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h0llister · Jan 20, 2009, 08:40 PM

Hello, I have met a new guy and we have been seeing each other for awhile but he does bring his ex up a lot, (he broke up with her in July) but he always says she's such a horrible person, she cheated lied and everything.. But I don't understand why he does.. he says he's over her and she's a bad person. But why do you guys think he still talks about her to me??

(Also we are dating for sure.)

itried · Jan 20, 2009, 08:46 PM

Because he's not over her.

jmw0713 · Jan 20, 2009, 08:48 PM

Deep down he is not 100% over her. He is probably afraid that if he said that he wasn't completely over her, you would run away. Take everything slow. The more memories you make with him, the less he will remember her.

Just remember... don't be blinded by love. Keep an eye out for red flags. This could be a serious red flag, especially if his ex comes back in the picture.

liz28 · Jan 20, 2009, 08:52 PM

I would proceed with caution or maybe not. If this guy is always bringing up his ex he might not be over her or might can't get over the things she done to him.

However, dating is about getting to know each other but how can you get to know truly and try to form something with him if he keeps talking about her.

I would take this issue up with him and let him know how your feeling. I mean you get that he was done wrong by his ex but how many times he's going bring up the issue?

h0llister · Jan 20, 2009, 08:57 PM

I did ask him tonight if he was over her and he said yes for sure and for me not to worry. I know I don't want to be talking about my ex cause he treated me back too ( as most of you know lol) but who knows :S

shamika · Jan 20, 2009, 08:57 PM

I think when he keeps bringing her up like that, it's because he starts thinking about her abd he's trying to remind himself why he left her in the first place. But I would let him vent and I would listen but I would also let him know OKAY NOW it's getting old you've gotten it off your chest now let it go.And reassure him that she's not thinking about him and move on or you will have to.

h0llister · Jan 20, 2009, 08:59 PM

Also before he says anything he says he hates bringing up ex's because there in the past and he liked to keep them out of his life and then he goes on and on

jmw0713 · Jan 20, 2009, 09:04 PM

Maybe that was his first serious relationship. Some of the things you two may do together may be stirring his memories and emotions of the past.

Don't allow him to compare you with her, whatever you do. That would not be fair to you at all.

h0llister · Jan 20, 2009, 09:05 PM

He actually 28 and I'm 20 but this was his 4th relationship and it only lasted 7months

itried · Jan 20, 2009, 09:06 PM

He's trying to convince himself that he is over her. Maybe he is. Probably he isn't.

If I were you I would be a little wary of him. I'm sure his intentions are good, but still, if he's in the frame of mind where his ex still has an impact on his conversations with you then she is still on his mind. Maybe it will work out between you two despite this. But I would say that his judgement is clouded at the moment. He may be rebounding with you, and once his ex is finally off his mind who knows what he'll think of you. I don't think it's a good idea to start a relationship before your mind has been purged of everything ex-related.

zeeniee · Jan 21, 2009, 03:58 AM

It looks like he has not completely got over his ex. The best thing to do is to slow the relationship as much as you can and take small steps and judge the situation as you go along. It meaybe he just needs to get it all off his chest and so he feels free and happy with you, or it could be he is still thinkingof her and what happened etc...

talaniman · Jan 21, 2009, 08:25 AM

He ain't over her yet, be careful of being a rebound, to replace what he lost.

I don't think his actions match his words do you? I sure would get carried away with this guy at all.

odilians10 · Jan 21, 2009, 08:39 AM

iif he says he's over her, then u should trust him, he might have anger towards her but that does not mean he will go back to her..

Romefalls19 · Jan 21, 2009, 08:43 AM

Be careful of the rebound curse, he might not think of you as one but you might fall into that category if you don't watch his behavior and words.

h0llister · Feb 15, 2009, 10:15 AM

OK I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months and we had valentines day planned for the last week (dinner&movie etc.). Then on Friday he calls me and says oh I can't do anything on V-day because my work just called to see if I can work and I said yes... But we can do breakfast. So already I was upset but I agreed OK breakfast..

(warning: ( I did tell him how much I like valentines day)

...

Valentines Day..

He picks me up for breakfast, complains about the restaurant then we eat.. The bill comes.. he tells me he wants me to pay because he bought MacDonalds ( the last time we hungout) (MACDONALDS:eek: ) anyway to avoid an argument I paid the bill on V-day! Then he drives me home and says happpy valentines day.

...

...

That's ALL!! No rose no card ,NADA! I've been ignoring his calls lately but he thinks everything is alll fine and wants to hangout tonight.. you think I should dump his $%#$? Lol

Homegirl 50 · Feb 15, 2009, 10:20 AM

How many times do you need to be treated poorly before you get a clue? The first time, you're a victim, after that you volunteer and permit it.
Dump him.

talaniman · Feb 15, 2009, 10:26 AM

Don't put up with cheap tacky behavior. For sure don't get hopes up for this loser.

These are the types of people that you disappear from their lives and let them wonder "what happened"?

h0llister · Feb 15, 2009, 10:47 AM

Lol I know what's a good way to dump him? Because he obviously is oblivious to the situation lol

Homegirl 50 · Feb 15, 2009, 10:51 AM

There is no good way to dump. Do you want to be rid of him, or do you just want to get back at him? Trying to get back at someone like that does no good. He probably does not even care.
He is clueless because you have always permitted him to treat you like crap.
Call him and tell him that you no longer want to see him and then be done with it.

h0llister · Feb 15, 2009, 11:07 AM

OK thank you :)