[eddpad]

I'll try to tell my story as concise and clear as possible. I have been friends with this girl now for about 2 months and a half; we get along great. She's very lively, social, intelligent, witty, etc. I'm very reserved, humble, sracastic and practical. For the past week there have been feelings for each other that have surfaced. We haven't made anything official but we have done stuff and we do talk to each quite a bit. And when I say that, I mean like those long conversations you have with someone over the phone for a couple of hours that remind you of high school. I thought I'd never talk to anyone like that ever again. There is definitely a certain innocense about the two of us that draws us together.

Here's my deal. I'm feeling insecure or inadequate around her. I'm not the most social person, I'm pretty shy around her regular friends and even though I don't consider myself devoid of any intelligence, I feel so inadequate around her because I feel I can't relate to her sometimes. She tells me that she does like me a lot and I ask her from time to time why she even likes me because on the surface we are SO different. To which replies "Sometimes being different is good." I'm a very shy reserved person at first glance. Although very different, we share similar feelings on issues such as trust, honesty, morals, career and so on.

I know I should just throw these insecurities to the wind and just go with it and say: "Hey, maybe I should just accept it that she does like me because I'm so different from her or any other guy she's been with and just go with it." I just really like this girl and I just can't get crap like this out of my head.

I'm sure there are those that may be with someone completely opposite from them right now, or may have been with at one point in their time. I would really appreciate any feedback possible.

Am I being silly? What should I think/do? Do opposites really attract and work?

P.S. I should probably note too that we've known each other for much longer; 1 year to be exact. We never got to know each other simply because I was too shy and never really engaged in ny type of conversation. With her. One night we finally broke the ice and REALLY got to know each other and since then we've just grown closer and closer and that's where we are now.

[Wildcat21]

Dude - how old are you?

NO GUY Should SPEND 2 HOURS O NTHE PHOEN WITH A WOMAN. EVER. 10 or 15 minutes at the most - then it's BYE, I AM BUSY.

If you want to talk -get to gehter.

LESS IS MORE with women. Menaing the of you you give her - the more she wants you.

You seems ton not understand that early on women need to miss you. It's a concept I couldn't even get for a long time.

But it sounds like you're just there too much.

Being insecure and needy is not good. Do other things. Don't worry aboutthis woman. She is ONLY part of your life - not your life.

[valinors_sorrow]

There is nothing wrong with being introvert. And yes, they often get along with extroverts nicely. But naïve or shallow is another matter, okay?

Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen here... I mean the VERY worst. Then ask sincerely yourself if that is a survivable event. If the answer is yes, throw all that caution to the wind JUST like everyone else out there mixing it up has. I mean it, every bit of it-- out da window! If the answer is no, then you desperately need to volunteer at a children's hospital ward or help build a huose with HFH so you can listen to some real stories about real struggle in order to shift your scale of things to something more realistic.

[talaniman]

Go for it... Enjoy and stop thinking so much just don't get all sloppy on her. Opposites attract. I'm winter my wife is summer after 32 years kids, grandkids, up down,fast slow, we still attract each other. She thinks I'm crazy I think she's a nut, GO FOR IT!

[Krs]

Dude - how old are you?

NO GUY SHOUDL SPEND 2 HOURS O NTHE PHOEN WITH A WOMAN. EVER. 10 or 15 minutes at the the most - then it's BYE, I AM BUSY.

If you want to talk -get to gehter.

LESS IS MORE with women. Menaing the of you you give her - the more she wants you.

You seems ton not understand that early on women need to miss you. It's a concept I couldn't even get for a long time.

But it sounds like you're just there too much.

Wildcat he is 22.

And why is there anything wrong to chat to any women on the phone for 2 hrs? I mean... after all it's a good sign, seems like they got a lot to talk about, what's wrong wi that?

I agree with getting together to talk, chat and have a drink or whatever, but sorry your above sentence doesn't make too much sense.

[kp2171]

Dude - how old are you?

NO GUY SHOUDL SPEND 2 HOURS O NTHE PHOEN WITH A WOMAN. EVER. 10 or 15 minutes at the the most - then it's BYE, I AM BUSY.

This is laughable.

I swear sometimes I literally spit on the screen laughing out loud when I read some of these kinds of answers.

I very much agree that the person should not rule your every waking moment. And I agree coming off needy and insecure isn't good long term.

But spending a bunch of time of the phone when getting to know someone has nothing to do with being less of a man.

Our local experts advice is a woman can get to know you with 10 minutes of conversation and being aloof.

Oops. Crap. I just spend, like, 12 minutes on this post. Dude, I got to go weld something.

Opposites can work. Insecurity is a big turn off.

She like you. She's interested. Stop wondering about whether you are worthy.

You don't have to be the star of the show to impress her. You do need to make an effort and be willing to step out of your confort zone a bit.

I am generally more quiet in bigger groups. I tend to listen more and not drive the conversation. No big deal. Just how I'm wired.

Try to relax and not make a big deal out of it. You do need to keep her interested, but that doesn't mean you need to be a showman, or really anything that you already aren't.

But do stop with asking her why she's with you.

[s_cianci]

You need to stop dwelling on your insecurities about your personality. You are who you are, period. You're not a bad person. You already know that this person likes you so you have nothing to worry about. You need to accept yourself as you are and own up to all of your personality characteristics. If others have a problem with that then it's their problem, not yours. I think that once you become comfortable with yourself then your insecurities will disappear.

[ilovcali]

I actually think I agree with WildCat on the phone thing. If she's within a 30min drive, go talk to her in person. Why would you talk to her on the phone? I talked to my ex on the phone for 2 hrs, during Christmas vacation. But she was in AZ and I was in CT. Otherwise, I'd just say I'll see you in 10, and go and see her.

Personally, I hate talking to girls on the phone. The chances of BLOWING IT are IMMENSE.

[Depressed in MO]

I actually think I agree with WildCat on the phone thing. If she's within a 30min drive, go talk to her in person. Why would you talk to her on the phone? I talked to my ex on the phone for 2 hrs, during Christmas vacation. But she was in AZ and I was in CT. Otherwise, I'd just say I'll see you in 10, and go and see her.

Personally, I hate talking to girls on the phone. The chances of BLOWING IT are IMMENSE.

Then only insecure people should talk on the phone for 10-15 minutes

[Wildcat21]

I personally I think talking too much on the phone does kill relationships.

If gal needs to talk on the phone, she should call her girlfriend. The guy truns into her girlfriend if he is on the phone all the time with her - happens every time.

You women SAY you want soemthing, but in reality - if he's on the phone for 2 hours... he enters the friend zone.

2 hours on the phone YUCK!

If you want to talk - go see her/him.

Guys get fired all the time by calling all the time. No question.

How many guys have you spent 2 hours on the phone with all the time and had 'those feleings for'. None.

[valinors_sorrow]

I really don't think there can be any hard, fast rule to consider governing phone conversations, sheesh, that's way too far into the details for anything reasonable simply because there are many many variables in that equation... so maybe it amounts to each to their own here.

Ever hear of penny wise and pound foolish? It would be good to recognise when a topic derails and get back on track. There are insecurities to deal with here and that is an important topic which isn't all that constructively supported by permitting or limiting phone time, frankly. Next thing you know, we'll be discussing how to dress him in the morning! :eek:

[Depressed in MO]

I personally I think talking too much on the phone does kill relationships.

If gal needs to talk on the phone, she should call her girlfriend. The guy truns into her girlfriend if he is on the phone all the time with her - happens every time.

You women SAY you want soemthing, but in reality - if he's on the phone for 2 hours....he enters the friend zone.

2 hours on the phone YUCK!

If you want to talk - go see her/him.

Guys get fired all the time by calling all the time. No question.

How many guys have you spent 2 hours on the phone with all the time and had 'those feleings for'. None.

Personally, I hate talking to girls on the phone. The chances of BLOWING IT are IMMENS" -Hey I was commenting on this statement, not yours. Your meaning behind it is different

[ilovcali]

I don't know if the meaning is that different. For me, it's not just for girls. If my father was 2 minutes away, and he rather speak on the phone than in person, something's off.

IN PERSON is always better than ON THE PHONE. Especially at the stage he's at. Courting.

[eddpad]

Ok, I think I should clarify because there might be a misunderstanding on the whole phone thing.

I don't call her 24/7. Heck! I don't even call her more than once or twice a week. If there is anyone that does the calling it is usually her and it's usually to set up a time and place to hang out.

Yes, there have been a few times that the conversation has carried on into what seems like forever, but it's not every time I talk to the girl. Besides, I find it very rare and unusual to talk to another person for that long and still have something to offer in the conversation. I don't know, it may just be me, but once you reach a certain age you just don't seem to REALLY connect with anyone anymore. It's just always some pseudo-intellectual babble about some pretentious and trendy topic. I mean, when the hell did people start acting like this? Remember back when everyone was innocent and was friends with someone just on the basis of being kind and just. Not having to meet any requisites under any category?

I agree Wildcat, any guy that calls a girl too much and just rambles on about anything on the phone is seen as unattractive. If a girl was calling me everyday and just wanted to talk over the phone I would become less and less interested in her. But the fact is, I call her at the most maybe 2-3 times a week. And I see her maybe 3 times? Our work takes up a lot of our time and so we don't leech off each other.

However, the real reason I brought this topic up is because of the whole feeling uncertain thing. She's only been with two guys before me. One was an extremely intelligent person and the other was an extremely social person. I don't consider myself stupid, but I don't consider myself as the smartest guy on the planet; and I certainly don't consider myself the most social either. I think someone said it here in this thread "not the loudest in big groups but I'll talk a little." It's the same with me.

I feel myself growing more comfortable with her and feel those insecurities fleeting bit by bit. But every now and then I'll start to think about it, though not as much as I used to.

[ilovcali]

You're THINKING too MUCH. Let HER think. Just make her laugh. That's your job. Honestly, that's the only thing you have to do. Make her laugh. If YOU have so many doubts, she'll LEAVE.

Basically, if you don't think YOU'RE THE MAN, she won't EITHER. YOU'RE THE MAN, she already likes you. GO WITH THE FLOW. STOP THINKING SO MUCH.

[momincali]

If opposites don't attract, then why is she spending even one minute with you? Of course they attract. Think about this, you're different from her, which means, she's also different from you! Should she be worried that you won't like her because she's not as shy as you are, or practical or sarcastic? What would you tell her if she came to you with that concern? You'd tell her she was silly and that this is why you like her, right? She's going to tell you the same thing. Besides, I think once you get over this, you're going to relax and you will be much more easy and laid back with her. Keep things light and easy right now and you'll be fine.

[Skell]

Forget about her past guys. They might have been smarter and more sociable but you no doubt have other things that she find attractive. All the things that you think she may find annatractive about you she may just find attractive. Heaven forbid...
This girl likes you... Yeah that's right. You'll have many girls like you over the years. Why wouldn't they!!
Take it SLOW, have fun with her, keep it fun when your with her and enjoy the ride.
Just don't rush please. We see it all the time here. People who rush and live in their new partners hip pocket always get stung.
Just relax, be comfortable in yourself and enjoy this girl!

[Krs]

Her past guys are now her ex's... must be reasons she isn't with them any more.. It could be because one was too smart and the other was too social, so don't worry about that.
Concentrate on the present and future, live life day by day and the best will come out of it.

You must have a lot in common if you chat for hrs on the phone ;)

[Kryc]

Well I have to say you sound just like I used to. I learned two things when it comes to women:

1st is realism. If you pretend to be something your not then you will mess up and women will see right through it. Ex. If you are trying to be that funny guy at a party and your not that type of person then you'll end up making a big fool of yourself.

2nd is confidence. You could be the best looking guy in the world but with out confidence most women won't give you a second look. But an average Joe who has confidence will capture a women's eye.

Be confident that she is with you because she likes you. Be confident that even if it doesn't work out with her you'll meet someone else. Be confident in yourself.


Now for the phone issue. Its all situational. If you talk to her every day then yes cut phone talk time down to 10-15 min max. With the occasional long talk every great once in awhile. If you only talk to her 1 time a week or 1 time every couple of weeks then 2hour talks are fine. If you do talk every day then save those big long talks for when your together. Face to Face talking is more intiment than over the phone any day. Hope that helps.

[chuff]

Guys get fired all the time by calling all the time. No question.

I'm sort of in the middle about this phone debate but I love that line. Getting dumped is like getting fired, other than the job provided money and she probably took it.