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coukkee69 · Mar 3, 2009, 10:00 PM

My boyfriend of alsmost 2 years started ignoring my calls with no reason... I spoke to his cousin to find out why and his cousin has ignored as well?? I would like to know the best way to approach this situation but most importantly I want to know why? He has never done this before and his attitude is confusing me - especially knowing him that long.

DSM521 · Mar 3, 2009, 10:07 PM

How was your relationship before this? Did you guys have a fight, did you notice a change in in, was he acting different.

That is a strong statement for him and his family to go no contact for no reason at all. Can you give a little more insight?

coukkee69 · Mar 4, 2009, 01:07 AM

Hello DSM521, many thanks for responding.. I am a very new member here and this is also my first time doing such Q/A stuff.

Anyway, nothing like that happened at all! Our relationship is/was a fine one and he will agree with me on this but I just don't know what happened! Called/text him several times for 2 days, no response. Have waited a bit later and text him after a week (a-just-to-say-hi), still no response. I opted to contact his cousin, who promised he would help since he likes me a lot (as a person) and respects me and also told me not to worry and stuff. Two days later I tried to call his cousin, and he also refused my calls! I really don't know what is going on!

Last night I've noticed that he deleted me among his hotmail contact list. I have two hotmail accounts, a personal one with my true name and other one which is not. He deleted my other name account from his list but kept my personal account in his contacts. He also did not delete me from Facebook - but he did not use his Facebook since January 2009. Well, that's for now and I am not quite sure what's next.

I am devastatingly appalled by his behaviour as he has good breeding and brought up in a most decent way. He truly loved me (or at least that's why I thought/felt) and we even made plans for future and stuff. He is a man of his word and never showed any kind of inconsistency in any way.

I really don't know what to do (mostly for the fear of being ignored again. What he did is rude - we all agree but I'd like to know what triggered that?

Please people, help me - tell me what to do. I am at my wit's end. I don't want to do something drastic, and feel sorry about it later or even jeopardise the issue.

Thank you all in advance

kctiger · Mar 4, 2009, 07:03 AM

Seems really fishy to me... is he still alive??

I mean, you have been dating for two years and he all of the sudden just flat out ignores you? Has it been a week without contact with him whatsoever? I don't know... either something devastating has happened in his life, or something stinks... and it ain't the garbage.

I am not a mind reader, so I have no idea, just seems like really odd and random behavior.

coukkee69 · Mar 4, 2009, 07:49 AM

He is still alive - thank heavens! And actually he started ignoring me exactly on 17th Feb - because that's the last date I sent a text saying to please answer me or call me... literally begged him! Yet... still no response. So you see?. am not a mind-reader too, and in this time I wish I was.

If only I know the reason, even just a one-liner, no need for extensive explanation then I can be out of his life or whatever it is he wants.

kirriky · Mar 4, 2009, 08:25 AM

So you're saying it's been going on for two weeks? I would have dropped by his place or called a friend or a parent (depending on your age) long ago. After 2 years together you should have enough trust between you to do that. And if you say you had a good relationship, I'd be worried about his wellbeing (physical or emotional). (A parent could have died or something).

I reckon if you didn't do that and allowed two weeks to pass you weren't extremely close, or your relationship wasn't as good as you say, and you felt it was his way of leaving you. In this case, I'd say you're probably right. Either you didn't see any of the signs of his unhappiness, or he's a complete jerk to leave you like that.

spitvenom · Mar 4, 2009, 08:30 AM

Sounds like he doesn't want to be with you anymore and he is being a coward about breaking up with you. Unless you did something really messed up in your past (and I am not assuming you did) and he found out about it and doesn't know how to handle it. Just seems strange to me.

jmw0713 · Mar 4, 2009, 08:37 AM

I would say he is done with you, yet doesn't want to tell you to your face. He is being very disrespectful in that sense and a coward. I would take this as a sign and start moving on accordingly. You have waited long enough for him to call you back.

Sorry! :( This a real sh*** move on his part. You deserve better, and I hope you find him.

Good luck and remember we are here for help.

I wish · Mar 4, 2009, 12:31 PM

At know at first, people will want to bash him, saying he's being disrespectful and stuff. But here are two other possibilities:

1) Misunderstanding

He might have found out something about you that he really doesn't like and then lost respect for you, so that's why he doesn't even bother confronting you.

For example, if you cheated on him and you thought he might not find out, but he did. Another example is, maybe someone who he really trusts, but really hates you spreaded a rumor about you. And since he already trusts that person, he won't bother confronting you about it.

At this point, it does not matter whether what he found out about you is true or not, because it does not seem like you guys had a very stable relationship, because any boyfriend who really cares about his girlfriend would confront her nor matter what.

2) Something about him

Maybe something happend to him and he wants to block everyone out of his life for a while, including his girlfriend.

Some people might say it is really stupid... but some guys are like that. It might seem like he's disrespecting the people around him, but we also have to respect that that is what he wants.

Since contacting him directly is not working, talking to his cousin is a good first step. If his cousin is ignoring you as well, then I'm sure it is a pretty big issue. So maybe you should continue to find people who have been in contact with him recently.

HistorianChick · Mar 4, 2009, 01:22 PM

Have you gone to see him in person? In today's society, we put WAY too much stock in phone calls, texting, emails, I'm programs that we don't get face-to-face communication.

Go see him. Talk to him.

coukkee69 · Mar 4, 2009, 02:33 PM

Dear All,

Many thanks indeed for responding...

To kirriky: the thought of going to his place has cropped up me mind. I stay in Dubai and he lives in Abu Dhabi which is like an hour drive and I do know another cousin's number who I met several times but we're not that close. I don't know any of his friend's number - quite a taboo in arab/muslim relationships. I know he trusted me because he won't be with me for that long if he didn't. About family, his mother, according to his cousin, is quite complaining more often about her leg but apart from that she's doing fine, I guess.

I didn't go to his place yet because I thought I'd give him more space in case that's what he needed... besides I can't go to his place per se since no one from his immediate family knows about our relationship so I just have to sort of wait in my car before he drives in to their garage with hopes that he would stop and see me before doing so.

Do you think that I should write/text and say that if he doesn't tell me what's going on then I will ring their door bell and ask for him?? Kindly advise...

Spitvenom: you're probably right - do you think that I should write him and tell him that he's a coward? Maybe this will hurt his morale and get a response from him? Haven't done anything in the past except for other relationships which should not bother him since he was inexistent to me then, right? This is very strange for me too... that's why am seeking your advice?? Please help!

jmw0713: many thanks for your encouraging words and I like the quote too (hugs)

I wish: Exactly my sentiments... I thought about that too but I don't know what could it be.. and if there was something like that, I would expect him to confront me one way or the other and not just totally ignore me. That's too unfair right? I don't think that he's disconnecting himself to the world as I heard from his cousin that he's doing well or as he was before. I know of another cousin's number but am not that close to him. Do you think I should give it a go and call this cousin # 2 anyway or just write him directly and pour all my heart out...

Historianchick: I really want to see him and at least see his eyes when he speaks. Do I just approach him like that (I might appear as a stalker or something) or shall I give him a notice that I intent to do just that... Thanks for the quote, loved them...

I wish · Mar 4, 2009, 03:54 PM

Well I don't think that you need to pour your heart out. I think the first thing you should do is find out "why" he is ignoring you. Let's not jump to conclusions. We could go on for hours and in circles about the different possibilities.

So if you feel comfortable enough, sure, call cousin #2. Nor matter what, you will get some information, because if cousin #2 ignores you as well, then it must mean that the cousins are in on it too. Anyway, I think you catch my drift, anyone you communicate with will give you more information than you already have.

jmw0713 · Mar 5, 2009, 07:54 AM

I think you should try and directly communicate with him first, or see him... if possible.

Do you know any places that he frequently goes, where you may be able to catch up with him?

It is very strange he just dropped off the face of the planet, but I think you have given him enough time and space. So it is now the time for you to act and decide what you want to do.

It would be best to try and find out what happened from HIM, not anyone else. If you still can't get any information from anyone, you should probably cut your losses and start trying to move on from this.

Good Luck! Remember, we are here to help and support.

Thanks for the compliments on the quote BTW :)

HistorianChick · Mar 5, 2009, 07:57 AM

Originally Posted by coukkee69

Historianchick: i really want to see him and at least see his eyes when he speaks. do i just approach him like that (i might appear as a stalker or something) or shall i give him a notice that i intent to do just that... Thanks for the quote, loved them...

Why would you appear to be a stalker? Weren't you his girlfriend? You two were in a relationship - I'm assuming you went out and spent time together, right?

There is nothing wrong with you going to see him and ask him what's up. It will at least give you the answer that you're looking for - or closure.

Best of luck!

Romefalls19 · Mar 5, 2009, 08:32 AM

I'm going to go against most of the mold here, I would assume that this guy doesn't have a sack between his legs and wanted to dip out of the relationship but couldn't muster the guts to do it himself, so he decides to ignore you. For those people who say something might have happened to him, listen 2 weeks and not letting someone who has been in your life for 2 years know that you are OK but need some space it's outlandish and I don't for one second believe it.

coukkee69 · Mar 5, 2009, 09:57 AM

Romefalls19, thanks for the input. I have thought about the same, being a coward and all that. Do you suggest that I leave him in peace and not even give him a piece of me before doing so? I am actually drafting a letter to him about his immature behaviour and how I feel about all this and send it after a week (still giving benefit of the doubt). Would you rather I don't bother at all? I would really feel better if I did but again, I need a second opinion. Thanks!

Romefalls19 · Mar 5, 2009, 10:01 AM

I've always thought that disappearing without giving them the satisfaction of knowing they hurt me is best. Everyone I know who sent a letter after an end, only ended up hurt or feeling worse.

shazamataz · Mar 5, 2009, 10:09 AM

I'd probably leave the letter out. Just try to find out somewhere he is going to be... like if you know he goes to a particular park or shop every weekend go there... bump into him and be very casual, like you don't really care anymore (you will need to do some acting) and just ask him what's been happening lately.
I know a nasty letter is so.. so.. so tempting but you are just going to be left wondering if he actually read it because I can guarantee he won't reply.

I wish · Mar 5, 2009, 10:23 AM

I know that people want you to contact him directly, but the point is, if he had something to say, he would have contacted you already. There is a reason he is ignoring you. So that's why I said to contact the people around him to get information. However...

Romefalls makes a really good point. If he disappears for 2-3 weeks without telling the person he's been with for the last 2 years where he's been, then I think the majority of us can agree that he's not the type of guy for you.

So you got to decide what is most important to you. Do you really have to know why he disappeared? Cause if you don't, just leave the matter at rest and move on.

shazamataz · Mar 5, 2009, 10:38 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

I know that people want you to contact him directly, but the point is, if he had something to say, he would have contacted you already. There is a reason he is ignoring you. So that's why I said to contact the people around him to get information. However...

Romefalls makes a really good point. If he disappears for 2-3 weeks without telling the person he's been with for the last 2 years where he's been, then I think the majority of us can agree that he's not the type of guy for you.

So you gotta decide what is most important to you. Do you really have to know why he disappeared? Cause if you don't, just leave the matter at rest and move on.

For me it would be a matter of curiosity! I really would want to know why... was it something I did? Can finding out what it was help me in the future?
Was it something he did? Was he protecting me from finding something out? Or should I let me anger out and move on?