[Idrees]

Hi, I am very much confused. I am engaged to a girl who is a very nice, intelligent, down to earth person. Her family is also very nice. I am engaged to her. I am afraid whether I'll be able to become a good husband or not. In our society a breakup is considered something very bad and harmful especially for a girl. This is an arranged engagement not love. I don't know whether I'll be able to love her or not. It is said that in arrange marriages love comes after marriage. My family is asking me to answer in 1 or 2 days whether I like her or not, I should answer in yes or no so that we'll have a breakup or not. Breakup is something very bad in our society as relatives start saying whether there is something wrong with the girl. I myself am not something very precious. I don't know what to do. It is very bad to have a breakup. A friend of mine said that I'll be able to love her as soon as I'll have interaction with her, which girl's parents are trying to stop. Please tell me what to do. I've talked to her just once in the begnning when we first went to their home. I asked 3 or 4 questions from her and that is it. I did a process called Istakhara according to my religion in which God answers in dream. According to this process God answered in my dream that this is a right decision to marry her. God knows everything, he knows better, but I don't know why my mind is still doubtful. I should stick with what God answered and should be happy which I am not. I want to be happy because of this engagement. Because of me my whole family is very upset. Tell me whether I'll be able to accept her and love her? Will I be able to become a good husband or I'll become a bad husband. Please answer soon :confused:

[Reuben_El_Popo]

Well, I can't give you advice from the point of view of a married man, or a man in any significant relationship to speak of, but I can give you advice from the point of view of a friend.

First of all, movie actresses are fake. Don't even make the connection. Would you compare your girlfriend/fiance to, say, Arwen from Lord of the Rings? Of course not! There's a difference between fiction and reality. Living in America, I don't know know the details about what's expected of you, or of your fiancé, but as an American I'd tell you to sit down and take some deep breaths. Ask yourself why it is you don't love her. Realize that you might have some very valid reasons. If you can't find any other than the comparison the fake movie models, you're probably just nervous.

I'd like to restate that I know very little on the subject, but this should be able to help you out until someone more knowledgeable can respond.

Take it easy man

[Dare81]

I don't know about this. If you don't find her attractive don't marry her.There has to be some kind of physical attraction in a marriage especially in a arranged marriage
It doesn't matter if everyone else find her physically attractive,
You are the one getting married so yours is the only opinion that counts here.
Judging from your question you are either from Pakistan or India, and its not that big of a deal to break of an engagement, it would be worse to break off a marriage.

As for the Isthakara , try doing it again or have an elder in your family do it.