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kctiger · Feb 16, 2009, 06:57 AM

I have to be honest. I think the only way people truly commit to it (being as stubborn as I am), is to find out first hand how much it hurts to constantly break it, then you learn from your own pain...

Not clear enough? I probably broke NC at least 5-8 times... at LEAST. Finally, I got tired of running into a brick wall, and just decided to stick to it, once an for all.

Sometimes, you just have to learn from your mistakes, even if you make them over and over again. Eventually, your head takes over, and you will come out on top.

zeeniee · Feb 16, 2009, 08:27 AM

NC at the start can be very hard to do... I too broke it a few times and all that happened is I got more pain... eventually I learnt the beauty of NC and one day started the GOLDEN NC and I have kept it so far. I am now much more stronger with keeping NC as I know how important it is- of course there will be days where you wish you can email, text or just hear the ex's voice... guess the whole thing is like a yo- yo, eventually the yo-yo will stop.

MiSSsy111222 · Feb 16, 2009, 09:43 AM

It is like a yo yo! Il be strong for days then all of a sudden I panic. My mind tricks me to think it won't hurt to be friends, and then I'm kicking myself for hurting all over again.

Does anyone think its possible to be friends with an ex in the future?

kctiger · Feb 16, 2009, 09:47 AM

Originally Posted by MiSSsy111222

it is like a yo yo! il be strong for days then all of a sudden i panic. my mind tricks me to think it wont hurt to be friends, and then im kicking myself for hurting all over again.

does anyone think its possible to be friends with an ex in the future?

It is possible, but once you are truly over this, I don't even think it will cross your mind. Until you get over the hump, you always think that eventually the two of you will be friends... at the end of the road (at least for me), it really isn't something you will consider, or think about, as you will really become indifferent to the whole situation.

MiSSsy111222 · Feb 23, 2009, 05:09 PM

I don't know how to explain how I feel. I've had NC with the EX for nearly three weeks now. I'm feeling better, I feel like I'm getting myself back. I have got my friends back, I have a social life and I can genuinly smile. Then I stumble across a messange my EX has written for another girl. He told her he loves her. This has got me angry and frustrated. I feel so much hate inside. This is the guy who only a few weeks ago was saying he didn't want to be with anyone. He was willling to meet up with me for benefits! Which I didn't do. I feel sorry for this poor girl. How can a man lie so easily. I've been thanking god that he isn't in my life anymore. Tonight I'm not going to be able to sleep.

Is he using this girl? How can he love her so quick. This has made me think of him differently. I hate him at the moment and I hope this feeling stays so it can kill any hope that's left inside me. It changes the whole situation of the break up. I had suspition about this already, and now its been confirmed. How can I deal with this?

Any advice?

neverme · Feb 23, 2009, 06:25 PM

'Get fu*ked'

That's all you can think.

I'm going through the same things with my ex, she's with another girl and there's pics on bebo of them and it's horrible, but there are only 2 options:

Option 1: He really does think he loves this girl, and therefore has no real idea what love is because if he did there is no way he could learn to love and trust again so easily after a relationship.

Option 2: He doesn't really love her and is just cruelly using her as a rebound.

You have to remember it is very easy to transfer emotions when you have been in a long term relationship and head feet first into the next one. They seem great because it is so easy and you are the big horrible b*tch who held his hand for the last X amount of years.

Eh... anyway rant over. LOL

But you get what I'm saying, it doesn't matter whether it's option a or option b, it's not your problem.

Just an aside, how did you manage to 'come across' this text?

If you broke NC and found it by snooping then you can see where you've already made two major mistakes! Come on you only put yourself through pain when you do this.

It's up to you to heal yourself now, your not his issue and he's not yours.

chuff · Feb 23, 2009, 06:34 PM

Read the sticky's on getting over an ex. Realize also, that your feelings for him could not be returned in the same manner so the break up, while it stings now is for the future good of your life.

MiSSsy111222 · Feb 24, 2009, 03:05 AM

I did accidentally come across this. I stopped using my MSN account to avoid him, however I needed to check my emails and the home page came up with statues updates. Aghhhh I had a terrible nights sleep!

Its funny how a few little words changes things

kctiger · Feb 24, 2009, 06:40 AM

You need to seriously get away from all of the "stumbling" that you do... it doesn't matter what he does, and the random questions that make you analyze all of his actions are an EXTREME waste of your time.

3 weeks of NC is nothing, really. Hell, it takes 2 weeks just to start getting into a habit, let alone that habit doing you any good. I found that the first month of NC was all about me just getting out of my rhythm of calling her, or talking to her... I didn't really start to feel better about myself until I built a busy life, with minimal contact with anything surrounding her...

It will take you a lot longer than 3 weeks to feel comfortable with "stumbling" onto any kind of contact with him.

talaniman · Feb 24, 2009, 07:00 AM

Its normal for old feelings to be stirred, but you have to push on, and stay off his accounts.

MiSSsy111222 · Feb 24, 2009, 07:16 AM

Trust me this was an accident. If I really wanted to know about his life I would just ask him! I know three weeks is not long and I'm still not over it, but I am making myself move on by changing my life. I was sick of not living so I am working on myself. My intentions was not to check up on him. Its none of my business what he does now, vice versa, however I've been having urges to find out. People please advice me as to WHY this is a bad idea. I already no it is bad, I just need some back up to keep me going!

LoveStoned · Feb 24, 2009, 07:54 AM

And these are his true colors. Stay away from all myspace, Facebook, bebo... etc... You will heal faster and you will not be tempted to wonder or stumble across hurtful info. I'm in the same situation as you... read my posts...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...ve-281948.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...hy-296723.html

Exact thing.

Do not read any messages he send you... DELETE... DELETE... DELETE..! He will say things that you want to hear but it will not be in your favor. One month later NC and I'm realizing my ex really wasn't the one for me... thats why I left. If he is stringing you along while with another girl, it doesn't sound like he's any good either... (Like I said I was in the same situation)!! You try to want to work things out and they take complete advantage. He's a control freak... EWWH

UnluckyDucky · Feb 24, 2009, 08:05 AM

RESIST THE URGE!

Don't do it! Bad idea, bad! No good can come of you knowing what he's up to. Finding out about our ex before we have fully healed is very similar to picking the scab of a healing wound. It ultimately takes much longer to heal than if we had just left it alone. Having him out of sight, out of mind is the way to go so you can heal your heart faster with minimal scarring.

Stay strong and resist that urge, it's the best thing you can do for yourself right now.

MiSSsy111222 · Feb 24, 2009, 08:14 AM

Its been 4months since the break up, so I shouldn't really complain. However we were together last month. He says he doesn't want a relationship with anyone. Why couldn't he just be man enough to tell me the truth? I know he only see's me in a sexual way now. He has made this clear. At first I confused this with him wanting me. Now I know he is a user. He was using me. And if he loved this girl surely he wouldn't want to have benefits with me?

neverme · Feb 24, 2009, 08:19 AM

Then it's been one month since you broke up, for you. You invested emotion in him again and that begins a new, different and harmful relationship for ye.

Get a gmail account, that way you have no reason to go on anything he can be updating?

Like I said in an earlier post it's either option 1 or 2, doesn't matter NOT YOUR CONCERN!

MiSSsy111222 · Feb 24, 2009, 08:34 AM

Originally Posted by UnluckyDucky

RESIST THE URGE!

Don't do it! Bad idea, bad! No good can come of you knowing what he's up to. Finding out about our ex before we have fully healed is very similar to picking the scab of a healing wound. It ultimately takes much longer to heal than if we had just left it alone. Having him out of sight, out of mind is the way to go so you can heal your heart faster with minimal scarring.

Stay strong and resist that urge, its the best thing you can do for yourself right now.

Yes its true. I already know it. Some times I need a kick up the butt! I like comparing my ex to a scab.:)

MiSSsy111222 · Mar 3, 2009, 10:53 AM

Hi everyone.

Im still healing after my break up four months ago. The pain is still raw, I'm trying not to let it consume me, however its on my mind everyday. I'm keeping busy with college, exams and seeing my friends. Even when I am busy its at the back of my mind. My close friends say that they can see that something is bothering me. And the truth is it still is. On the outside I'm acting normal, people think I'm back to my usual self but on the inside my heart still aches. I find myself being over emotional too.

Would anyone like to share there stories of how they are healing/how long it took or how they finally got over it?

kctiger · Mar 3, 2009, 10:55 AM

You can feel free to look up the threads I have started for my back story...

I am on month... five right now. Doing pretty good. I am a world of difference from what I was in October, when I first came on here.

Just takes time, and being proactive in finding fun things in your life is also a key. Don't worry about the time, worry about what you do with the time... that's what matters.

MiSSsy111222 · Mar 3, 2009, 11:07 AM

I am in a better place now, even from before I was with him. Life seems a lot more brighter in some sense. But its still on my mind a lot. I can be busy and BAM it hits me. The same with waking up in the morning, I get a few minutes of peace until it hits again.

Sometimes I feel like the fool because I'm in pain whilst he carries on as normal.

ashmonster81506 · Mar 3, 2009, 11:20 AM

1. Do everything possible that will let you get your mind/heart off him and when you start thinking of him again, do something else.

2. you could always call him and talk to him about it, and see how he feels? Maybe he's living with it the same way you are? Maybe he will give you another chance? Or the other way around. Then again, I don't know what caused the breakup or anything.

But just try to go shopping, play sports, or something fun, where you have to think about what you're doing at the moment, and not about him. I know its hard, but just "think outside the box", and think of how things have changed for the better in the past 5 months for you, and just think positive. Not negative.

I hope my advice helps..