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ardahk · Feb 12, 2009, 04:07 AM

ka1 - read the stickies at the top of the forum, they helped and are helping a lot going through my break up

You have to accept how they feel, because they is nothing you can do to change how they feel or to show them that actually they are making the worst decision. In actual fact that thought has probably already gone through her head and she has already prepared herself for that but at the same time she cannot deny her feelings and right now her feelings aren't with you.

You have to tell yourself that

1. I respect her decision
2. I respect her feelings
3. Feelings change and you cannot change this
4. I can and have to move on
5. Something better IS out there
6. This is a process, not an overnight change
7. Keeping busy is the best thing for you
8. Not talking to her is putting yourself forward which you haven't been doing
9. You are a MAN
10. Ultimately, you deserve better and therefore can and are fine without her and don't NEED anyone in your life.

Good luck :)

talaniman · Feb 12, 2009, 04:51 AM

I think we all feel your hurt as you were together a long time, so its understandable that your really hurt and will need a long time to get it back together. Hell, the shock doesn't seem to have worn off yet. Hang in there, it takes time.

ka1 · Feb 13, 2009, 07:06 PM

Ok, okaaay. What I’m about to relate in this post now is something that has left me speechless. I was answering a post at another site about my ex’s reaction to my past V-day things I did for her, and a little about how her co-workers related to me. So, for course, my curiosity got the best of me as I was writing, and so I went to the site for the show she works on. And she has two segments she's done about Valentines stuff, including a fabulous wedding gift ideas. And the idea she gave is something I gave from that first Valentines Day!!

But wait there’s more… I look at he whole segment, and now only does she talk about the gift idea, A message in a bottle, but has the actual gift as a prop, on the show! And just mentions in pasting that it is something she got as a gift in the past. AND then precedes to give another idea—the Love Hunt. WHICH I DID FOR HER!

How the hell do people do this? I don’t understand remotely what’s going on in the head. I mean, she can't not think of me with that. I'm the one she got the damn idea from, cause I gave it to her it. How do you go from I don't want to get married or talk to me, and three weeks later you talking about wedding stuff using material that by all rights should make wish to be around me, cause I gave you what you're talking about. Am I crazy here, cause my head is about to explode. I'm not even going to talk about the lingerie segment.

UnluckyDucky · Feb 13, 2009, 07:25 PM

You're not crazy, just feeling lots of emotion right now.

Take a deep breath. Relax. Clear your head. Close your eyes, and think only about taking slow deep breaths for 1 minute.

Ok, so I can understand how you're feeling the way you're feeling but I have to say you kind of asked for it here...

What's going on in her head? Truth is only she knows. Could we take a guess? Sure, but that's a waste of time and in the end doesn't really matter. Sorry to say it but it sounds like she's already moved on and that's why she can act the way she's acting.

This is a perfect example of why its so important to maintain No Contact in all respects. Sorry to be harsh but its something you need to hear.

ka1 · Feb 13, 2009, 07:35 PM

Oh be quiet I knew someone was going to say something like that. Lol

Alty · Feb 13, 2009, 07:39 PM

Okay, you want the truth, no sugarcoating?

What's the big deal? It was a good idea, she had to have a good idea for her show so she used it, doesn't mean she's thinking about you or wants you back.

It is what it is, get over it.

UnluckyDucky · Feb 13, 2009, 07:42 PM

Hey ka1, you've given some pretty decent advice from what I've seen in some other posts. I'm just giving you the swift boot to the rear you so need right now...

I just hope that if and when the time comes, you'll give me the kick in the pants I need too.

ka1 · Feb 13, 2009, 07:48 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

doesn't mean she's thinking about you or wants you back.

It is what it is, get over it.

That's at best self-absorbed and at worse not human.

Alty · Feb 13, 2009, 07:56 PM

Originally Posted by ka1

That's at best self-absorbed and at worse not human.

No, not really, it just is.

ka1 · Feb 13, 2009, 08:43 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

No, not really, it just is.

Oh OK, so all behaviors are no beg deal because it is what it is? What does that even mean? There seems to be a bit of shallow quality to what you're saying. I can't hear your voice, so I don't know. But if I'm correct in saying you don't think this should bother me, or is a odd, then I think you're incorrect. I've related this to a number of people, and they are a bit shocked.

Alty · Feb 13, 2009, 08:51 PM

It means that you're reading too much into it, get over it, move on, and forget about it.

Yes, sometimes it just is what it is!

ISneezeFunny · Feb 13, 2009, 09:03 PM

ka1, I'm a little lost as to what you're really upset about... as far as the post and the responses that you're getting.

My ex tells people about the things I've done for her, and doesn't give me credit... but the thing is, you gave these things as a GIFT. GIFTS are pretty much just that. They're GIFTS. You give them out of your own generosity, not expecting absolutely anything in return, including credit.

Besides, how awkward would the show be if she came on the segment and said, "Oh, my ex got me these..."

... right?

ka1 · Feb 13, 2009, 09:15 PM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

ka1, I'm a little lost as to what you're really upset about...as far as the post and the responses that you're getting.

My ex tells people about the things I've done for her, and doesn't give me credit...but the thing is, you gave these things as a GIFT. GIFTS are pretty much just that. They're GIFTS. You give them out of your own generosity, not expecting absolutely anything in return, including credit.

Besides, how awkward would the show be if she came on the segment and said, "Oh, my ex got me these..."

...right?

Aah, I see what you mean. I can't explain it I guess. It just seems odd that you don't want me, or don't want to be with me on V-day, and then go talk about all this stuff I did with and for you. And to her co-workers who all know who gave her that stuff, it seems weird and off putting to me. Maybe... maybe if this had been a yr from now or something, but three weeks.

I'm not built that way. If I'm in her position, and I'm calling that person. I just can't explain it to guys in a rational way. But my skin is crawling from it. Has been all night.

ISneezeFunny · Feb 13, 2009, 09:17 PM

I thought this person was your ex? If she's your ex, why would she want to be with you or spend time with you?

Perhaps she's better at keeping her personal life and her job separate.

ka1 · Feb 13, 2009, 09:33 PM

Then she's got no business talking about anything related to us.

Wondergirl · Feb 13, 2009, 09:35 PM

Originally Posted by ka1

Then she's got no business talking about anything related to us.

She didn't talk about the two of you. She has detached herself from you and showed off some neat ideas for V Day. That's all she did. You're not even in the picture.

ISneezeFunny · Feb 13, 2009, 09:49 PM

Actually, BECAUSE she didn't talk about you, you are upset.

She didn't talk about YOU or when you two were together. She talked about something that was DONE when you two were together. Just because she loved pizza when she was with you, doesn't mean she can't eat pizza now.

I know it sounds harsh, but you have to look at this logically.

I've had a few exes in my life, and a few have hurt me quite a bit. But I know that one of my exes still wear the jewelry I bought her... because that would be stupid for her to not wear it... she wears it because she likes it, not because she thinks about me.

Same with me. My exes got me a few clothes; this doesn't mean I can't wear them because it makes me think about her...

ka1 · Feb 13, 2009, 09:51 PM

I don't think the two are remotely the same. But if what you saying is true, then the words I have for her, I'm not going to repeat here on the board. But they are not nice,

ISneezeFunny · Feb 13, 2009, 10:01 PM

I understand that you're upset, but what I'm trying to tell you is that right now, because you are upset, you are not being logical about this. You say that she has no business talking about you two, but what I'm saying is, why not? She was in the relationship as well. You didn't own the rights of the relationship, she was a partner in it. When you two ended it, you both took a part of it.

Just because you two are now over doesn't mean she has to do a certain thing the way you want her to, and the same with you. Different people have different ways of getting over the other.

I'm not saying that this is her way of getting over you, but what I'm saying is that she is mentioning these things because they were nice things you've done for her, and she thinks these are great ideas. From this, I can guess, you can indirectly gather that she's appreciative of the things you've done and thinks/thought of you as a great boyfriend.

Just because things ended the way they ended doesn't abolish the good things.

If this girl did something absolutely wonderful for you, and a female friend asked you what she could do to surprise her boyfriend, wouldn't you start with, "Well, once my ex did...?"

UnluckyDucky · Feb 13, 2009, 10:12 PM

I'm a true believer that we all live many lives. What we experience in one part of our lives carries over to the next chapter. Her taking these ideas and using them is not a bad thing - we all do this one way or another everyday of our lives.

Just like the lessons we learn from prior relationships, we will apply them to the next.