[darkvision]

Very true about the rebound relationships, but I think you yourself need one. Go out to a bar or club, I'm not saying go get laid, but go have FUN with the opposite sex, go dance etc so forth and have a good ole' time. P

[Jake2008]

Fire,

I admire you for putting this out there. Talking about it will help to eventually settle some of it.

In thinking of this from a woman's perspective, she obviously had feelings for you over the three years, but perhaps she realizes that it wasn't 'love'. Perhaps she wasn't sure and went back to see if she could rekindle the relationship, or see if she could figure out why she felt differently; or maybe that she doubted herself, and needed to be sure how she felt.

It is a bitter pill to swallow when you don't see it coming. Especially if you are the sort of person who is able to communicate, and are open to discussing any problems. You sound like that to me.

It doesn't make much sense to you because it doesn't make sense. How can a person love you one day, and not the next.

On her behalf, at least she is strong enough to let you go, and honest enough to tell you that she is not in love with you.

Who knows what she is thinking right now. With another man possibily in the picture now, she is letting you go, to check out what she thinks may be better.

Whether it is or not will remain to be seen. In the meantime, I'd play it cool, no pressure. Don't make any decisions about giving things back, or throwing things out right away. Give it time.

She may have said she made a mistake coming back to you, but in a few months time, what's to say that she won't come back and say she made a mistake about him.

[Fire2009]

Fire,

I admire you for putting this out there. Talking about it will help to eventually settle some of it.

In thinking of this from a woman's perspective, she obviously had feelings for you over the three years, but perhaps she realizes that it wasn't 'love'. Perhaps she wasn't sure and went back to see if she could rekindle the relationship, or see if she could figure out why she felt differently; or maybe that she doubted herself, and needed to be sure how she felt.

It is a bitter pill to swallow when you don't see it coming. Especially if you are the sort of person who is able to communicate, and are open to discussing any problems. You sound like that to me.

It doesn't make much sense to you because it doesn't make sense. How can a person love you one day, and not the next.

On her behalf, at least she is strong enough to let you go, and honest enough to tell you that she is not in love with you.

Who knows what she is thinking right now. With another man possibily in the picture now, she is letting you go, to check out what she thinks may be better.

Whether it is or not will remain to be seen. In the meantime, I'd play it cool, no pressure. Don't make any decisions about giving things back, or throwing things out right away. Give it time.

She may have said she made a mistake coming back to you, but in a few months time, what's to say that she won't come back and say she made a mistake about him.

Hi Thanks for your advice, I know she is with another man now becasuse she told me she was with someone else, but who knows what will happen in few months time like you said, she might realize then that she had something good and might decide to come back again.
I do think she was with someone else when she came and seen me for two days, because I seen a hicky on her neck which is a dead giveaway of her seeing someone else.
When she came back the second time for two days, I think she did have feelings for me but I don't know what type they were (Even though she kissed me when were together those two days). Everyone who saw her with me, said she looked really happy to be with me.
But what gets me and id like your advice on this, how come she said one day she loves me and the very next day she says sorry its over again and I don't want to see you or hear from you? I just don't know what's she is thinking. How come one day she is seeing me and the very next she goes sorry I don't want anything to do with you, I don't love you is exactly what she said? I am seeing someone else now. (I think I've been used in a sense.)
Any other thoughts you can draw from this? I feel a lot better from myself now knowing it wasn't anything that I did to her or didn't do to her that made her suddenly leave after 3 years.

[Jake2008]

It doesn't sound like she knows what she wants.

One of the biggest mistakes people make is go from the frying pan to the fire.

There is no rest or reflection period to get over one relationship, before it is replaced with another. If she can't figure out why she didn't love you, how could she figure out why she loves him, all at the same time.

I hope that regardless of what she decides to do, that you accept all the unknowns, and all the questions without answers, and move on. You may never have answers. She may have stopped loving you long before the other man came into the picture too, and she was just going through the motions.

Should she come back, and you choose to rekindle a relationship with her, be very careful so you are not hurt again, or drawn into a sense of false security.

Good luck to you.

[Fire2009]

It doesn't sound like she knows what she wants.

One of the biggest mistakes people make is go from the frying pan to the fire.

There is no rest or reflection period to get over one relationship, before it is replaced with another. If she can't figure out why she didn't love you, how could she figure out why she loves him, all at the same time.

I hope that regardless of what she decides to do, that you accept all the unknowns, and all the questions without answers, and move on. You may never have answers. She may have stopped loving you long before the other man came into the picture too, and she was just going through the motions.

Should she come back, and you choose to rekindle a relationship with her, be very careful so you are not hurt again, or drawn into a sense of false security.

Good luck to you.

Very good and sound advice.
She recons she doesn't love me now, but IF she dose come back I will have to ask myself
Why did I love her and hope she won't do what she's done again. Because that's not right how one person can just go to another person in less then a day, without having any feeling for the other person.

[Fire2009]

Very good and sound advice.
She recons she doesnt love me now, but IF she dose come back i will haave to ask myself
why did i love her and hope she wont do what shes done again. Because thats not right how one person can just goto another person in less then a day, without having any feeling for the other person.

Just another quick question for you, I still have her phone numbers, do you think I should send her a sms when she has her birthday etc? Just to show her that I still care for her and then mabye it might make her realize that I do care for her a lot. Would you do this? Or should I just totally get rid of the numbers altogther?

[Jake2008]

I would not do that, and I hate to say it. But to do so would mark a special occasion that probably has memories and good times attached to it, and would be, in my opinion, an occasion that no longer needs marked by you.

That sounds blunt but I don't know how else to say it.

When you are ready and settled with the fact that it is over, then removing phone numbers, putting away pictures etc. is probably a good idea. I was engaged to a man once, and caught him cheating. I was so stunned and shocked. It took me a very long time to finally pack up all the things that reminded me of him, but eventually hanging onto the past through memories was keeping me from getting back out there and enjoying life.

You will eventually feel in a confident position of being in control of your own life, and even if she comes around, you may never feel totally comfortable loving her to the extent you did. That's another important thing, time to reflect and accept what has happened.

The more you do that now, the stronger you will be, if and when that happens.

[Fire2009]

I would not do that, and I hate to say it. But to do so would mark a special occasion that probably has memories and good times attached to it, and would be, in my opinion, an occassion that no longer needs marked by you.

That sounds blunt but I don't know how else to say it.

When you are ready and settled with the fact that it is over, then removing phone numbers, putting away pictures etc., is probably a good idea. I was engaged to a man once, and caught him cheating. I was so stunned and shocked. It took me a very long time to finally pack up all the things that reminded me of him, but eventually hanging onto the past through memories was keeping me from getting back out there and enjoying life.

You will eventually feel in a confident position of being in control of your own life, and even if she comes around, you may never feel totally comfortable loving her to the extent you did. That's another important thing, time to reflect and accept what has happened.

The more you do that now, the stronger you will be, if and when that happens.

Hey, I have an update on this. I feel I have been taken for a ride, I only found out the other day that she is with someone else now and that they are planning to move to another town in June this year.
It makes me wonder how long she was seeing this person before she told me that we were finished, I know she wasn't that into me, cause we never had tried sex at all. I just feel like I've been used big time. I guess at one point she did love me but now I'm not that sure and there is no way I am going to let me get this down. There are plenty of fish left out there, but finding them is the hard part, how do I know if they are intreseted in me?
What's your suggestions?

[Jake2008]

The best thing you can do is just get out there and have fun.

Have you ever been on a dance floor in a crowded bar, and one person catches your eye out of all the others? Or go to a party, hang out with your friends, get back to the things you did before your life was taken up by another person.

That kind of freedom, and those kinds of opportunities come about only when you have yourself to worry about. You don't have to think in 'two's', you've got your single freedom back!

The plus side of all that you've been through is that you are stronger, smarter, and far more wise than you were.

Take advantage of your freedom, and enjoy it. Things will happen in the romance department soon enough. :)

[Snowbie]

hi, i did want to go deeper, but when i suggested this to her, she always said she wasnt ready to take that step yet. She is one of these people that changes her mind quickley. like only two days ago she said she loved me and now she dont. Could there be more hope yet or should i just forget it and move on?

Well, maybe I think it is time to fine a new girl :) Other fish in the sea hey?? :)
And if she wants you back say..
" Remember, your the fault we aren't dating anymore, so, it's over.." or something like that!:D BUt if she begs :eek: I don't know what to do lol ;) Try and find a new girl to spend time with.

[liz28]

Fire, you need to stop focusing on this girl and really let go. Stop worrying about who she is with, how long they were together, where their moving, etc This is only setting you back emotionally and stopping you from moving on while she's out living and enjoying her life.

Stop living on false hope that the two of you will get back together in the future. Erase all her contact information and remove anything that reminds you of her. You already stated she was immature and she told you her feelings towards you which is none.

I am not posted this to be mean but to slap you with reality because right now your sort of in a fantasy and living on false hope. Her feelings for you doesn't match yours and with you sitting around willing to wait for her is just stupid. Go out and live the one life you have to live because tomorrow is never promise. While your sitting around waiting for her your going miss around on a lot and your only going make yourself miserable. Do you want that? I wouldn't! So get out and start exploring and accept that what you had with this girl is over and let her go.