[frugallife]

Hey Everyone I need answers. I am a gay college student who is completely in the closet. I am a freshman and I have fallen in love with my best friend who is supposedly straight. The weird thing is, is that when people see us together they think of us as gay. I meet him just about 2 months ago. Almost every Friday and Saturda we go to parties together and most times head home together. We hang out all the time during the week. I am with him more than anyone else I know. We have both gotten very drunk a few times together and been very touchy with each other. He has kissed me on the cheek while he was drunk and one time we kissed a tiny kiss on the lips. When we hang out we are always touching and I feel like it is flirting. He has caressed my hair many times and we've even held hands while being drunk (fingers locked) He acts as if he can't remember us doing any of this, but I just can't understand how its possible. SOOOOO Here's there problem. The other night I was much more drunk than he and I told him how we kissed and how it was special. I didn't remember telling him this but he confronted me about it. He got angry and said he is really getting creeped out. He also said, "I feel like you want us to be gay together." I simply said Im not gay and I just being with him and that I don't think of him in any sexual way I just love being with him and sometimes my love just transfers out weirdly. He says he loves me to all the time and how he is happier when he is with me, but he is also pretty active sexually with girls. The worst part about all this is, when he talks to me about his sex life, I can hardly handle it. My body hurts. I've never been in love until now. I can't stop thinking about him. My life is feeling hopeless right now and I know I should just leave the university so I can get over him and not ruin my life. Is he gay? What should I do?

[neverme]

A. You'll never know if he is gay until he tells you, just like you he can deny it until he's blue in the face if he feels like it.

And there is a possibility that he considers himself straight... there's a million possibilities.

B. Do you intend to stay in the closet long? I hope not with this kind of behaviour because people are good at picking up on emotions and to be honest, I'd say your about as subtle as a brick in the face.

C. Ya, you should leave the university, because that is how you don't ruin your life? You worked long and hard to be there, don't go anywhere.

You have two options here:

You can either deal with the situation and tell him honestly how you feel, and risk losing your friendship with him and perhaps others (not everyone is very open minded, but then again you know that, or you wouldn't be at the back of a closet!)

Or

You can back off away from this guy until your feelings disperse, which they will. This is infatuation and if all factors went right, COULD be love but it is not now.

Love is a two way street and it seems to me your doing u–eys and trying to convince yourself there's two cars there.

He may have gay tendencies – it certainly seems so to me! – but it doesn't matter, if he doesn't want to recognise them or admit them or maybe he is in fact straight and just curious you never know! If he doesn't want to know you will most likely lose him as a friend, as he said already he is getting freaked out.

Don't rush into a decision, think about it all.

[Clough]

Hi, frugallife!

If you are gay and you told him that you're not, then that's a problem. In healthy relationships, deception is not used. I think that the best thing to do is to be honest and upfront with him about your feelings and your sexuality and for you to request of him to be honest and upfront with you also.

Do you think there would be a problem with doing that?

Also, I don't really think that you're in love with him, but that you have a very strong crush on him. It takes a long time to develop true love with someone.

Hopefully, others will also come along to address your question.

Thanks!

[Clough]

Yes, we did post at about the same time, neverme! I didn't see your post until I had posted mine.

Thanks!