[starlite1]

Your therapist is right on the money, and that is exactly how I feel sometimes. I will definitely try what you suggest and see how that works. Its those deep dark fears though that take over my mind at times. That is what is so hard.

[Romefalls19]

Yep, I feel the same way. It's hard to put your heart out when it's been crushed before by lies.

[starlite1]

Exactly. It really is scary at times. I want to trust so badly, but I get so frightened.

[Romefalls19]

Yep I do too. A little secret I keep from my fiancé, sometimes, I get caught up thinking about the past. My therapist warned me about it and that it might not ever go away, but sometimes when she gets close to me or wants me to hold her at night I wonder if she used to do this with her ex(she tells me no, and she wasn't ever like this because of how he treated her) I still think the worst thoughts are definitely sexual related though. Which have been reoccurring more frequently lately. I don't want to discourage you, but give you a heads up of the battle ahead

[starlite1]

Hi Rome,

Mine are sexual as well. I think the same way you do. I completely understand what you are going through. I try and tell myself "Don't go there, Karen" but my mind does.

[Romefalls19]

Yep, I try to as well. And it's something I don't want to bring up with her because it would result in her being angry, and I would completely see her point in her anger. It's caused quite a few sleepless nights for me and I hope it does diminish soon.

[starlite1]

So you are still going through this?

[Romefalls19]

Yea sadly I am, which my therapist told me is normal for people suffering from insecurities. The reason being, as she told me, since you feel that you lost someone you love to another person, you are always worried you don't measure up to people in their past and worry they may think about their past relationships.

[starlite1]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I totally feel for you and understand completely. It is so hard, but thank goodness we go to therapy. If you don't mind me asking are you taking any medication?

[Romefalls19]

Nah, therapist said I won't need medication and that it should decrease eventually. I know I'm making it worse by not discussing it with my fiancé

[starlite1]

Not for nothing, you should voice your situation to your fiance'. Letting her in is a good thing, and this way she understands what you went through and what goes through your mind. I am sure she will be so supportive of you. Believe me, I know it is so hard to talk about, but when you are with someone you love, it may be beneficial to you.

[Romefalls19]

True, I will have to think about that! Right now though she is really sick and has been moody so now isn't the best time ha ha. But I think she is starting to see that something is off with me because I've been becoming more and more distant.

[starlite1]

Ooo Honey, women don't like when men become distant. We start thinking things. You may want to talk with her once she is feeling better, also to put her mind at ease too, you know?

[Romefalls19]

Yea, I will have to do that. I have been becoming distant over the past few days and I do feel bad for it but it's a self defense thing I have had all my life. It's hard to break old habits

[starlite1]

This is so true. I know how you feel. My boyfriend asks me over and over 'what's wrong' and then when I finally tell him, he gets upset, because I bring my same issues up all over again. I feel so badly about that.

[talaniman]

Just curious starlite as to how long you've been seeing each other exclusively? Sometimes we think we know a person very well, but only get comfortable with them after a lot of time and adventure together. We all bring some sort of baggage with us that hasn't been resolved, from our past. He sounds like an open honest person, but maybe you haven't been together enough to be in that comfort zone yet.

[starlite1]

Hi Tal,

We have been together in the past but got back together exclusively for almost a year. We now live together and things have been great, but perhaps you are right. I just need to get a handle on my insecurities, because you are right, he is open and honest.

[Romefalls19]

Just to update you Starlite, my fiancé noticed something was off with me last night and asked me what was wrong. I finally came clean and told her everything and she did put my mind at ease and reassured me that how she acts around me is completely different because of the way I treat her, since I treat her with respect, love and care she feels more comfortable with me and want to be held at night. I told her I understand, and I need to realize that you are telling the truth and stop worrying about the past because none of that stuff matters.

So thank you for the advice, and I hope mine was as beneficial to you as well.

[starlite1]

Hi Rome!

That is excellent! I am so happy for you! And as always thank you for your kindness and advise as well.

My boyfriend is going to go with me to my therapist tonight, which he does sometimes, to offer support and to also voice my insecurities and his frustration (which I don't blame him a bit for), so hopefully I will feel better and so will he. I will keep you posted!

[Romefalls19]

Yea, keep me posted as I'm curious how it turns out