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angie101 · Feb 28, 2009, 10:03 PM

My son is now 4 yrs old and he hasn't seen or spoken to his father in a year and a half. His father agreed to sign his parental rights over to me. How do I file for sole custody?

cadillac59 · Feb 28, 2009, 10:18 PM

The father cannot sign over his parental rights unless you have someone waiting to adopt.

Obtaining sole custody has nothing to do with termination of parental rights. To obtain sole custody you file an action with the court in which custody is an issue and request sole custody. If the dad agrees to that, then submit a stipulation and proposed order on it.

cdad · Mar 1, 2009, 08:21 AM

Originally Posted by cadillac59

The father cannot sign over his parental rights unless you have someone waiting to adopt.

Obtaining sole custody has nothing to do with termination of parental rights. To obtain sole custody you file an action with the court in which custody is an issue and request sole custody. If the dad agrees to that, then submit a stipulation and proposed order on it.

Also doing this doesn't provide any relief for him to be making child support payments so if that's what he is thinking tell him to forget about it.

excon · Mar 1, 2009, 08:38 AM

Originally Posted by angie101

My son is now 4 yrs old and he hasn't seen or spoken to his father in a year and a half. His father agreed to sign his parental rights over to me. How do I file for sole custody?

Hello angie:

I don't know what you expect to gain by doing this. He pays nothing and doesn't see his son now, and after you spend money to go to court, he's not going to pay anything nor is he going to see his son...

You gained exactly WHAT??

Actually, I'll bet you agreed to LOSE stuff. I KNOW he owes back child support, and I KNOW he's not paying now. I also KNOW that you agreed to forgo the back child support and to not pursue him anymore, if he'd agree to you getting sole custody.

LOSING stuff for her children isn't what a mother should do. She should try to GET stuff - not LOSE it. Plus, making sure that your son grows up WITHOUT his father ain't doing him any favors, either.

excon

angie101 · Mar 1, 2009, 05:36 PM

Actually, {insults removed}, My son's father is the one that has now decided after 4 yrs he wants nothing to do with our son! FYI, He wants to eleminate what-ever rights he has as a father and wants to forget that he even has a son, and no he hasn't paid any child support since the day he was born and I know I won't see any money from him in which I could care lees!! By gaining sole custody of my son I would be GAINING A LOT!! I wouldn't have to worry about trying to hunt him down when I want to take my son on vacations out of the country, as I went through before!! He wouldn't give me permission to take my son to Disney World because he's so selfish! I had to go to the courts to get permission! {rude comments removed}

ScottGem · Mar 1, 2009, 05:48 PM

First, you need to review the rules of this site, many of your comments were out of line. While a responder may have gotten it wrong in your case, we see many similar questions and the reaction was based on that.

The main issue you need to focus on is the difference between parental rights and sole legal custody. Getting a termination of parental rights is very difficult and I don't see the father getting one. However, I'm going to suggest that you let him sign such a paper. I would then take that into court and present it as evidence in your request for sole legal custody. Don't bother asking for a TPR because you won't get it.

I can see your reasons for asking for one. I must also ask why you aren't pursuing child support?

Fr_Chuck · Mar 1, 2009, 05:59 PM

Yes if the father of the child does not respond, does not show up or merely signs anything you hand him, you will get full legal and physcial custody, and if he does not want any visits, he will not get any.

After that most courts will order child support, but he will have to trust you not to go after him.

Now if you ever collect welfare the state may go after him for money.

nikosmom · Mar 1, 2009, 06:24 PM

Originally Posted by angie101

Actually, {insults removed}, My son's father is the one that has now decided after 4 yrs he wants nothing to do with our son! FYI, He wants to eleminate what-ever rights he has as a father and wants to forget that he even has a son, and no he hasnt paid any child support since the day he was born and I know I wont see any money from him in which I could care lees!!! By gaining sole custody of my son I would be GAINING A LOT!!!! I wouldn't have to worry about trying to hunt him down when i want to take my son on vacations out of the country, as I went through b4!!! He wouldnt give me permission to take my son to Disney World because he's so selfish!! I had to go to the courts to get permission!! {rude comments removed}

Wow. Let's see, you already have sole custody so you don't need him to sign anything saying so. Unless you have someone (ie. A new spouse) waiting to adopt, then your ex can't just sign over his parental rights because he doesn't feel like being a dad. You say you "could care less" that you haven't received any money for child support but what you need to remember that as a parent, it's not about YOU. It's about your son. Even if you don't think you need the money, your son is entitled to it. Put it away in a college fund or emergency account for him.

So even though your original post was about sole custody, the two actually go hand-in-hand. Your ex doesn't get the luxury of getting out of his parental responsibility just because he chooses not to see his son.

ScottGem · Mar 1, 2009, 06:30 PM

Originally Posted by nikosmom

Wow. Let's see, you already have sole custody

Actually, if you read the OP's response, she may have sole PHYSICAL custody, but not sole LEGAL custody. Otherwise she wouldn't need permission to take her son out of state for a vacation. And that seems to be her main goal.

cadillac59 · Mar 1, 2009, 08:22 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Actually, if you read the OP's response, she may have sole PHYSICAL custody, but not sole LEGAL custody. Otherwise she wouldn't need permission to take her son out of state for a vacation. And that seems to be her main goal.

If all she wants is sole legal custody that ought to be as easy as falling off a log.

All she has to do is have him sign a stip and order, submit it to the court and that's it.

angie101 · Mar 2, 2009, 08:40 AM

Originally Posted by cadillac59

If all she wants is sole legal custody that ought to be as easy as falling off a log.

All she has to do is have him sign a stip and order, submit it to the court and that's it.

Thank You to all for your comments and understandings... the truth is, is his father refuses to get a job so he doesn't have to pay child-support. It's sad but true, he would rather sell "drugs" then to find a decent,legal job! As I said before I couldn't care less about receiving child-support as I know I won't get it anyway! The courts can order him but he won't get a job so he won't be forced to give me any if he has none! It obviously would be nice to have some sort of help from him but his exact words to me in that matter were, "You can't get blood from a stone!" So if there are any other suggestions please let me know, and again thank you to all!

excon · Mar 2, 2009, 08:52 AM

Hello again, angie:

Fourteen years is a LONG time. We're talking 18 years if your son goes to college. Making decisions NOW that'll effect you and your child for the next 14 years, ISN'T something that I recommend.

What's the worst that can happen?? You'll file for child support and you never get it.

What's the best that can happen?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe your ex will make soooo much money selling drugs that he wants to buy a house... But, with a huge child support judgment, he's not going to be able to..

Or maybe he's going to want to open up a bank account someday or apply for a credit card... But with a judgment against him, he's not going to be able to any of that.

Maybe in your state, they put people in JAIL for not paying child support. Arizona does.

Maybe in your state, they'll take away his drivers license if he doesn't pay child support.

Like I said above, you may never get a nickel from this deadbeat. But to GUARANTEE that you won't by doing NOTHING, isn't a responsible thing to do.

I wouldn't let him off the hook.

excon

ScottGem · Mar 2, 2009, 09:20 AM

I agree with excon. While you may never get money from him that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. I believe it will be a slam dunk to get sole legal custody. I think it won't happen if you try for a TPR.

There may be some circumstances in the future where he will want something or try to do something that will find his money.

nikosmom · Mar 2, 2009, 09:31 AM

excon made some good points. Right now you're not getting anything from him but surely you won't be in a worse position by at least filing. I don't know what state you're in, but here in NC, they take your driver's license if you don't pay up. He's also not allowed to leave the country if he has an outstanding child support judgement. Or say someday he decides to straighten up and try to get an education, no student grants! I know it may seem like a long shot, but as a mother you have to fight for everything you think your son should have. And he's worth it, right?

Keep your head up!

angie101 · Mar 2, 2009, 10:46 AM

I totally agree with every 1 of u! Although, his father like I said before, is nothing... he has no licsense nor does he want to ever work or try to get decent job. He doesn't care! He is one of those "Tough Guys", or at least he thinks he is... he doesn't seem to care about how much problems he's arousing for himself. He has no intentions on trying to work or have a future, he uses his women for their money and expects them to pay for everything. I caught on fast enough and managed to get out but the girl he's with now supports him completely and doesn't care. I live in ontario and as far as I know and I maybe wrong, if he works they will garnish his wages and the money will go directly to me but if he doesn't , they can't force him to give money if he doesn't have it. I really hope you are all right and he does one day grow up and want more for him-self, but its hard to say now. So for my son's sake I can only hope, and soon enough this night-mare will be over.