[Brian0961]

Hello. I am the typical "nice guy". My (ex)girlfriend and I were dating for 6 months, and she has mass depression. She has broken up with me before, because she got off her meds, and then we got back together in a week or sooner. This time, my parents said some stuff when they were drunk, which I think had some part of it, and she got really mad and broke up with me, saying that I'm too clingy and annoying. She cooled off and said she just needs time and she doesn't want to be in a serious relationship. She said she still loves me and that its not like were separted for good.

We've had pass troubles about her saying she likes one of her guy friends, but then saying she didn't know what she was thinking, and that when we broke up it realized how much I mean to her and that she didn't want to lose me. That was last time. This time, she doesn't call as much, like she used to before. This Valentines Day, she told me she wanted to spend it together. So we did, I bought her a dozen roses and flowers and a bear, and she was really happy, saying she loved the bear and the flowers. That day she continued to say she loved me and I spent the night there. When I left the next day, she called and said she really missed me and loved me, and wanted me to come back to her house. I couldn't and I didn't speak to her the next day, and when I checked her myspace yesterday, she changed it saying stuff like " slowly but surely im moving forward" and stuff like that. She put the guy that she said she liked but didn't like where I was on her friends spot and has commented him saying that they should hang out together.

Ive read Wildcat21s advice and wanted to know if it would help if I cut off contact, not talking for awhile and to stop being dependent on her.

Is that good advice, and any advice I could have for this situation and maybe for the future??

[talaniman]

No Contact by any means at all is what could help you and staying off her myspace is an absolute must. Worry about you and what your doing with your life and leave hers alone.

[kp2171]

Ditto that.

Everybody wants to be chased a little... isn't it time for her to make you feel like you aren't going to have to do all the work?

Blame it on the meds... or the parents... or whatever. Anyone but her.

She herself said she doesn't want to be in a serious relationship... so... I'm no longer sure who is to blame here... the word "love" is used for many things. You can love someone you care about, but not want to be with.

So you have ignored her "warnings" about not wanting to be tied down, thinking perhaps you can win her over with good deeds... she has been all over the place, one minute basking in your attention and the next moment she's looking for what's better on the block.

I say back off hard. If she isn't kicking in your door to get you back, then it was over.

If she is kicking in your door you still don't know the truth... is she just back for the attention you gave so easily? Is she lonely? Wanting the familiar?

Look... I've no problem with you being a "typical good guy"... good for you for treating people with respect and honesty. I'm not asking you to play mind games. I'm asking you to see how much she needs you. For you to know reality.

And that means you need to back way off. It might tear you apart. Drive you mad. But you aren't going to know how hard she's willing to work until you make her work. And even then... you still need to think about whether anything has been solved or whether she just needed to "win" you back to boost her self esteem.

Ultimately, if there are issues at hand, and those issues aren't resolved, nothing gets fixed... even if you separate and then come back together.

From her actions... sounds like she cares for you, but she was being honest when she said she wasn't interested in anything serious. I think you took a chance and it didn't come out in your favor.

Been there, done that. Had a great relationship with a wonderful girl I loved... two years together. She didn't want to be tied down, but I chased her hard. Worked out pretty well until, toward the end, she got punchy about being tied down. Cheated on me. Crash and burn.

So... can't tell you if your situ is like mine... but my instincts would be to tell you to duck and cover. Crap is about to fly.

[Romefalls19]

Myspace is the devil! That stupid site is nothing but problems, especially if you are trying to heal. Let me guess, this is what happens.

You see that she is confused or sad, you get happy because you think she misses you.

You see that she's happy, you get upset because she's moving on.

Save yourself the confusion and go NC

[slapshot_oi]

If you're a nice guy you need a nice girl.

[Brian0961]

Well I found out more info. I guess she's been talking about the other guy to her brother, who is my best friend.


I'm just going to back off.

Like you said, if she really misses me or wants me she'll come to me.

Thanks for the advice, any advice for the future if things go good or if I get in another relationship??

[liz28]

The two of you are not togther so she is free to see and do whatever she wants. You stated that she is moving forward so maybe you shoukd do the same.

You stated your ex suffers from manic depression and is taking meds so this shows she has things that she needs to work on from within so move forward and sometimes you have to leave the past in the past.