What to do with my girlfriend?

heartbrokeninsa · Feb 17, 2009, 12:05 PM

Hi everyone... I have seen the advice on this website and it has helped tremendously. But here's a new one for you... at least I think it is.

My GF is very moody. I think she might be bipolar. In any case, we have a great time when we are together but last night we went on the town and she blew up at me, saying that I was acting like a child and that she wants an adult in her life. (we were drinking and I had too much) hell, I was having fun... but she didn't want any of that and consequently, started saying mean things to me until finally, we went back to our hotel.

Now we have been in this relationship for 4 years now and it has been up and down... to the extremes!

In any case, she like all women... if I can generalize, holds grudges and now 4 days later, she is giving me the cold shoulder... not even responding to my text or wanting me to spend the night with her.

What should I do?

Should I "act like a man" and have no contact with her until she initiates? It is soooo hard for me NOT to text her. We both love each other but damnit... this is some bs. I hate that she is so moody.

ANY comments would help me greatly! Thankx

Rob.

Justwantfair · Feb 17, 2009, 12:11 PM

Originally Posted by heartbrokeninsa

In any case, she like all women....if i can generalize, holds grudges and now 4 days later, she is giving me the cold shoulder...not even responding to my text or wanting me to spend the night with her.

You probably shouldn't generalize as this doesn't sound like the behaviors of EVERY or even a majority of women, but it is routine for YOUR woman.

It sounds like to me, she knows this behaviors will get her way and that is probably all she is really concerned about.

The emotional rollercoaster relationship IS NOT healthy and you should evaluate why you would disrespect yourself enough to be in this type of relationship.

I would begin NO CONTACT immediately, without the expectation that you want her to come back to you.

heartbrokeninsa · Feb 17, 2009, 12:20 PM

Thnkx for the input!

Ill tell you why I want her... she ing BEAUTIFUL and the best SEX I've ever had... as well as being in love with her... etc. she just does it for me and THAT is so hard to let go of... at this point, I'm sure that there are some great women out there but I don't know where to find them!

Even so, what is she trying to accomplish with NC from me? I mean people, if I keep textin her, then there's the possibility that I will be able to sleep with her soon... u know what I mean? If I don't, and she gets even more pissed and leaves me, then I'm out cold! Help!

Justwantfair · Feb 17, 2009, 12:21 PM

How old are you?

kctiger · Feb 17, 2009, 12:21 PM

Originally Posted by heartbrokeninsa

thnkx for the input!

ill tell you why i want her.....she ing BEAUTIFUL and the best SEX ive ever had....as well as being in love with her...etc. she just does it for me and THAT is so hard to let go of....at this point, im sure that there are some great women out there but i dont know where to find them!

even so, what is she trying to accomplish with NC from me? i mean people, if i keep textin her, then theres the possiblity that i will be able to sleep with her soon...u know what i mean? if i dont, and she gets even more pissed and leaves me, then im out cold! help!

Everything seems like the best thing ever when you are in love... also, it seems to me are are putting way too much emphasis on sex. Is there anything else that hooks you to her?

heartbrokeninsa · Feb 17, 2009, 01:03 PM

Well, yeah we have fun when there is no drama. Im pretty easy going but she's the one that always has issues. When SHE is doing good, then I am to. As far as sex goes, HELLyeah!! I put a lot of emphasis on it. My previous gf's never had the libido that I did and this woman does... so do I wait to hear from her or do I text her?

Justwantfair · Feb 17, 2009, 01:06 PM

If sex is more important than a healthy relationship and future than you should text her right away. Just remember this thread when you are upset about her moodiness again. You have already determined that sex is the most important aspect to your relationship.

heartbrokeninsa · Feb 17, 2009, 01:10 PM

How does making sex as an important part of the relationship, if not the most, influence a healthy and future relationship? I mean, I can't control how moody she is and what she is going to do. I have done everything possible, including humiliating myself so that she can "win" her points in arguments but she is so hard to please! I wonder if she just doesn't know how to deal with conflict in a relationship? Help please...

Justwantfair · Feb 17, 2009, 01:15 PM

Sex is an important part of a relationship, but it does not make a relationship healthy. If you believe that the problem is that she may be bipolar then I would talk to her about the possibility of visiting a doctor/psychiatrist.

heartbrokeninsa · Feb 17, 2009, 01:18 PM

Yes I have but she can't afford the meds... AND she is a big drinker to boot. She's not an alkie but she seems to always have a drink in her hand. Ive known this all along but I just want to know if she is just trying to "punish" me by not texting me or if she really wants to break up! This woman is loving one day and then horrific the next... I just can't leave her because I do love her.

Justwantfair · Feb 17, 2009, 01:22 PM

She told you she wants to break up. Sounds like you two are well into a game relationship, but I don't think it sounds like a game. Sounds like an it's over.

heartbrokeninsa · Feb 17, 2009, 01:30 PM

Interesting perspective.

Well, we have "broken up" 4 times in the past year... it was always her doing it. Then, she has NC... and then she emails me or texts me and then we are back together.

So now, she hasn't told me that she wants to leave me THIS time, but she is not responding to my texts.

Consequently I don't know what to do.

To text her, or not... or "man up" and let her come to me...

kctiger · Feb 17, 2009, 01:32 PM

Originally Posted by heartbrokeninsa

interesting perspective.

well, we have "broken up" 4 times in the past year.....it was always her doing it. then, she has NC ....and then she emails me or texts me and then we are back together.

so now, she hasnt told me that she wants to leave me THIS time, but she is not responding to my texts.

consequently i dont know what to do.

to text her, or not....or "man up" and let her come to me......

And if she does "come to you?" What does that change? She clearly has issues that she needs to work on, and frankly, her being in a relationship WILL NOT help her with these issues. You are doomed to continue this same pattern as long as she isn't working on her own self.

Justwantfair · Feb 17, 2009, 01:34 PM

I think you are inevitable putting off facing a doomed relationship, maybe not this time, maybe not the next time, but this back and forth - on and off, is NOT healthy for either of you, just depends on who figures that out first.

heartbrokeninsa · Feb 17, 2009, 01:38 PM

Thank you for that... but shouldn't I "stick it out?" I mean I do love her so doesn't that mean I should support her or to be there for her while she is going through these issues? Or do I just cut bait... it sounds so harsh and uncaring. If she does "come to me" then, doesn't that mean that she still wants me too?

heartbrokeninsa · Feb 17, 2009, 01:40 PM

Justwantfair...

How is this a doomed relationship? If I figure it out first and leave, then so be it but don't ALL relationships go through a ROCKY period before settling? U see what I mean?

kctiger · Feb 17, 2009, 01:41 PM

This isn't a "rocky" period. No one breaks up with someone 4 freaking times! That is unstable, and speaks to her mental condition. She needs to fix her issues, otherwise NO relationship she EVER has will work.

Justwantfair · Feb 17, 2009, 01:42 PM

Originally Posted by heartbrokeninsa

thank you for that....but shouldnt i "stick it out?" i mean i do love her so doesnt that mean i should support her or to be there for her while she is going through these issues? or do i just cut bait...it sounds so harsh and uncaring. if she does "come to me" then, doesnt that mean that she still wants me too?

You do not "stick it out" when it comes to disrespecting yourself and being in a relationship that is unhealthy. She has to want to change and you have already said that she isn't taking the prescription and she puts drinking ahead of her health.

When she "comes to you" she doesn't want you, she just doesn't want to be alone. Her own issue, that is not love.

heartbrokeninsa · Feb 17, 2009, 01:54 PM

WOW! What an eyeopener both of you said!!

I'm going to think about all that. Its so hard guys... I really do love her and she loves me... and yes the relationship is VERY unstable but not from my doing. She is the one that is making it that way. I guess ill take your advice both of yours... and try to go with it.

I won't text her tonight, but here's my question to both of you now: what if she texts me? Then what?! I want to see her still, so then do I tell her that she needs to stop this BS once and for all? And if she doesn't then I'm history?

Justwantfair · Feb 17, 2009, 02:14 PM

If she texts you IGNORE IT. You may still want to be with her, but she has to figure stuff out on her own and you need perceptive to see the relationship without the clouded judgement of loving her. You can tell her to stop, but she HAS TO see it on her own, if she doesn't she can't fix the problem. Back off, give her space and time to grow up.

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