[beach_boys]

Hello Im new to this website.

I am dating with this girl and its not working. Soon its going to end. How do I cope with this?
Im already suffereing from depression and self esteem issues.

At this point happiness feels like HAPPINESS and sorrow feels like SORROW.. All emotions feel like its blown out of proportion.

Should just not date because its going to hurt me anyway?

[Jake2008]

Hello Im new to this website.

I am dating with this girl and its not working. Soon its going to end. How do I cope with this?
Im already suffereing from depression and self esteem issues.

At this point happiness feels like HAPPINESS and sorrow feels like SORROW.. All emotions feel like its blown out of proportion.

Should just not date because its going to hurt me anyways?

You don't say how old you are, or if this has been a serious relationship for some time, or if this is your first love.

Why is it not working, and how do you know it is going to end soon; are you planning on ending it? Is she telling you she is going to end it?

Could the upcoming end have anything to do with your intense emotions, and/or depression and lack of self esteem? Or are these emotions in addition to them, making things worse.

A few more details would be helpful, to offer better advice.

[Choux]

In order to be healthy, you have to live life with all the emotional ups and downs... not try to control or twist your emotions into what they are not. When you are suffering a loss, cry. When you are enjoying a great relationship, appreciate this paradise. :) We human beings cannot insulate ourselves from life's vicissitudes.

Be sure to have a well balanced life... lots of activities sports, hobbies, friends, altruistic endeavors... so that when a loss comes, you are not destroyed.

Best wishes, :)

[beach_boys]

You don't say how old you are, or if this has been a serious relationship for some time, or if this is your first love.

Why is it not working, and how do you know it is going to end soon; are you planning on ending it? Is she telling you she is going to end it?

Could the upcoming end have anything to do with your intense emotions, and/or depression and lack of self esteem? Or are these emotions in addition to them, making things worse.

A few more details would be helpful, to offer better advice.

Im 23 years old. This my second relationship. Its only been going on for about a month and a half. I have always had low self esteem and some depression and therefore haven't been good in the field of dating. Hence, like the previous [first] experience I think this relationship is not going to work. Im not sure how to handle my emotions on this and I fear that I might quit meeting people in fear of this happening over and over again.

[Jake2008]

One of the bigger issues here is, is anticipating failure. If you don't think it is going to work, you have already started a process of separation from your girlfriend, but, you are still not separated. That is not a good place to be.

Any relationship that ends has a grieving process. Whether it be death, divorce, a breakup, loss of a frienship, etc.

Part of that process is starting with, the relationship is over. It takes time to work through the natural human reactions and emotions to come to terms with it. One of the biggest problems people make in my opinion, with a relationship, is looking to fill the void with a new relationship, before the old one has been dealt with. I personally think that is why people quickly get into new relationships with essentially the same type of person, and have many relationships, with none of them being successful for any length of time.

Think of the last time a loved one died. Disbelief, shock, anger, depression, reflection, and then eventually acceptance. It is no different for a relationship. You can't ignore any of the steps.

The second thing I see here is the depression and self esteem issues. Is it because of the relationship? Or is it more leftover emotions from the last relationship, and anticipating the worst with this one. If the relationship itself is causing those issues for you, that is a reason to end it, but these are emotions you go into a relationship with, then you may want to talk to a counsellor, or see your doctor, or both. Being in a constant state of depression and self esteem problems, will factor heavily into having, or developing any successful relationship.

That being said, you will probably go through this again, and if you learn to recognize that the feelings and emotions are what come naturally from a failed relationship, then it will make you all the wiser for the next one. Relationships fail, and that not necessarily a bad thing, if it helps you along the path to finding a compatible mate down the road, because you have an understanding of what went wrong and why.

Losing someone can be a horrible blow, no getting around that, that's just life. As hard as it is, you have an opportunity here to turn a negative into a positive, and be all the wiser the next time you meet someone. You can't avoid it, it is always a potential 'risk' when you start a new relationship, but to NOT have a relationship because you fear the aftermath, will get you nowhere.

Use that period between relationships to go through the process of coming to terms with the past, and having a clear slate and the confidence to try again, without lingering emotional baggage. Think of the end of the current relationship, as a new beginning for a new relationship down the road.