[sarahd8629]

I have a friend that moved to another state a couple years ago. Once my boyfriend and I visited her and her fiancé and we stayed at their house for two nights. A year later they came to our house to visit and stayed at our house for about four nights.
A few weeks later we had just gotten back from a weeklong vacation and were happy to be home and have our house back to ourselves. Well, they were coming back for a wedding and asked us if they could stay with us again.
The first time they stayed was fine. We had a good time with them but by the end we were definitely ready for our house guests to leave. We couldn’t believe that they would invite themselves to stay again only a few weeks later. Not only all of that but they wanted to stay for a week!
Even though I knew it was a bad idea, I told them that they were welcome to stay again if they needed to save the money. So they stayed at our house for a week and it was horrible for us. First of all, we ended up spending a lot more money than we would have if they hadn’t stayed. We pretty much bought twice the food the whole week. Secondly, they expected us to entertain them a lot and when we weren’t they would sit on the couch and watch TV all day long. Finally, the night of the wedding my friend’s fiancé got totally wasted and left us all stranded at the wedding. We had to get a ride home from a co-worker and my boyfriend had to crawl into our house through our tiny kitchen window since all of our belongings were in the car that he took off in. He showed up later that night and the two of them argued for about thirty minutes until my boyfriend told them to stop it. I had to work early that next morning and I wasn’t able to get any sleep that night. The next day I told the two of them that my boyfriend was very upset with their behavior and that they should leave the house for the day so that he could cool down. Instead of listening to me they sat on my couch and watched TV all day! My boyfriend had to leave his own house for the day because they didn’t.
At this point I decided I was done being friends with them. They had completely worn-out their welcome and had made our lives much more difficult than they ever should have. Well, my “friend” continued to call me to talk and she would constantly apologize for what happened. She would ask me to please not dislike her because of what her fiancé did. Honestly, I felt bad for her. I don’t think she has had very many good friends and she doesn’t have a close family. Even though I was very irritated I couldn’t just cut her off.
Well, a few months later they got engaged and she asked me to be her maid of honor! I didn’t know what to say! Obviously I was not excited that they were getting married and I didn’t really want to be a part of it, but I told her that if she felt I was her closest friend (Which I was surprised by) and really wanted me to be the MOH then I would. She said that she really wanted me to be her MOH. I decided that I would do this for her but most likely I would let our friendship dwindle once it was all over.
Of course I had to plan a bachelorette party for her and she had decided that she would travel here for the party. Well, I couldn’t help but tell her that they were welcome to stay at our house if they needed to save money. I made it clear that everyone had to remain happy and there wasn’t any drunk fighting allowed. I felt stupid for inviting them to stay again when I truly did not want them to. I guess I just felt like I owed it to her as a good maid of honor. Anyway, they declined our offer, thank goodness, and said they would get a cheap hotel. She didn’t feel like it was a good idea and was sure they had worn out their welcome. Well, I didn’t disagree and just let it end at that happily.
She plans on us staying at their house when we go there for the wedding so that we can save money and she wants me there to help with wedding stuff. I feel like that is the least they could do after everything so we accepted to stay three to four nights. Especially since I had to buy my own bridesmaids dress, spend a lot of money that I don’t have on the bachelorette party, travel out of state for the wedding, and they have stayed at our house ten more nights then we have ever stayed at theirs.
Okay, now that you know the history of this dysfunctional friendship, here comes my question. The bachelorette party is in one week. Today she called me and asked me if our offer still stands! I asked her if they wanted to stay at our house months ago and they said no. Now one week before the party they want to stay here? I couldn’t believe it! That leaves me one week to get a room ready for them that is being used as storage right now, and honestly I don’t have time to do it. I also don’t understand why they would wait until one week before. Are they playing games with us? It gets better. She asked if not only they could stay but if their friend that is coming with them for the party could also stay! I told her that three people were definitely too many people in my little home, especially since I now have an extra dog and a cat! Oh, did I mention that both times the staid their dog was here too?
Back to the point. I told her no on three people but maybe she and her fiancé could stay. I told her that I didn’t know if it was a good idea anymore since my boyfriend and I have work and school the day after the party. Plus the room wasn’t ready.
I am so sorry that this was such a long story but here are the questions.
Is it that wrong of me to take my offer back in this situation?
Is it wrong for us to stay at their house in a few months after I tell them they no longer can stay here?
How can I explain in a mature way that we don’t want them to stay here?
Please help me figure this all out. I get really stressed about upsetting people but I can’t put myself in this situation again.

Sincerely,
Sick of house guests

[Jake2008]

I think that you're just in too far now and you'll have to just have to put up with them staying for the bachelorette party. If you hadn't already spent so much I would have said cancel out entirely.

One thing I'm not clear on, and although I realize you've bought your dress for the wedding, is it possible for you to just accept that loss, and back out of the wedding? I don't know when the wedding is, but would she have enough time to find somebody else to fill in?

It will not make her happy, but with the bachelorette party out of the way, you've done what you committed to do. Would you feel comfortable backing out after that?

Not an easy decision to make. If it were me, I'd do only what I had to do, and decline on the rest. Especially since you do not plan to invest time in a friendship with her or her soon to be hubby after the wedding anyway.

[Ren6]

Wow. I would tell her that it's too short of notice and that the room in question is being used for storage. Seriously, though, your house guests are not the problem. You really need to be able to toughen up and have difficult conversations with people. It will save your sanity. From now on, no more open door for this couple, unless you want to feel resentful.

[HistorianChick]

Wow... House guests from Hades are never fun...

I'm not sure that I would even be a part of the wedding - as Jake 2008 said. By being the MOH, you are signing your name to their marriage certificate saying that you stand beside their marriage. Do you? You would be signing your name to something you don't agree to.

The houseguest thing is just a no-brainer. No. Say, "I'm sorry, but there just isn't enough time for me to clean out the room - to get it ready for a bride. This is the most important time in your life - you deserve to be treated like a queen... not made to sleep in my guest room." Play up the positive side of staying at a hotel.

They know that you don't want them in your house and yet, they planned on staying at your place. They should have reserved rooms at the very beginning when they knew where the ceremony would be - instead, they planned on your caving in. That is a pre-meditated act of immaturity that shouldn't be condoned.

You're going to have to be a stickler about this and it may get messy.

On the other hand, write this as a loss and cut your losses when its over. Consider this they're swan song - they're last hurrah - then you're done. That would probably be the easiest way - grit your teeth and bear it for a few more weeks then you're done.

I'm not sure what I would do! Like you, I'm very placating when it comes to "real-life" but very opinionated when it's with family, friends, or public... but when it comes down to it, my courage fizzles when people actually ask me and I end up being taken advantage of.

I wish you the best!

[jjwoodhull]

While I agreee that they sound like a nightmare, you have put yourself in an awkward position by: a)agreeing to be her MOH, b)accepting the invitation to stay at her house, c)extending an invitation for her to stay at your house for the bachelorette party.

It is not right for you to back out of any of it at this point. Take this as a hard lesson learned and be more true to yourself in the future.