[smoothy]

I think you may need to reread my posts. I specifically mentioned that he assures me its not my fault and does what he can to minimise the impact on me. We are young but not all young people are naive. I can stand up for myself. If I had that issue I wouldnt even be seeking answers...I would be too busy blaming myself. When i said I do everything I can to 'satisfy' him I simply meant that I did my best to help him without demeaning myself. I didnt explain that very clearly sorry.

That's exaactly why I am 110% certain that's exactly what he's doing... I've known too many guys personally that did this to girls they dated... and bragged about it to other guys.

Ever hear or use the let down by a woman (or a guy)... "Its not you its me"... You bleive that is true? Manipulation doesn't always have to be accomplished by dishing it out directly at the other person... in that persons mind the end justifys the means.

As far as Naïve... You would have to apply that term to yourself or not.. ( there are many different degrees of Naive) but lets just say that at a young age you lack the life experience to see certain things for what they are that an older person will. That's what Statutory rape laws are on the books for. On your 18th birthday you aren't suddenly bless with the wisdom of ages overnight.

You may think you know everything... That's the blinders of youth. THe older you get and the more you learn the more you understand how little you knew about everything when you were young, and understand how much you misunderstood then. And that process never stops until you die or develop Alzheimers. Like I said.. I'm 47 and still learning...

[endofmyrope]

Yeh that kind of scared me eh. Priapism sound serious but even if its just a mild variant or something similar, the long term damage isn't worth risking. Thanks for that. I will get him to get it checked out as soon as I can. Better safe than sorry.

Thanks, will do some more research on it.

[Alty]

Rule out any medical problems first, he has to go to his doctor and explain what's going on.

Now, if he refuses to se his doctor then you have to ask yourself why?

I'm on the fence here. It could be medical, but I've know guys just like him that claim they can't get off by themselves. I didn't fall for it for long, trust me, once I said no, they found a way to get over their "issues" and took care of it themselves.

Time for the doc, that's your first step.

[Choux]

This is obviously a psychological/relationship problem.

My opinion is that he is dominated by you in a very unhealty way and the only way he can escape your intrusiveness is to go ejaculation-less when you are around because he knows that will upset you to no end.

This is a very unhealthy relationship, in my opinion.

Each of you needs therapy to get back on a healthy track.

Best wishes going forward, :)

[linnealand]

Until reading your last handful of posts, my response could have been titled "i'm sorry, but are we missing something?". I started by attempting to figure out if you were trying to say that your boyfriend has some kind of a problem with his hands. Since you've made it clear that he's able enough to make the attempt, the next option was as a pickle problem. Personally, I can't say I've ever heard of a man suffering from an excess of erections that is so severe that no single man or woman can keep up with them, which brings them both to tears. Well, it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. But wouldn't you think to call a doctor with something like that going on?

I was also going to ring in with the same opinion that has already been brought forth, which is that guys lying about the blue ball story is classic. This is a fact. If a guy is jerky and horny enough, and if he thinks he can get away with it, he'll pull the blue ball card while putting on his best "poor me and my sensitive places" face. However, the falling for it is usually reserved for teenagers who don't know any better. So one option was, plain and simple, that your man is a big manipulator.

Now, while that was a legitimate possibility, I do think that there is something more unusual going on here. The first thing that he needs to do is visit his doctor. Any potential medical causes need to be ruled out. Don't self-diagnose with pieces you gather from the internet. What I don't understand is why this hasn't come up with you two already. At least, from the tone of your earlier posts, it doesn't sound like you've been considering a physiological issue in this. Since he is able to achieve orgasm through other means (as in you), physical causes might wind up being ruled out. However, there's still the unidentified explanation for all of this physical pain and suffering. Clearly it's far, far from normal. Get him to a doctor.

There's no doubt that something else is playing a starring role here, and that's his melon. There is so much psychological drama happening, obviously between the two of you and certainly in his own head. Some of this might be causing the problem, and some of this might be caused by the problem. It's not necessarily something he has to be conscious of. I saw an interview with a man who was extremely fetishist about hair. Take that hair away and he won't climax. It's not healthy. Your relationship isn't sounding especially healthy either, at the very least regarding the intimate part of it, and the longer this goes on, the more damage it's going to do.

He needs to see a shrink who specializes in sexual issues. The two of you need to see a relationship counselor. And lastly, you should consider if your role in this relationship is helping or if it's codependently out of whack. I get that love can sometimes make you feel the pain felt by the ones you love, but the extent to which you're suffering, the defensiveness and the apparent anxiety are all beyond that.

I have no question that you really are suffering in this situation. But something is very wrong, and since you're not professionally qualified to handle it as a medical specialist or as a clinical therapist, you need to pass it on to the people who are.

[linnealand]

Originally Posted by endofmyrope View Post
I think you may need to reread my posts. I specifically mentioned that he assures me its not my fault and does what he can to minimise the impact on me. We are young but not all young people are naïve. I can stand up for myself. If I had that issue I wouldn't even be seeking answers... I would be too busy blaming myself. When I said I do everything I can to 'satisfy' him I simply meant that I did my best to help him without demeaning myself. I didn't explain that very clearly sorry.

You're not going to like this, but I think you are demeaning yourself, and I think it's also that he's demeaning you. You might not think so, but using you as a necessary orgasm machine is absurd. What's going to happen if you have to go out of town for the weekend? Will he have to call in the prostitutes night and day? If he weren't in a relationship, all of this wouldn't be put onto his woman. It's *not* your problem, no matter how much you're making it out to be. I'm not buying the story about him not making you feel guilty about it since you clearly are. If you really are the only one putting your own feelings of guilt into this, then you need to address that as an unhealthy character issue in your life. I think it's great that you want to help him, but don't sacrifice your own mental health to do that. It won't help the situation at all.

[kirriky]

"Prior to our relationship he was able to masturbate but now cant"? How is that? And if he's in so much pain, why hasn't he gone to the doctor yet? He's got a medical problem and he should have addressed it himself. (By visiting a doctor). I don't think you should be fretting over the frequency of your sexual encounters. Many couples end up with different sexual needs and they learn to live with it. Not all his erections must end up in sex. In any case, masturbation is a healthy part of one's sex life so he needs to get medical help, not more frequent sex.

[smoothy]

There is no possible way he can have too much pain to masturbate to get off but not have any issue with intercourse... to get off.

If he had a real medical problem it would hurt like hell having intercourse as well... the motions are the same.

Sorry, I've had male Plumbing my entire 47 years of life so far and I know how it works... intimately. And yes its still in perfect working order.

I am 110% certain he is manipulating her to get what he wants when he wants it, as often as he can get it... and he overreached on his BS story with this one.

[Justwantfair]

The possible way has to do with him psychologically, not physically.

[smoothy]

The possible way has to do with him psychologically, not physically.

He is claiming serious penis pain is a BS excuse... not a mental block from some freak masturbation accident where his priest caught him and joined in...

Pain with it in his palm WILL equal pain with it in her... well coochie. And that there isn't is a dead giveaway.

Just a play on the classic lie of all times... Blue Balls... There are still jerks that use that on girlfriends... and there are girlfriends that ignore all advice and still believe that line of crap.

And he is employing reverse psychology based on the OP comments so far.

[0rphan]

You say he's aroused for sex but doesn't want it... so what happened to make him aroused?

If he masterbated before you met, then it's common sense that he can still masterbate now or are you saying that he is having involuntary erections?

That is a main blood supply area, so any emotional stress could cause this.

Does it happen throughout the day or only when he's around you?

If it's involuntary and it happens throughout the day then he must go and see a doctor, it could be hormonal imbalance, which can be detected by a simple blood test.

If it only happens in your company, then he is obviously having sexual fantasies which he wants fulfilled.

If he is not prepared to relieve himself via masturbation or intercoarse I can only suggest a cold shower, this usually does the trick for any man.

It does seem that you are trying to sort out a problem for him, when he should take control himself, which I think is the root of the problem.

[linnealand]

endofmyrope, could you just clarify some things for us? I really think it would help if you could share more information on the pain issue.

1.> when does the pain start? In other words, does the pain start as soon as the erection begins, or is it only after a certain amount of time has passed? If it's the latter, how much time passes before the pain starts?

2.> exactly where does the pain occur?

3.> does the pain disappear as soon as you begin "satisfying" him, or does it go away as soon as he has climaxed?

4.> if left "unsatisfied", how long will his erection remain?

Here are some other questions that have also come to my mind:

5.> I'm assuming that these erections are involuntary and that he isn't watching porn before he goes to bed, etc. By the way, if you are sleeping next to him in the nude or walking around in sexy lingerie, I would definitely cut those out for now. Anything bound to give him an extra erection wouldn't be helping the situation any.

6.> you mentioned that his sex drive is significantly higher than your own. What is his idea of the right amount of daily or weekly sexual activities according to his drive? And what would be yours?

I can only imagine how confusing all of this must seem for you. I think the solutions are actually quite simple. You just have to have enough healthy information on this situation to be able to approach it in the most constructive way. Also, remember that this site is based on a community of people with a myriad of perspectives, and being able to use these different perspectives really is an asset. Remember, all of this is being done to help *you* in the best way possible. Okay? It's the truth.

[chrissymarie]

excon - i havnt heard of anything like this either which makes it all the worse. He is so embarrassed and feels so guilty for having this problem that he has promised not to bother me or say anything simply to make my life easier. He is scared of losing me over this, but like me is at a loss over what to do :-(

. But knowing that he is suffering quietly does not make it all go away and he really is not the type of man to complain about anything unless it is serious.

He says that when he tries to come, even when he is desperate for release it just doesn't feel nice or doesnt feel much of anything at all. He is very depressed and constantly apologises for all of this. Please keep in mind that when I am up for it out sex life is very satisfying for both of us and he is a very considerate lover.

We have tried everything from me doing everything for him, to me doing nothing for a while, to me doing voice recordings or being in the room while he masturbates, me playing with myseld while he watches. He can come if he masturbates for AGES with me. I have even watched porn with him but he just can't seem to come without me helping.

He's afraid to lose you over blue balls? Lol! Tell him to shut up. Stop being so gullable. He can masterbate.