puruse her, first at least take a step back and ask yourself if she is truly what you want? Is a return to your past truly what you want? There IS someone out there who will not only make you feel this way again but will also let you break that cycle. I found one.