Check out some similar questions!

imstruggling · Feb 26, 2009, 08:19 AM

Dear All

I really need some advice on a big problem in my life. Ive been with my parner for 9 years and married for 4, a couple of years ago we separated and I met another man who I had a brief relationship with. After that had ended me and my husband decided o get back together and give the marriage another go. It was going well and then my ex has reared his head again.

I don't know why I'm torn tbh, my ex is living with his mum and not the best in terms of realiability, whereas my husband has a good job and we have a very nice life together. The problem is I think I love my husband but am not in love with him.

My ex has come on the scene saying that he made a mistake last time and that he loves me and wants to make it work this time (he don't know I'm back with husband). I do love the ex in a way I don't the husband anyone.

So do I leave my comfortable home life (no kids btw) to run off with a guy who can't be relied on and lives with his mother at the age of 30 or stay with husband who I do love but not passionatly anymore

Please help xx

kctiger · Feb 26, 2009, 08:25 AM

Originally Posted by imstruggling

So do i leave my comfortable home life (no kids btw) to run off with a guy who can't be relied on and lives with his mother at the age of 30 or stay with husband who i do love but not passionatly anymore

Please help xx

Is this a trick question? Leave your husband for a loser, or stay with your husband, who loves you, but since you are so focused on your loser ex, you don't love him the same way?

Hmmm... :rolleyes:

imstruggling · Feb 26, 2009, 08:28 AM

Exactly. I do love my husband but not in the way I should, more brother and sister like if you know what I mean.

I love my ex in a passionate way but he isn't the most reliable

Justwantfair · Feb 26, 2009, 08:28 AM

Trick question? Trick answer:

Your husband deserves better, but you are too good for the boyfriend living with his mum...

BE SINGLE and have no one.

imstruggling · Feb 26, 2009, 08:30 AM

Its so hard, if I didn't love my husband then I would leave and try with this other guy. Im being selfish I know, I don't want to leave the husband then the other relationship fails. I know I'm being selfish so that doesn't need pointing out.

Alty · Feb 26, 2009, 08:31 AM

We can't tell you what to do, you have to decide.

Here's the big question. When you got married did you intend to be with your husband for life, or did you think "well, if I find something better I can always move on then".

Why you are even putting someone else into the picture is beyond me. If you care about your marriage, your husband, then break off all contact with the 30 year old loser.

But hey, that's just my take on things.

Good luck.

imstruggling · Feb 26, 2009, 08:32 AM

I know the right thing to do in my mind, but I love my ex sooo soooo much. I can't stop thinking of him, he has treated me badly in the past but how do you stop and turn your feelings off??

kctiger · Feb 26, 2009, 08:33 AM

You can't just "turn" your feelings off.. you have control over your actions... so QUIT talking to your freaking ex... for God's sake, you are married. Grow up! If I was your husband I would have kicked your a$$ out the door if I knew about this stuff...

imstruggling · Feb 26, 2009, 08:35 AM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

We can't tell you what to do, you have to decide.

Here's the big question. When you got married did you intend to be with your husband for life, or did you think "well, if I find something better I can always move on then".

Why you are even putting someone else into the picture is beyond me. If you care about your marriage, your husband, then break off all contact with the 30 year old loser.

But hey, that's just my take on things.

Good luck.

Yeah of course I got married for life, doesn't everyone when they marry?? I try to forget this other guy and even went 5 days (I know its not alot) without texting him (nothing has happened between us since I got back with my husband)
How do you get someone out of your head, he says that he loves me and wants us to be together

imstruggling · Feb 26, 2009, 08:36 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

You can't just "turn" your feelings off..you have control over your actions...so QUIT talking to your freaking ex...for God's sake, you are married. Grow up! If I was your husband I would have kicked your a$$ out the door if I knew about this stuff...

I'm only texting the ex, I haven't murdered anyone, I haven't seen him in months

kctiger · Feb 26, 2009, 08:37 AM

You are still cheating on your husband. Take some responsibility for your own actions. Why do you continue to text the ex? You are emotionally involved with someone... and it isn't your husband!

Justwantfair · Feb 26, 2009, 08:38 AM

Well make a pros/cons list, show it to each of them and find out what things they can improve on. When you get one to agree to be your Prince Charming then be with that one...

Ok, seriously. You are being selfish and very foolish. You promised yourself to your husband until death do you part, you owe it to him to be working on that relationship with a pure heart, which you are not. Your husband definitely deserves better then this.

Relationships are never sugar and spice ALL THE TIME. You work on them, not try to find the greener grass. If you can't work on a relationship and just search out escapes, you will NEVER be happy. You will find these same problems in four years with the new beau.

imstruggling · Feb 26, 2009, 08:41 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Well make a pros/cons list, show it to each of them and find out what things they can improve on. When you get one to agree to be your Prince Charming then be with that one...

Ok, seriously. You are being selfish and very foolish. You promised yourself to your husband until death do you part, you owe it to him to be working on that relationship with a pure heart, which you are not. Your husband definately deserves better then this.

Relationships are never sugar and spice ALL THE TIME. You work on them, not try to find the greener grass. If you can't work on a relationship and just search out escapes, you will NEVER be happy. You will find these exact same problems in four years with the new beau.

You are so right justwantfair. In my heart I know I should be with my husband 101% emotionally, I've even ordered a new sim so the ex can't text me. Im doing all the right things but my heart is breaking inside for another. If I could turn my feelings off I would do this minute.

imstruggling · Feb 26, 2009, 08:41 AM

I just wanted to say thanks for all your help and advice xx

kctiger · Feb 26, 2009, 08:42 AM

Before you leave, I will need your billing address... ;)

imstruggling · Feb 26, 2009, 08:44 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Before you leave, I will need your billing address... ;)

Lol :eek::eek::eek:

Justwantfair · Feb 26, 2009, 08:45 AM

Originally Posted by imstruggling

you are so right justwantfair. In my heart i know i should be with my husband 101% emotionally, ive even ordered a new sim so the ex can't text me. Im doing all the right things but my heart is breaking inside for another. If i could turn my feelings off i would do this minute.

This is the same as any break up, you go to NC and you will hurt, but you have to do this for yourself and your husband.

Good luck to you.

imstruggling · Feb 26, 2009, 08:46 AM

The ex told my friend last week that he loves me as a mate and nothing more, then a few days later told her that when he said that comment that his head was mixed up and he didn't mean it.

That he loved me and wanted to be with me again, that he was an idiot when he made those comments and was sorry. The problem is that I'm scared that he will always be saying he loves me then changing his mind the week after

imstruggling · Feb 26, 2009, 08:51 AM

My dilemma is do I stay in my marriage and try and make it work (all I ever seem to do is try and make it work, other peoples marriages seem to run automatically without any help), I'm sure that isn't the case but it seems like that from my perspective.

Or do I break free and be with a man who I am worried that he is going to turn around and say I've changed my mind and I don't love you today, he has a tendency of runnning away when things get tough (and I know that's what you think I'm doing, it isn't that's its tough but stale!! )

Justwantfair · Feb 26, 2009, 08:52 AM

Originally Posted by imstruggling

the ex told my friend last week that he loves me as a mate and nothing more, then a few days later told her that when he said that comment that his head was mixed up and he didnt mean it.

That he loved me and wanted to be with me again, that he was an idiot when he made those comments and was sorry. The problem is that im scared that he will always be saying he loves me then changing his mind the week after

It doesn't matter what he says, move on. You are wasting your time thinking and analyzing.