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veryworried2009 · Mar 6, 2009, 03:40 PM

I have been married for about 6 months now. I was dating my spouse for about two years before we got married. We have never had sex. Initially my spouse told me it was because he had phimosis and needed surgery to fix it. I figured he would handle it since this was important to him as well. We got married and he did not have the surgery. We did not have any sex and I was getting worried. I got him to get the surgery ( a month after the wedding) and then waited for a bit. ( 2 months). We were still not able to have sex and he was pretty reluctant to try. I had an affair with a co worker shortly after which lasted for a month. My spouse found out about the affair . We decided to work things out between us since we both love each other, However , this has set our sex life on the back burner. I don't know what to do and am very confused. I love him and regret having had the affair... but I cannot bear the thought of a marriage without sex. We did have foreplay before but now that has stopped .I am afraid I have given him the best excuse to not try/have sex with me ever.

What do I do?

artlady · Mar 6, 2009, 03:52 PM

This is a big issue and best left to a professional.I suggest you get marriage counseling.Many places will agree to a sliding scale of payment.
In our poor economy many businesses are willing to lower fees or even make decent payment arrangements,you have to ask.Shop around and find someone who will work with you.

theROICoach · Mar 10, 2009, 11:27 AM

Sex is a gift, not a weapon and it really feels like sex, in your relationship, is being used a controlling device (meaning, you want sex and your husband doesn't give it to you and then you go out and get it from someone else and now he really has ammunition not to give it to you). You both do need to sit down with a marriage counselor and figure out why the power plays are going on here, why you two aren't both anxiously anticipating being together, joining souls, building that intimate bound.

Sex is magical and if it isn't magical, it shouldn't be done and if, at the end of the day, you decide sex isn't magical with your husband (which is why you definitely need the counseling), then you need to choose differently...

Unhappily Married

JoeCanada76 · Mar 10, 2009, 10:24 PM

This might sound harsh.

First I think counseling is needed for both of you as a couple and for you individually as well.

I think that if sex is such an important thing in your life and marriage and too him it might not be and if that is your deciding factor in having the affair. Your never going to be happy in this marriage and maybe it is better to end the marriage.

Just my opinion. Does not count for much but you will always be looking outside of your marriage which is not good. End it now so no gets hurt more then they already are.