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The latest: she texted me last night... 3 times. I gave in and answered her. She said that it was drama last time we were together.. and I was expecting her to invite me over. She didn't. Instead she said she had plans with her kids. And left it at that... What do you guys think now? |
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I think you caved ;) But you will need to be No Contact if you are going to get over this, she HAS TO focus on her problems. You need to step out of the picture, but do not be surprised if she doesn't want to fix the problems and moves on to a different relationship. This is not a healthy relationship for you, so you can have both feet on the ground or get back on the roller coaster until you puke. |
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Points taken... BUT... what if she claims that "I am her world" like she has before and wants me tonight? Should I go over and sleep with her (which would be great) - and just know to myself that she's just using me? I know that she will claim that she is trying to work on her issues and then turn around and say that she gets "no emotional" support from me and THAT is why she acts the way she acts towards me!! What do you think now? |
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Many times people who have underlying mental issues, especially depression, will drink all the time in order to self medicate themselves. It briefly takes away the depression and makes them feel better, however when the alcohol wears off, everything comes back even more. She has some sort of mental stability issue as well as a alcohol dependency issue she needs to deal with before any of this gets better. |
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Yeah... I know I'm acting like a child. But I just NEVER had this feeling with a woman before. I'm mad at myself for acting like this and for her treating me like this, I'm in love. :( and that's why its damn difficult. I do know that she does have issues like getting custody of her kids... drinking, needs depression medicine. UM... why am I with her again?? LOL. Do you guys think that THERE really are women out there that Don't have any issues? Id like your opinions because I haven't found anyone yet that isn't "crazy" AND gorgeous. You know what I'm talking about people... Any more advice would be appreciated! |
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<--- Isn't crazy and gorgeous, all in the same package. There are PLENTY of women out there that fit the bill, you just have to be willing to look, be selective and not jump on the first woman to open her legs, because it's not usually that woman that is the whole package. She is handling/NOT HANDLING a lot of issues right now, you are giving her a reason to avoid taking care of her problems. She clearly isn't that well put together and she needs to realize these things ON HER OWN. I am not a guy, but I don't care how great the sex was, it wouldn't make up for the rest of this stuff. You have to love yourself first, respect yourself. |
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 Originally Posted by heartbrokeninsa
I also think you need to know when to back way off and call time. I think I dated your gf's older sister a dozen years ago. We dated six years. Six. Big Love. Big deal. When life was good, it was great. But the absolute chaos and uncertainty that shed bring to the relationship made the ground crumble. I spent almost two years of that relationship trying to moderate, to pacify, to do whatever it took to make her happy. Big, big, big mistake. I've loved two women I just couldn't be with. I'm sure a few of my loves would say the same about me. Four breakups in a year is telling. This relationship is done. It is done. As is, it won't last. The ONLY way it isn't done is to step back, get the hell away from each other, and then, maybe, someday get together when issues are resolved. And that doesn't mean you miss each other or are lonely... that means whatever issues are at hand are resolved, buried, left in the past. I cannot speak for her. I don't have her side of the story. But I am wondering if she's at that edge where she doesn't want to leave the comfort of the familiar, but also has issues with this relationship, or even being tied down in a relationship, that aren't being addressed in a positive manner. I loved that girl, but she had some issues that I could no longer deal with. I didn't toss her to the curb. I pulled her back in over and over and over... and she kept choosing to leave me. Eventually I had to let her do exactly that. Thank god. |
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That being said... when I leave her alone to solve her problems, and then she finds out that she really does want me back... I don't believe that I would take her back. Especially if she had played the field... so once I go, it will be a done deal. The advice I'm getting seems to point toward that outcome. Is that the case? |
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kp2171:
I cannot speak for her. I don't have her side of the story. But I am wondering if she's at that edge where she doesn't want to leave the comfort of the familiar, but also has issues with this relationship, or even being tied down in a relationship, that aren't being addressed in a positive manner. This is dead on... I feel that she doesn't know what she wants. She loves me but wants to go out with her friends. When she's out, she wants to be alone with me... etc. I knew her when she wasn't this crazy and that's why is so confusing to me... 4 years is a long time... I can't imagine 6 years for you. Anyway... any other comment would be helpful. |
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Justwantfair... You need perspective that only space will give you, you will probably find, without the loving clouded judgement, that you no longer want to be involved in this rolle r coaster. That PART is true enough... during our minibreakups... I told myself that I don't NEED this kind of abuse. I realized that I don't want to be on this rollercoaster... but every time... I get suckered back in it. She becomes the most loving person ever and is super sweet to me... gives me sex on demand... etc... And being greedy... wanting my cake and eat it too... I wind up here! >: |
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Well... so she wants to go out with her friends and that causes tension... and then she wants to be with you, but flips out?
I really think, based only on my personal exp, that she likes you and loves you... but the relationship has probably run its course. Its absolutely possible to have a great relationship not meant for all time, but meant for some time... and maybe that time has come and gone. I don't know. I don't like projecting my experiences on other and saying This Is How It Is... I had a couple of crash and burn relationships and they each had their own unique weaknesses or areas of destructive interference. I guess my point is don't feel guilty if you step back. You might think that it'll crush her... but maybe she actually needs that, just as you might. It sucked ending that six year relationship. She honestly was a great friend, a good lover, on and on... but I let it drag on until all that was left was anger and frustration on all sides. Again... four times in a year is pretty telling. Something isn't right, and it isn't working. She doesn't get to threaten you over and over with leaving, and you don't get to accept her back over and over and expect anything different. You get the respect you demand for yourself, and sometimes you don't even get that. She can love you and be wrong for you. You can love her and need to break it off. Been there, done that. Wish I had some silver lining other than saying ending a relationship when its time to end it is worth it, in the long run. Short term, it sucks. All kinds of mind games to work through. But seriously... unless you can figure out where you two keep going wrong and find some common ground... nothing is fixed, and it isn't right. |
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