[cancunchic]

I met "Jeff" 7 years ago when I was his employee. We worked together for 2 years and then I moved on to another company. At the end of the time we worked together he was coming onto me but we never really dated. Over the last 5 years, we have been out from time to time but it was obvious to me he did not want a relationship so I never took him seriously.

In August of 08 we met for lunch and he told me his mom was dying with cancer and she wanted him to move in (the other 4 siblings are married). He wanted to but was torn knowing the huge responsibility he would be taking on. I just listened... this was huge for him to open up to me like this since he is extremely private.

I was in a car wreck in May 08 and had to have surgery on my shoulder right after we had lunch.. so again we went on with our lives. In November, he calls me and tells me he really wanting to start dating and see where things would go and he felt over the years in was too easy for us to come in and out of each others lives. I was totally shocked... I never expected him to say that. I have to be honest and say I really didn't take him seriously. I told him that I didn't know if the timing was right since he was now taking care of his mom and I had to have another shoulder surgery in December. He asked me to at least try... so I did.

He began calling me almost every day and we really started connecting more than ever before. Two days before Christmas, I have my surgery and he has a house full of company and is cooking Christmas dinner for his mom, 3 daughters (in high shool), and his siblings and their families. Needless to say we both had our hands full. Christmas day.. he doesn't call me at all and at 10 at night he sent me a text... I was hurt and pulled away for a few days. He asked me if I was mad at him and I told him I felt like he could have at least called me for a few minutes.

After that things we better and we continued to get closer... I finally let my guard down and started developing feelings for him and his mom passed away 2 weeks ago. I have tried everything I know to do to be there for him without pushing him. In the last week.. we have barely spoken and when he has called me I feel as if I am one of things on his to do list.. like he feels obligated to. I told him last night I missed him but understood he was going through a lot.. and he said I was just calling to check in with you and we got off the phone.

I have always questioned his emotionally availability to have a relationship and now do not know whether I need to give him space or he is just not into me amd move on?

Confused,

Cancunchic

[neverme]

Well you have two choices, you can

a) say to yourself that you're in this and support him like a partner


Or


b) say to yourself that he's not ready and back off.


You have to think about whether your willing to put yourself out there emotionally and prepared to possibly be hurt. I don't think anyone can tell you if he's definitely into you or not. I can understand that this isn't easy but this is the probably one of the hardest times this man will have to go through and the last thing he needs is you bringing up the relationship.

So make a decision and go with whatever you decide.

[proudpole48]

It doesn't really seem that "Jeff" is in any state of mind to let him be emotionally attached right now. With all the traumaitc experiences between the 2 of you it might just be more comfortable to talk to each other when things are bad.

If you don't have any commitment to him there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to see other people and see how that makes you feel.

[liz28]

Right now he's griefing and everyone deals with grief differently so right now I would say he needs space and I think your considerate enough to understand that.

With that being said after everything is said and done who knows if the two of you might get back together or when. I think if anything you should be his friend for now because he unable to have a relationship for now. If you can deal with being friends than do so.