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Browneyes8469 · Feb 4, 2009, 07:40 AM

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about four years. I recently found out that he was cheating on me for about two months with some girl he works with. Is it worth it to salvage this relationship? Does the saying once a cheater always a cheater apply to every guy and girl? If I cheated on him, only worse is it wrong of me to stay angry with him? I am 21 and he is 24... does every young couple deal with problems like these? Is love supposed to be this hard?

Justwantfair · Feb 4, 2009, 07:43 AM

The once a cheater always a cheater does not apply to everyone.

You now have to weigh all of the factors on this relationship and decide if it is something you can forgive. No one can tell you to stay with someone who has cheated on you.

zeeniee · Feb 4, 2009, 07:45 AM

Hi Browneyes 8469,

I can only speak from my personal experience and I would say if your partner cheated once and you forgave him- he will in time cheat again.

I guess cheating is not a black and white situation. It all depends on why he cheated, is he sorry, and how much effort he wants to put on the relationship to make things work.

2 months is a long time to cheat with someone-- my advice would be to walk away from this. I am sure one day you will meet a better person who will respect, love and not cheat on you.

Romefalls19 · Feb 4, 2009, 07:47 AM

The saying, once a cheater always a cheater does not apply to everyone. I know quite a few people who have cheated one time and then never did it again.

What you have to do is weigh the options, and the severity of the relationship in which you two have. Personally, if someone cheats on me, it's done. There is nothing left to talk about but for you it could be different.

kctiger · Feb 4, 2009, 07:55 AM

Follow your heart, but listen to your instincts as well. None of us on here can tell you to walk away from a four year relationship, but this is a bit more complicated than that. If you choose to stay, then you also need to realize his cheating cannot be a platform for every argument or emotion you throw at him. You can't constantly throw it in his face, as that will defeat the purpose of staying together.

I think you have a good idea of what you want to do, so I would do it. Bottom line, you are hurt from this, which is understandable, and you need to protect yourself as much as possible right now. Love isn't supposed to be this hard, NO. How did you find out by the way? Did he tell you?

zeeniee · Feb 4, 2009, 07:58 AM

Actually Kctiger and everyone above are very right with their views. One v important thing that Kctiger pointed out is how did you find out?

May need more information on the situation to give us a better view of what is happening.

Browneyes8469 · Feb 4, 2009, 07:59 AM

One day he called me and his phone never hung up, so he got off work and I heard the two of them get into his car and talk about me and what not and that just got the ball rolling to all the other stuff I found out

kctiger · Feb 4, 2009, 08:00 AM

Well, my opinion still sticks. I will tell you, if this happened to me, I would kick her so far to the curb my shoes would be attached to her a$$.

Good luck. You don't deserve this, no one does, and I am sorry it happened to you.

Justwantfair · Feb 4, 2009, 08:03 AM

That makes the situation different. He did not admit until cornered with facts, he did not end the relationship on his own, I am sorry to say but although it hurts I think you need to walk away.

Browneyes8469 · Feb 4, 2009, 08:04 AM

But I cheated on him and I was way worse... should that stand for something?

talaniman · Feb 4, 2009, 08:04 AM

Yes all couples go through hard times, that call for a decision to be made.

Is he worth it, and do you FEEL he will cheat again?

Take a very long break, and think about it, without his influence.

That's important because after 4 years, you have had blinders on, and can't see him for who he is, just who you think he is.

You need to deal with reality here. Neither of you needs to be in this poisoned relationship, and no good will come of it.

zeeniee · Feb 4, 2009, 08:04 AM

So basically you found out? In that case walk away. He does not deserve you at all.

If it was the case that he cheated and then ended it and came clean with you about what he did and was very sorry- then I guess you may want to weigh all your options etc... but sadly it does not look like that was the case.

You deserve more respect than this.

kctiger · Feb 4, 2009, 08:05 AM

Then clearly both of you have issues, and neither of you should be in a relationship. Next time, clarify the extent of your story a bit in the first post.

Two people cheat on each other, then wonder if a lasting relationship will ever work... hmmm... most likely... NOT!

zeeniee · Feb 4, 2009, 08:05 AM

So you both cheated on each other?

Romefalls19 · Feb 4, 2009, 08:06 AM

Two wrongs don't make a right. That's what my mom always told me, this relationship is like a cancer, eating both of you alive. Break it off for the sake of sanity and do yourself a favor, be true in a relationship. It's an endearing quality most guys look for in a wife/girlfriend.

Justwantfair · Feb 4, 2009, 08:07 AM

No that doesn't stand for anything, do you want to continue with "an eye for an eye" relationship?

Browneyes8469 · Feb 4, 2009, 08:07 AM

Yes

Browneyes8469 · Feb 4, 2009, 08:08 AM

Even though we were both young and a little confused but are willing to work through it, this relationship is pretty much doomed?

talaniman · Feb 4, 2009, 08:12 AM

Yes!

Justwantfair · Feb 4, 2009, 08:12 AM

Originally Posted by Browneyes8469

Even though we were both young and a little confused but are willing to work through it, this relationship is pretty much doomed?

Your relationship was doomed when you each took the opportununity to hurt each other by sleeping with someone else. There is not a blow that is lower than that to another individual.

The fact that you did it and it was "way worse", the fact that he cheated and was not forthright with the facts - only admitted when cornered with the accusation and the truth of the situation, these facts mean your relationship was fractured for quite some time.

You can only make the choices for yourself, but we all talk from experience and an outside perception of the facts, you are already in a doomed relationship.