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heartchocolat01 · Mar 10, 2009, 12:48 AM

We met when we were 13. We always had a thing for each other but never acted on it. In high school we dated for a little but nothing serious. He went away to the army and we both grew up. Years down the line we kept intouch but I was seeing someone and he came home married. There was always sparks between us. Just the way he acted towards me, I could tell. I knew he was married, so I did nothing. He then decided to pick up and move 12,000 miles away. Before he left we spent time together and that's when it happened. Everything that had been in the works for years had come to a head. All the emotions took over. Now, its been quite some time away from each other and the flame is still just as strong as the day we met only separated by 12,000 miles and a marriage. We tell each other our feelings all the time and are in constatant contact with each other. Our friendship is so strong, I don't think I have a stronger friendship; not even with my sister. I've tried not talking to him and forgetting him but he's always on my mind. He's promised one day that we'll be together when he has enough money for a divorce. Am I dreaming?

starbuck8 · Mar 10, 2009, 01:09 AM

What part of married man don't you understand? He is cheating on his wife. Yes cheating! It doesn't matter if he lives on the moon, he is still cheating and betraying his wife, his family and his vows.

You do not interfere in someones' marriage, and ruin other lives just because of your own selfish motivations. I don't care what he has told you about his wife, or how bad he has likely said she treats him, you have no right to deliberately participate in this.

Yes, your are in a dream world. One that is yours alone. Find someone who is single and available, and leave this man alone.

artlady · Mar 10, 2009, 01:14 AM

He is not available.Period. Take the high road and leave him and his wife and marriage alone.

If he is willing to play around and make promises to someone outside of his marriage,he is not a man of honor.
Is that the type of man you would trust with your heart?

He's promised one day that we'll be together when he has enough money for a divorce. Am I dreaming?

Yes,if he wanted to leave ,he could do so without divorcing.Its called separation and he could do that without money.

You are in love with the fantasy of this relationship.In reality,it does not exist.

Clough · Mar 10, 2009, 01:23 AM

Hi, heartchocolat01!

You've already received solid advice here from starbuck8 and artlady. I want to quote artlady here, and hope that the following statement is something that you'll really take to your heart.

Originally posted by artlady

If he is willing to play around and make promises to someone outside of his marriage, he is not a man of honor.

Is that the type of man you would trust with your heart?

Thanks!

starbuck8 · Mar 10, 2009, 01:23 AM

I would also like to add... If this man had any respect for himself, his wife, his family, or for you,. he would not allow himself to be put in this situation. The same goes for you. Have some respect for him, his wife and family, and above all, for yourself!

Hands off... as said above! He's not yours to have.

Clough · Mar 10, 2009, 01:36 AM

starbuck8 agrees: I would only hope this is taken to heart. Nothing good can come from this.

You know, you're absolutely correct! But, I'm wondering what heartchocolat01 thinks at this point?

Thanks!

starbuck8 · Mar 10, 2009, 01:42 AM

heartchocolat01? We would like to hear your thoughts. We took the time to reply. It would be kind of you to do the same please.

Clough · Mar 10, 2009, 01:43 AM

Originally Posted by starbuck8

heartchocolat01? We would like to hear your thoughts. We took the time to reply. It would be kind of you to do the same please.

Yes! This too, is very true!

Romefalls19 · Mar 10, 2009, 06:10 AM

Not available. End of conversation

Ren6 · Mar 10, 2009, 06:17 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Not available. End of conversation

That seems to happen a lot when OPs don't get the answers they wanted to hear!

talaniman · Mar 10, 2009, 09:46 AM

Maybe she is waiting for him to get his money together for his divorce.

heartchocolat01 · Mar 10, 2009, 10:36 AM

I'm sorry I didn't respond last night. I was exhausted and went to bed and left the page up. Anyway, I'd like to thank everyone for their input. You are absolutely right. I am living in a fantasy. The answers were such a slap in the face when I read them I was a little taken back and I had to take a walk and collect my thoughts. Now I see what you guys see. I never thought this would happen to me. I'm always the one posting about matters like this and saying the same thing you guys are saying to other girls. Now it's time for me to take my own advice. Thank you again!

HistorianChick · Mar 10, 2009, 10:39 AM

I'm glad that you see that it's wrong. Now, I hope that you act upon this realization and cut this man out of your life. Period.

It's hard. It hurts. It will tear you up and leave you in a depressed state of funk for a long while... but it is SO worth it.

You've decided that you don't want to be on the roller coaster anymore... now get off.

Check out my signature in purple... it's so very true.

liz28 · Mar 10, 2009, 12:19 PM

I glad to hear that you woke and smelled the coffee because being in love with a married man is hopeless. You can't live in the past you can only live in the present and presently is married and can't be with you but that doesn't mean you give up on love. You just take the focus off him and get out and find someone that is single and capable of giving you what you want.

TrueFaith · Mar 10, 2009, 12:27 PM

We can't control how we feel my dear =)
there is nothing wrong in feeling things

but we can control how we act

do the right thing.. and cut off all ties with him.
you have.. to give into reason and logic
and not want! Need.. and lust!

it is hard.. but it can be done

I have had feelings for other girls.. it is only normal. And I am very happy with my girlfriend.

but I do not and will never act on them.

mudweiser · Mar 10, 2009, 12:43 PM

It's great you have decided to move on! If he cheats for you, if he lies for you. What makes you think he won't do the same to you? I hope your decision stays with you and you sticks with you =)

MRS.S

starbuck8 · Mar 10, 2009, 12:49 PM

I'm happy you woke up from your dream before it turned into a nightmare. I believe if you had to ask, you already knew. You needed to be hit in the face with the reality of it all. This man is off limits to you.

Clough · Mar 10, 2009, 03:50 PM

I'm also glad that you see more clearly the reality of the situation, heartchocolat01!

There have been many women in my life to whom I was attracted that were single or had a boyfriend, but they also might have considered dating me.

However, once they got married, even though I was still attracted to them, they were off-limits to me as far as I was concerned.

Thanks!