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MrX1388 · Feb 28, 2009, 10:40 PM

So me and my girlfriend/ex? Have been dating about a year and a half, were in college together. We have a great time with each other and have a blast. Recently she said she's been getting scared because when she's not with me she thinks about after college and gets worried that we may not be together because we both have our plans for after school. She wants to join americorps for a year and I want to go to grad school. So recently she said she was confused about what to do. All right for a ltitle background, me and my girlfriend have never really talked about a serious future in terms of marriage because we both agreed that were in school right now and we should be just having fun, which we are, and I mean things are very serious and she brought this up now. Anyway back to my point and question, she said when she's not with me she worries about the future and is scared something may tear us apart, she came to school with a boyfriend long distance and it didn't work at all. But within the last week we've been talking about what may happen with the long term and both of us are confused about it . So we decided that this week since we are on break we would take time for each other and just think things through without contact and see if either of us can come up with something. I know what I want, and that is to be with her even at the end of school I will make it work. She said she's contemplating breaking up because it's not fair to me to wait while she tries to figure out if its OK, I told her I don't consider it waiting because couples run into problems and sometimes we just need alone time to figure it out. My question is what should I do to make her see that there's a good chance things won't end?

ChihuahuaMomma · Mar 1, 2009, 12:06 AM

It sounds to me that she is doing some preventative maintenance. She may be thinking it would hurt less to end it now than to realize it won't work after school. I could be wrong, I don't know. How long until the end of school?

MrX1388 · Mar 1, 2009, 08:39 AM

About a year and a half till were out. She's there an extra semester though. She says that's why she wants to end it cause she's afraid what happens if it doesn't last.

talaniman · Mar 1, 2009, 10:39 AM

Try this link.

Long Distance Relationship Advice | The Frisky

Working together to get a clear plan, and path, to where you want to be is a key here.

To do that, you must know where you want to end up, and define all the terms of your goals. Make sure that that's done ahead of time, and be sure to honestly communicate your hopes, and fears to each other.

She is doing that, it seems and her concerns are legit. You have done well to give this some think time to form your thoughts, and opinions, and concerns, so if your both good listeners you will have a lot of time to plan, thru communications.

Just be realistic about what you both can do, what you will face, and the obstacles you must overcome as time and distance is a very difficult thing to overcome, but not impossible..

MrX1388 · Mar 1, 2009, 10:48 AM

Thank you for your advice! She told me she doesn't want to break up but she's just scared it'll happen when we graduate

MrX1388 · Oct 18, 2009, 09:22 AM

Threads merged

Hello all!

So In June I ended things with my ex due to the fact she was not sure about a lot of things, so I told her to take time for herself and figure things out. Kind of sucked, but she agreed with me. We stayed in contact with each other friendly every so often just chatting about our lives. I've been seeing someone recently casually, but I'm not sure about it and am thinking about ending it and contemplating asking my ex is she wants to get back together, she says she's over me but constantly talks about our relationship and how great it was and the things she loved about it, and things that she misses. I'm not quite sure what to do, I also do not want to be that person who tells their current interest "hey may still be into my exgirlfriend, sorry"

amicon · Oct 18, 2009, 09:41 AM

If you re still into your ex you shouldn't be with your current girl that's not fair on her.
Your previous relationship s over -so why try to go down that road again?
Try being single for a while.

Jayjay027 · Oct 18, 2009, 10:46 AM

Amicon is right, if you have feelings for your ex, you shouldn't be seeing anyone else.

However, you won't know unless you speak to your ex about how she feels. You two may both be thinking the same thing, you may not. You should tell her how you feel.
But you have to prepared to hear a no from her. Don't get all your hopes up that she will say yes, because she may not.

I wish · Oct 18, 2009, 10:47 AM

Figure out what you want and stick with that decision.

1) IF you want to stay in your current relationship, then leave your ex out of your life.

2) IF you want to explore possibilities with your ex, then make a clean break with your current girlfriend and let her know that it's not working out.

3) IF your ex can rattle your current relationship so easily, then it doesn't seem like you have a very stable relationship with your current girlfriend anyway.

4) IF you can't make a decision, then forget both girls and be single until you figure out what you want.

ChihuahuaMomma · Oct 18, 2009, 11:44 AM

You don't like the girl you're dating--leave.
You're ex is over you--don't go back.

Be single. You obviously need to figure yourself out and need some time to yourself before making any other relationship commitments.

talaniman · Oct 18, 2009, 01:50 PM

Jumping from girl to girl, and back again will drive you crazy. Not fair to either of them.

Your ex seems to know how to keep your nose open, and is destroying any chance at having a healthy adult relationship with the new girl, who sounds like a rebound any way.

That can't be good, and what do you think all this says about you, playa, playa?