[Luv_My_Reece]

If an ex has made threats against you and said if you got pregnant by him he would hurt the baby and still wanted nothing to do with either one of you do you have to legally tell him that you are pregnant? (I have a restraining order) I don't want to tell him because I don't know what he'll do. He is in counceling (or was 3 months ago the last time we spoke) and has been to a mental hospital twice.

[excon]

Hello Luv:

There are a few things to consider here.

First; at this stage, NO, you are not obligated to tell him anything. Why? (1) He has no legal claim as of yet, because paternity has not yet been established. (2) Your condition at this point is pregnancy - not motherhood. There isn't yet a child which he can claim.

Plus, the restraining order prevents him from speaking with you - even if you initiate the contact.

Second; I don't believe you are legally obligated to tell him once the baby is born, either.

That said, (1) you'll never collect child support. That could be around $50,000 over your child's life. (2) Your child will be cheated out of having a father. It doesn't matter that he's a jerk now. He might not always be that way. Plus, your child is eventually going to want to meet him, and if he's changed, YOU will be blamed by your kid. (3) The father will be cheated out of his child. It doesn't matter that he's a jerk now. He might not always be. (4) Then there's the issues of the grandparents and stuff.

So, I conclude that there isn't a law that requires you to tell him anything ever. However, there may be more downsides than up.

If, however, you conclude that the father should be involved, you absolutely must take security precautions. Initially, contact should be made through a third party. That party should be an attorney.

You don't have to forgo child support in order to stay safe, either. I suggest that it is possible to collect child support without him knowing where you are. Of course, he'll have to be told that he's a father.

excon

[Luv_My_Reece]

Maybe my child would be cheated out of a biological "father" but he'll have a wonderful man who loves him as his own to call daddy. Also, my ex said if I ever became pregnant with his child he would do "whatever necessary to get rid of it". I just wanted to know if I HAD to tell him legally. I already know that it's not something I want to do or should do. The "grandparents" are crack smoking jerks just like their son and I'd rather my son be mad at me when he's older than to be dead.

[Fr_Chuck]

A father is the person who raises you, not the sperm donor,

[s_cianci]

Legally you don't have to tell him anything. Of course, if you don't then he'll never be compelled to provide financial support for the child if he is in fact proven to be the father. Keep in mind that if you ever try to receive public welfare you will probably be required to track down the father and initiate proceedings to obtain a judgement for support payments from him.