[cjeep23]

Listen man, I have been in this situation. I met a girl was madly in love with her. Then all the sudden she changed and started hurting me on a regular basis. Long story short, we broke up she moved away. I was devistated, started drinking too much, and couldn't understand why she did it. And I like you thought well in a couple of years we will bump into each other and she will realize what she gave up. But its not worth it. You need to step totally away from the situation, and do whatever you have to do to get over her as soon as possible. Once I was over her and started getting my act back together, I met the real love of my life. We are now married, have a home together, and have two beautiful kids. And we are absolutely crazy about each other to this day. Quit sulking and get over her, you will find something fantastic someday!

[Some1HelpPlz]

Have you ever heard of the phrase: One day at a time? Allot of support groups use that phrase to cope with the problems that we all have on a daily basis. Survive today, today, Survive tomorrow that day, and so on.

In my own experience, I had my heart broken and strung along for the sake of my ex not feeling guilty about hurting me. After reading this post that's what seems to be happening to you.

Anyway, I went NC and bumped into her a few years later. To my surprise, instead of being excited to see her at the mall, I ducked into the first store I could to avoid her. I didn't want to hear how great her life was now, etc, etc.

If you can learn anything from this is, you will notice the warning signs in the future and try to stop it before it gets out of control, as I am right now. Take care and go NC before you get too deep in the friends zone, and she starts talking about new guys that she meets.

[artlady]

I gotta admit though, this would be much easier to handle if all of my friends hadn't pretty much moved away just before this break up too. My four best friends all had to head back to college and now it kinda feels like I'm all alone.

Hate to whine, but it helps to let this stuff out.

Alone is good!
Alone is a time to reflect on the 300 plus suggestions you have gotten here.Find one that fits for you.

You are dwelling instead of doing,that will get you no where.You will be in the same funk a month from now.

Get off the woe is me pity pot and get on with your life.

Only you can make a difference in how you feel.

Get out,get some exercise,make new friends and see this as the learning experience is is.

Volunteer your time here,clearly your experience is worth something and you might be able to spare someone else what you went through.

Do something other than dwelling on what you don't have,concentrate on what you do have and suck it up!! You can do it!

[Romefalls19]

If this world doesn't take your hand, it will only knock you down. If you won't pick yourself up, maybe you don't belong on your feet.

[Gearhe4d]

So.. Valentine's Day tomorrow. I was thinking of getting her something, nothing big, just maybe a rose and homemade card or soemthing that just says I'm still thinking aobut her.. not sure if this is a bad idea or not, any advice on that?

Should I just leave her be?

[Empty Cans]

Save yourself the heartache Gear. It won't do you any good... especially when it turns out that she hasn't got anything for you. I got my ex a really nice Christmas card and a nice gift... what did I get? Nothing. She "didn't have time" to get me anything or even write me a card.

LEAVE HER BE! No good can come of it at all. She already knows you are thinking about her. It will send her a stronger message if you get her nothing.

[UnluckyDucky]

Not to downplay the situation here, but I find myself reminded of Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka when I read this. If you've never seen the movie, his character constantly tells the various kids to not mess around and get into trouble, but they do anyway...

Mike Teevee: Look at me. I'm going to be the first person in the world to be sent by television.
Mrs. Teevee: Mike, get away from that thing.
Willy Wonka: [unenthusiastically] Stop. Don't. Come back.

Gear, you got to stop doing this to yourself. You're the only one preventing yourself from moving on and healing. You have to accept the fact that she's made a decision - and that decision doesn't include you.

Many of us here have been in this same boat but we've learned to accept the situation and move on. Leave her alone. Don't get her a single thing.

[Dare81]

So.. Valentine's Day tomorrow. I was thinking of getting her something, nothing big, just maybe a rose and homemade card or soemthing that just says I'm still thinking aobut her.. not sure if this is a bad idea or not, any advice on that?

Should I just leave her be?

She already knows that you are thinking about her.Your actions have made that evidently clear.Dont send her anything.She broke up with you,meaning she didn't want you in her life.GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS!

[zeeniee]

Gearhe4d,
What can I say: NO DO NOT BUY HER ANYTHING.

She will not appreciate it, value it and will probably throw it in the bin or something... what a waste of money and effort from you...

Remember she is with someone- HE will be getting her the V gift and probably be spending the V DAY with her!!!

I think you should go and buy something nice for YOU- When was the last time you did that for YOU?

OR if you don't feel like getting anything for you and really want to waste money- then maybe you should get us all (all the folks that replied to your post) a present!

[Jane Smit]

Listen to zeeniee: He's right, your out of the picture and buy for yourself. It really won't
Hurt you.

[Gearhe4d]

Save your self the heartache Gear. It won't do you any good...especially when it turns out that she hasn't got anything for you. I got my ex a really nice Christmas card and a nice gift....what did I get? Nothing. She "didn't have time" to get me anything or even write me a card.

LEAVE HER BE! No good can come of it at all. She already knows you are thinking about her. It will send her a stronger message if you get her nothing.

All right, since basically everyone said not to, I'm not getting her anything, I'm just curious what you mean about it being a "stronger" message that way?

Thanks for the help again.

[heartbroke]

Im in the same boat as you gearhead, my girl broke up with me 3 weeks ago. Its still painful. Ive been trying to go NC, but shell text me every once in a while. Ill get drunk and try to call her or show up at her house, only to freak her out. My ex needed the space to stop partying and focus on her and her son, but still continues to live the life we did. Ive pissed her off to the point of no return, but who knows? Maybe she will come back, but until then I'm trying to move on. We were moving away together, looked at engagement rings and she stopped taking her because pills, talking about another child. She's 28 this year ill be 26. I was the nice guy just like you and smothered her just like you. She felt "we spent too much time together. She lost her job and I lost mine, she's losing her house and has a 10 year old. The next thing she got rid of in her life was me! She told me I was too nice, and that we wanted different things. Of all the f---king holidays to be broken up V day is today and were alone. My girl was beautiful, she had the body of a porn star, fake breasts, 27 inch waist and a j lo butt, she was perfect, but also had these isssues, I know it hurts to watch them suffer and deny help. Entering back in her life will only push her away. Trust me I've done it, for the past 2 weeks. Were nice guys, before you know it they will realize what they are missing. Its up to you whether you want to be with her again after she's hurt you like this.

[Empty Cans]

Alright, since basically everyone said not to, I'm not getting her anything, I'm just curious what you mean about it being a "stronger" message that way?

Thanks for the help again.

Well the way I see it, she was probably expecting you to get something for her, because of the way you've been acting since the break up. So when you don't get her anything, she will probably be surprised and wonder why... and maybe wonder if you are moving on, or if you got someone else a Valentines gift.

Not that that really changes anything, its not going to make her get those feelings back. But people want what they can''t have... as I have said before, if you ever want her back, you first need to focus on yourself, better yourself, and move on. The more you pine for her, give her gifts, keep on talking to her, the more its just going to push her away.

That's where I am at now... god how I wanted to send her a valentines text yesterday, or just call to catch up. But its not going to do any good... in fact its just going to make it all worse and kill off any chance of a reconcilliation down the track. It might happen one day, but there is a lot of water to go under the bridge before that ever happens. At that applies to your situation too.

Accept that its most likely over for ever... of course there's a chance one day down the track, but its not something that you can wait for, its just something that will have sort itself out on its own.

You can't hold on to a person against their will. They have to be with you because they want to be. Sometimes a person has to feel freedom for awhile, but then they will look around and say to themselves, "I had it much better with him and I miss him." Then they will be with you willing, and loving it, instead of feeling manipulated, if you had forced them to stay with you and not let them go. If they never return it gives you a chance to start fresh with someone who will appreciate and love you for who you are.

[Gearhe4d]

It's official, I've been replaced.
She's now together with that guy friend of hers.

I've reached a new low of sadness this morning.

[kctiger]

No worries man. I know how it feels. You HAVE NOT been replaced. No one can take your place, seriously. Don't look at it like that. I know it hurts, and I am sorry you found this out. I KNOW it sucks... but, you can only go up from here. That is the good news.

[Empty Cans]

I know how you feel man... have been where you are. I know you have been reluctant to do it... but use this as the motivation to just swallow your pride, take your dignity, and cut her out of your life. This should be enough to knock her off her pedestal.

Cut her out to remove yourself from the pain. What you don't know can't hurt you. And believe me, you don't want to know.

But as KC said... its only up from here. Have a read through my thread... I'm still hurting, but I'm much better, and beginning to have fun again... there are plenty of hot single girls out there... might take a while for you to be ready... but you will get there.

Go and watch the movie "Swingers" with Vince Vaughn in it... its a great move for guys going through all this breakup BS.

Keep your chin up mate. It will all be OK.

[heartbroke]

Only a matter of time for me to be in that same position. I was doing good for a week, then I went back to square one. And will hate the day I see or hear her with someone else.

[Gearhe4d]

I guess it really is true about the whole "ignorance is bliss" thing.

Funny how, in my head, I'm still trying to figure out a way to get her back even knowing that there isn't any hope in that. Sort of an interesting feeling, knowing that she is now doing all of the cute little things she used to do for me, for some other guy now, and I'm still infatuated with her.

Dosen't it seem more logical for me to hate her right now or something? Or at least not want to talk to her, or see her?

Why do I feel completely the opposite? I usually don't want to be around people that aren't interested in me, or would much rather be around people other than me. I don't like how I've sort of become this idiot who feels like he needs to be around a particular person now.

[UnluckyDucky]

We experience a wide range emotions going through a breakup, and not necessarily all in the same order as others so this is normal.

Its also normal to want to be with someone that we've had a bond with. This is similar to losing a loved one, a pet, etc. There's an emotional attachment component that you simply can't just turn off at will - but time can and will lessen the intensity of these feelings.

I went through similar thoughts myself until I finally truly accepted my ex's decision. I even toyed with the idea of her getting back with me - I think when we're put in this situation we all do. The important step now is to keep moving forward. We have to accept that we must live our lives without them. We had a life before them, did we not?

[what to do what]

Its over man sorry try to win her back give her a pet or something