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Brooke8565 · Feb 23, 2009, 09:19 PM

Okay my fiancé and his ex-wife met in the military. While they were married, my boyfriend left the army, while she remained in. They got divorced in Louisiana, and he moved back to Texas. He was granted joint custody. She shortly moved to the east coast. At the time his son was only 2, and he did not object to her taking him so far away because he was young, and she was in the marines and could not really chose where she was sent. In the first few years of this arrangement it worked out, because his son got to stay with him while she was deployed (which was about half of the time.) But things are not going so well now...

He is now six years old. He's failing school. He cannot learn to read, even though he was learning to read and spell while he stayed with me last summer. He is getting into fights at school, and last week his mom was called to come to the school because him and another boy were fighting over a BOX CUTTER. We asked him why he was being so bad and he said he's just mad all the time. It's no wonder. She makes him and his brother wake up at 5:00AM to get dressed and drive an hour and a half away to their school in the town where she works. The school is in miami, and she said that the cuban accents of the teachers are so thick that he can't understand them. (No wonder he can't read.) When he gets out of school he has to go across the street to her office where he stays until about 7:00PM and then makes the hour and a half ride home. That is no life for a 6 year old. All he wants to do is play baseball and she won't let him because "she doesnt have time." Her divorce was finalized in probably August 2008. Here it is Feb 2009 and she is already remarried. She has obviously chosen her career over her children. Now her son is so confused with all the different men that have come in and out of his life, and a hectic schedule, and we live here in Texas and there is only so much we can do.

Okay sorry I rambled so much.

Today my boyfriend suggested to her that she let him come stay with us for a year, or maybe 6 months, to help him get back on track. She said no. But we do plan to take this to court. She may not be on drugs and may not abuse the children, but she does neglect them. There is no stability in his life.

The divorce was in LA, but the child resides in FL. We need to figure out what we need to prove to the courts that he is better off here. I need some advice! I don't even know where to start!

Justwantfair · Feb 23, 2009, 09:29 PM

To my understanding, jurisdiction for custody is where the child resides (or resided for most states the last 180 days). So all petitions to modify custody would have to take place in Florida.

Neglect and the child failing in school will be relevant to your petition for best interests of the child, along with any information about an unstable dating relationships. Are you willing to take up this cause in FL? Someone will be along shortly to double check my understanding of the law, but to my knowledge this would all have to be dealt with where the child is.

Brooke8565 · Feb 23, 2009, 09:41 PM

Yes, I did call legal aid here in Texas earlier today to clarify that for me... We will have to pursue this in FL. We're just worried a judge won't see it worth taking a child away from his mother over fights, bad attitude, and failing grades. I know that a judge in Texas wouldn't. But then again, Texas in a mother-loving state. Hardly anything can take a child away from a mother here.

Justwantfair · Feb 23, 2009, 09:49 PM

I live in IL. I know for a best interests of child case, which is what we get when it's joint change to sole, that failing grades are a key factor in a problem for the child, the long hours between work and home should be a considered factor as well. When a child is failing in school, especially at such a young age, they do take note.

Good luck to you. It's a long battle.

cadillac59 · Feb 23, 2009, 10:53 PM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

To my understanding, jurisdiction for custody is where the child resides (or resided for most states the last 180 days). So all petitions to modify custody would have to take place in Florida.

Neglect and the child failing in school will be relevant to your petition for best interests of the child, along with any information about an unstable dating relationships. Are you willing to take up this cause in FL? Someone will be along shortly to double check my understanding of the law, but to my knowledge this would all have to be dealt with where the child is.

Custody jurisdiction is not always where the child resides (if the dad, for example, still resided in LA then jurisdiction would still be there). But in this case it appears that FL does have jurisdiction because (1) FL has become the child's home state (the state the child has resided in with a parent or person who acted as a parent for 6 consecutive months immediately preceding the filing of an action for custody) and (2) the dad has moved to Texas. Jurisdiction to modify another state's custody order requires either home state jurisdiction or "significant connection/substantial evidence" jurisdiction where there is no home state.

As far as the substantive law of modification, it may not be a best interests analysis at all. That could vary from state-to-state. Some states might require a showing of changed circumstances to to even consider a modification since these folks are post-judgment. This all needs to be checked out with a Florida family law attorney.

Brooke8565 · Feb 24, 2009, 02:19 PM

Thanks for the advice. The bottom line is that we just need a really good lawyer...

cdad · Feb 24, 2009, 02:37 PM

The other way that it might be done is to keep the joint custody going until the child returns to you for a 6 month period. Just before he is to go back you can file then. He will meet the states requirement of living in the state. It's a crappy tactic but...

Brooke8565 · Feb 25, 2009, 08:05 AM

Well that would be great but the duty station she it at right now has a very very very low chance of deployment. That is why she chose to move there. We're just going to try to get a great lawyer there in Florida and pray the judge sees that we are better fit parents. But I sincerely thank eveyone who has responded. Your prayers would also be appreciated.

Thanks,
Brooke