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swimmerkid248 · Mar 9, 2009, 05:17 PM

Hey everyone, I need all the input I can get on this one..

My girlfriend of 5 years has emotional issues. She is 27 and I am 29. We've been on a roller coster for the last 5 years and just many things have happen... recently to save a lot of your time, she is on probation for a DUI and this is her third violation and it hasn't been a year even... the last 2 violations she got she told her probation officer that it was because of me... that we got into an argument, and this last time she told them that it was because I gave her an STD. she has been depressed all week because of this third violation, does not have any money as we're all in an economic struggle, and I'm thinking of ending this relationship.

1).I am just not happy... but even still she continues to drink, and told me this past Thursday that she has been drinking and taking sleeping pills, and that she left her apartment door unlocked in case she slid her wrists and needed help... NOW I'm afraid if I leave her she WILL act and really do this. We do not live together because when we did we argued too much... I think the best relationships are when you do not live together...

2). On sites like Facebook, she wants to be friends with all my friends... her reasoning is that if we get into an argument, she should be able to vent to my friends just as I do... I don't forecast relationships, but if we break up for good, I don't want her having ties to my friends, because she will then KEEP TIES to me by that... Also if we break up, Im afraid she will slander me all around Facebook and even to my friends

3). Yesterday, she call me 4 times and my roommate was using my cell phone as he was on the phone with his g/f... MY girlfriend stated that my roommate kept sending her to voicemail. My roommate stated that he did NOT know how to operate my phone when an incoming call comes in so he heard the beeps but told me when he got off the phone... She now wants me to yell and go off on him for this... and that I should believe her word over his. He is stating that he did not send her to voicemail and when he said "hello" no one responded... Now she is upset because I didn't stick up for her and go off on him...

I am very frustrated and need you guys help lease... thank you in advance

About the Facebook part to revise, she wants to be friends with all my friends in general... She gets upset often when I hang with my male friends and that she is not invited... I believe that in a relationship, you both have mutual friends, and then your OWN set of friends... is this NOT the case?

chuff · Mar 9, 2009, 05:33 PM

Wow. Talk about a disfunctional relationship. You need to end this. Not for her, but for you. She has all kinds of problems and your life is to valuable to waste it trying to fix somebody who has no desire to fix themselves.

Thankfully, you do not live with her. I would tell her the truth, because she needs a wake up call. I wouldn't be rude about it. Just honest. Tell her that as you've grown, and are entering your 30's you are entering a new time in your life where you want to find some meaning and ultimately happiness. Right now you are not happy, she is not either. Her actions and their results are having a negative effect on your life, and as such you must take actions to improve you quality of life. You wish her the best, and if she needs help getting into a substance abuse recovery group you will help her because you still care and want to see her better. If not, you think it would be best to move forward without her.

swimmerkid248 · Mar 9, 2009, 05:35 PM

Thank you chuff for your answer, the thing is if she actually does take her life if I end this relationship, I will be COMPLETELY hurt for the rest of my life if she were to die

chuff · Mar 9, 2009, 05:39 PM

Originally Posted by swimmerkid248

thank you chuff for your answer, the thing is if she actually does take her life if i end this relationship, I will be COMPLETELY hurt for the rest of my life if she were to die

So you are willing to punish yourself, for her life? Do you think she feels the same?

friend4u178 · Mar 9, 2009, 05:43 PM

Originally Posted by swimmerkid248

thank you chuff for your answer, the thing is if she actually does take her life if i end this relationship, I will be COMPLETELY hurt for the rest of my life if she were to die

Then you need to let her family and friends know that she is in a state where you are worried she may cause herself harm , and make it their responsibility.

Your being emotionally blackmailed by her.

swimmerkid248 · Mar 9, 2009, 05:47 PM

Thank you that's what I'm going to do. Do you think that I was justified in #2 of not going off on my roommate, and what do you think about the friends thing I mentioned in #2

Thank you both for your replies by the way

friend4u178 · Mar 9, 2009, 05:52 PM

I think you did the right thing. Your GF seems to be the one with the issues not your friend.

swimmerkid248 · Mar 9, 2009, 06:05 PM

Wow... talk about coincidence... its very interesting that she just called me... She's in the hospital hooked up on machines for chest pain. I told her I was on my way, and she said no don't worry about it... since I didn't call her all day, and she has to be the one to always call me, not to worry about it... I just don't get it... and now I'll feel bad if I don't go to the hospital

friend4u178 · Mar 9, 2009, 06:09 PM

I could be wrong here but it sounds to me like she's playing with you. Playing the pity card if you like.

Again I could be wrong.

swimmerkid248 · Mar 9, 2009, 06:13 PM

Yeah I thought that too until I called the hospital... well let me go and see what it is this time geez...

Thank you both for your replies... I am going to HAVE to tell her today

friend4u178 · Mar 9, 2009, 06:24 PM

Let us know how you go.

Good Luck!

allisongamer · Jun 17, 2010, 07:34 AM

Dude. When somebody wants to kill her/him self do not say things like that, she is a control freak and that Won't change even though you want it so bad, I am so sorry what you are going through. My ex was the same way, I had to leave him. Do it for your own mental health, you can find something better, it sounds like you are a good guy and that's what some great girls are looking for... I hope this helps. I know that after all that time leaving somebody it is hard but you can do it. If I did it you can also do it.

The best intentions.
Alisson