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yikes · Feb 12, 2009, 05:06 PM

10 days I inquired about my boyfriends disposition because he changed from a loving gentle sweet thoughtful pleasant person into a sad quiet individual just lying on the couch.

I asked "Babe are you ok?". You seem different, distant are we OK. He responded yes we are fine. The distance started two days prior so I asked him if was seeing anyone else and he said no. But I felt the need to ask again and he said no I am only seeing you but he does not know how long that will last?

He has never been married at 45 so I asked do you ever see yourself committing to a women and getting married. He did not answer the question so I proceeded with I need to ask you a question, but I do not know how to ask it and I do not want to insult you. I told him you know my job entails reading people's body language and I am just trying to protect myself "Should I be concerned or worried about anything?" I told him that I really care about him and don't see myself dating or sleeping with another because he is who I think about.

Holy Cow, he blew up and yelled "Are you questioning my sexuality? I do not want to talk about my feelings with you, I am not a girl. His voice getting louder as he spoke. Just because you are not the one (first time I heard this) does that automatically mean there is something wrong with me. You women are all the same. (What does that mean?)

He said I am not going to take this I am out of here. Yelling he told me, Mam get out of my way. Yes he called me mam and he left.

We had been seeing each other weekly for 4.5 months. Dating hanging out and having incredible sex weekly. It is bazaar. I haven't seen or heard from him since. It's been 10 days. He totally freaked out and freaked me out. I thought he would throw my aside if I did not move so I let him go. I miss him, but the incident was the 1st time I had seen this demon personality and I am afraid to even call. I thought I would just let him get over the anger and perhaps he will call me calms down. But what if he never calls?

Will I ever know the answer? I really like him and enjoy being with him but I know I can survive the breakup because the personality change was frightening. Could he really be bisexual? I felt like I was having a relationship with my best friend. He was so cute I felt comfortable and connected to him because he seemed so sweet charming and he commented a lot on my clothes, home decoration, manicures and my hair. Too cute and in touch with me. I liked it and the sex was totally amazing.

Do I just wait it out or should I contact him to see if he wants to talk in a public place?

smoothy · Feb 12, 2009, 05:17 PM

And you told him exactly what you put in this thread. Right? Because if you didn't spell out asking if he might be fooling around with guys that would be a really odd assumption for him to take.. ( normally a guy would assume you meant another woman)... if you did mention another guy then a lot of straight guys would be highly offended by it and react that way.

Something else that is important, do you remember the tone you made these questions?

yikes · Feb 12, 2009, 05:25 PM

I was calm but persistent and gentle. I really like him and was becoming attached and possibly seeing a future together. I purposely did not mention a gender or sexual acts etc. I intentionally asked open ended questions to see what was on his mind and I did not want to offend him. Because he is extremely sensitive and moody.

Xrayman · Feb 12, 2009, 05:37 PM

I would say that the response he gave puts me in the mind that he is definitely questioning his sexuality-he is bisexual at least-it sounds a little too strange for such an outburst from a run-of-the-mill guy (hetrosexual).

smoothy · Feb 13, 2009, 07:03 AM

Originally Posted by yikes

I was calm but persistent and gentle. I really like him and was becoming attached and possibly seeing a future together. I purposely did not mention a gender or sexual acts etc. I intentionally asked open ended questions to see what was on his mind and I did not want to offend him. Because he is extremely sensitive and moody.

OK, because that makes a huge difference about what a normal response might be...

There is at least something going on there ( like Xrayman mentioned) where he might be unsure of his sexuality if he reacts like that to a simple nicely put question.

slapshot_oi · Feb 13, 2009, 08:59 AM

Originally Posted by yikes

Because he is extremely sensitive and moody.

So clearly, something is bothering him.

People get defensive when they're lying because they have excuses and statements prepared beforehand.

neverme · Feb 13, 2009, 09:04 AM

It sounds to me like he just wanted an out.

He may or may not be bisexual but whether he is or not is no longer any of your concern. He's a manipulator and not worth your time.

Ren6 · Feb 13, 2009, 01:56 PM

I have a couple of thoughts... first, I don't understand where the "bi" thing comes up, especially since you reported that you had been having "fantastic" sex. It seems more likely to me that he might be seeing somebody else. The other thing is that after 4.5 months of dating, he may not enjoy being put on the spot for marriage and commitment. If I were you, I would not get back together with him. Who needs moody and cranky?

yikes · Feb 13, 2009, 04:38 PM

Thank you all for your comments. They are appreciated.

I have decided to let this situation pass without further ado and move on...

I was not looking for a commitment just comments on what appeared to be unusual behavior.

Quite frankly it could be as simple as he is just not that interested in a relationship with me. It's just not worth any more of my time or energy anyone else' consideration. Thank you

Ash123 · Feb 13, 2009, 06:57 PM

Yes, move on.

Choux · Feb 14, 2009, 03:17 PM

My opinion is that you are a very creepy girl, yikes. Your attack on his manliness was pure manipulation and very intrusive. Any man worth anything would have run away from you and fast!

Good Luck to you in the future, :)

twinkiedooter · Feb 14, 2009, 04:13 PM

Usually any man who has reached 45 years old and not married (at least once) there is definitely a gender problem afoot. I always questioned any man that old and not having been married. You say he was good looking, etc and had wonderful sex? Possibly a bi and you pinned him to the barn door. The comment about "you're not the one" kind of makes me wonder... one what? He seems to want more out of a woman and somehow can't find a real live woman to measure up to his fantasy world woman. Better off without him as those kind don't get married or make any kind of permanent commitment either.

Ash123 · Feb 14, 2009, 05:51 PM

Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

Usually any man who has reached 45 years old and not married (at least once) there is definitely a gender problem afoot. I always questioned any man that old and not having been married. You say he was good looking, etc and had wonderful sex? Quite possibly a bi and you pinned him to the barn door. The comment about "you're not the one" kinda makes me wonder... one what? He seems to want more out of a woman and somehow can't find a real live woman to measure up to his fantasy world woman. Better off without him as those kind don't get married or make any kind of permanent commitment either.

Hmmmmm.

I am not sure I agree there "Twink" -

45=gender problem?

I think he may have other issues, but bisexuality clues I would not derive from someone's age.

George Clooney is not getting married anytime soon :-)

Homegirl 50 · Feb 14, 2009, 07:30 PM

My grandmother used to say "a guilty conscious needs no accusing"
Whether he is bi or not, something is wrong. To blow up like that tells me the guy has issues. Let him go. Move on.

Choux · Feb 14, 2009, 08:01 PM

yikes, I apologize for using the word creepy to describe your actions. I should have used the word inappropriate.

Best wishes,