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alyssasteen · Mar 6, 2009, 10:42 AM

My name is Alyssa and I will be turning 18 in August. Me and my sister live with my grandma we were adopted my grandma in 1994.Because our parents on drugs and they were abusing us and is why we were adopted but that is the information I have about us and why we live with our grandma. I scared for my sisters life when I leave when I turn 18. The other night my grandma hit my sister in the face. But two nights ago my grandma hit me and left a mark but the cops didn't do anything but they told me I have 5 months to ago. I need to know what I need to do to get her with me when I turn 18 so someone help me and let me know what I should do thanks

Justwantfair · Mar 6, 2009, 01:18 PM

How old is your sister?

alyssasteen · Mar 6, 2009, 01:20 PM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

How old is your sister?

She is 16

Justwantfair · Mar 6, 2009, 01:27 PM

Where are you moving and how do you plan to support her?

What is your plan?

ScottGem · Mar 6, 2009, 01:31 PM

For you to get custody of your sister, you will need to show that she is in danger where she lives and that you can support her.

I would suggest you talk to a school guidance counselor or local support group to help you come up with plan of action.

alyssasteen · Mar 6, 2009, 01:39 PM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Where are you moving and how do you plan to support her?

What is your plan?

I'm getting married in dec to my boyfriend and we have a 3 bedroom apartment and we both have jobs he makes 2000 a month and I make 900 a month...

ScottGem · Mar 6, 2009, 01:43 PM

That will help. Do you have an documentation from children's services about the abuse? I think your best bet is to have your local children's services get involved and have them help you become guardian for your sister.

alyssasteen · Mar 6, 2009, 01:45 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

That will help. Do you have an documentation from children's services about the abuse? I think your best bet is to have your local children's services get involved and have them help you become guardian for your sister.

No I have reports of her hitting me but when the cops came the other night they took information from my sister about my grandma hitting her

ScottGem · Mar 6, 2009, 01:46 PM

Do you have copies of those police reports? If not, get them.

alyssasteen · Mar 6, 2009, 01:47 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Do you have copies of those police reports? If not, get them.

OK thank you so much about helping me out I will do that

Justwantfair · Mar 6, 2009, 01:47 PM

Was this a one time situation?

What caused your grandmother to hit you both?

alyssasteen · Mar 6, 2009, 01:49 PM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Was this a one time situation?

What caused your grandmother to hit you both?

No it wasn't but it was the first time I reported it but she would hit us if she is mad at us..

Justwantfair · Mar 6, 2009, 01:55 PM

Just know that part of being involved is understanding that teenagers especially NEED structure. You will be doing a disservice, although your intent is nice, if you are just looking to get her away from rules and structure.

I don't agree with abuse and I am not condoning your grandmother's behavior, but there is surely more structure there.

alyssasteen · Mar 6, 2009, 01:57 PM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Just know that part of being involved is understanding that teenagers especially NEED structure. You will be doing a disservice, although your intent is nice, if you are just looking to get her away from rules and stucture.

I don't agree with abuse and I am not condoning your grandmother's behavior, but there is surely more stucture there.

I honestly don't agree..

ScottGem · Mar 6, 2009, 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by alyssasteen

i honestly dont agree..

Umm what don't you agree with? That a teenager needs structure or that there is more structure with your grandmother?

alyssasteen · Mar 6, 2009, 02:01 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Umm what don't you agree with? That a teenager needs structure or that there is more structure with your grandmother?

U don't know what we go though every day.. I'm the one that makes her go to school. I basically taake care of her already.

Justwantfair · Mar 6, 2009, 02:17 PM

I know that when I was sixteen, I stayed out after 11:00 p.m. on a school night because I had stayed late to close at work and didn't have permission and hadn't called to tell them. When I got home my mother slapped me across the face nearly knocking me over, was it abuse, in my mind at that time - yes it was. As a parent now, I don't view it as abuse.

Following that incident I went to live in my mother's very UNSTRUCTURED home. Long story short, I ended up losing my virginity, drinking, smoking and ended up pregnant, all inside of the 16 yo to 17 yo.

This is an impressionable time when teenagers are looking to push against structure and test their boundaries. I just want you to consider all options before jumping to step into the middle.

You can still offer assistance and support without changing guardianship.

ScottGem · Mar 6, 2009, 02:39 PM

Originally Posted by alyssasteen

u dont know what we go though every day.. im the one that makes her go to school. I basically taake care of her already.

I'm not criticizing you, I was just trying to clarify what you were disagreeing with. I think your concern for your sister is admirable.

Justwantfair · Mar 6, 2009, 02:52 PM

Originally Posted by alyssasteen

u dont know what we go though every day.. im the one that makes her go to school. I basically taake care of her already.

I hope you understand it wasn't my intent to criticize you either. I just want you aware that you are taking on a HUGE responsibility. When you move out, you are not excluded from her life, you still play an active role, but I don't want you to feel like I am advocating for you to stay in an abusive home, but to be mature enough to realize if it's structure or abuse.