[momto4darlings]

I have searched the threads on this website and cannot find anything that fits my particular case. Please help if you know the answer! My husband was married to a woman 12 years ago and she became pregnant. She told my husband that the child was his and they were married so he believed her. They divorced a year after the child was born and she has collected child support for 11 years. All has been well with the situation until my husband married me and we just recently had a child together and sought for the previous support order to be modified to include our child. My husband's ex got mad and now she has let us in on her little secret, that the child that came from their marriage is not my husbands biological child, but nana nana boo boo, my husband still has to pay for him. What can be done? My husband is on the birth certificate because he believed her when she said that the child was his, but he signed under false pretenses! Now my husband wants a paternity test to prove that she is telling the truth because truthfulness is not one of her strong suits. If the child is proven not to be my husband's is he still responsible for the child support, can he sue her for fraud, can he sign over his parental rights to this child ? Can it be ordered that she find and collect child support from the biological father and what rights can we get for this child to know his real father? We are so frustrated and it's such an injustice for this kid to be robbed of knowing the other side of his biological family so that his mother could collect a paycheck.

[frizz1862]

I think you should consult a lawyer I believe you guys have a strong case against your husband’s ex-wife. Also he can get one of those home paternity test if he still gets custody of this child and his ex-wife doesn’t have to know about it. But first ask a lawyer.

[Fr_Chuck]

What I don't see here is how is this poor child dealing with this, and how a man after being a father to this child for 12 years could even consider stoping even if there is no DNA, my son who I adopted ( was my wife's son previously) is closer to me often than natural born children and even remained with me when his mother and I separated.

So is this child in counseling now to help them deal with the only father he has know wanting to throw him out with the trash and have nothing to do with him.

You can not sue for fraud, since he always had a right to a DNA test at the beginning, and cheating is always a possible.

And this child does know his "true" dad that is your husband who was there for him ( or should have been for 12 years) the other person is a sperm donor.

But to be honest in many US states after 12 years he will be stuck being the father even if DNA proves he is not.
In other states you can still challenge the DNA and if it proves he is not the father he can file to have child support ended. But all his rights to the child will end also, no visits, no say in his life, no nothing.

There are no rights to find a bio parent

And DNA, on the weekends or weeks you have the child for his court apporved visits, get one done if you want a DNA test??

[stevetcg]

Biology has little to do with it at this point. Since they were married when the child is conceived, legally the child is his regardless of who the bio-dad was. The OTHER guy would have to fight it, not your husband.

[JudyKayTee]

If the "ex" lied before she may very well by lying now just to get him angry or for revenge or who knows. Your husband - you have absolutely no legal standing in this - can go to Court and required DNA testing. I doubt the Court will order it.

You say this is unfair because it's depriving the child of knowing his/her true family (believing your husband's family is his/her family). Does it have anything to do also with your husband no longer wanting to pay support? I think you have to be really straight forward here if you are going to ask a Court to step in.

And if the child is NOT his, then what are his plans concerning visitation? This child has called him "Dad" for apparently 12 years. Does he now intend to walk away?

[momto4darlings]

My husband has been a great dad to this child and he does not intend on just walking away! He has 12 years history here. He's been a more than average weekend father in this child's life, getting him more than the court order. He does have an appointment with an attorney and will soon get the facts, I just thought someone maybe has had experience with this same situation. There is no question, he loves this child, he has paid far more child support than he was required to pay because he never wanted to get it lowered even though he pays more than I am willing to divulge here, more than he could ever afford on his own, I pitch in weekly. We just feel like the child is owed the right to know his roots and where he comes from. Everyone has that right, and we feel that his mother has been incredibly selfish to take it upon herself to involve everyone, unwillingly, in this deception, and the worst of all, she's done to an innocent man and child for nothing more than money! It sickens me to hear her talk about it, so unapologetic, like everyone in my husband's family owed this to her. The sad thing is that nobody else had a choice in any of it. Now there are other children involved, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmothers, grandfathers, brothers, and sisters, all of whom had no choice in being involved in it, and she expects the lies to go on. I think that it is sad that we as a society hold people responsible for all other types of fraud in this country, extortion of money is not an option in any other circumstance, but when it comes to child support, we want to link it to love for a child. They are two very different things. You can love and support a child and still hold the adult responsible for the wrong doing responsible for their actions. Is it right to allow her to continue to collect on her wrongdoing? I don't know about you guys but I teach my kids the exact opposite, that you don't benefit when you lie, cheat, and steal. Believe me, she has plenty money now to raise her child, the option to find the father, and the option the do the right thing and allow my husband to continue to be a part of this child's life, but it's all about money for her. She sees him as a free paycheck. This is so disrespectful to a kind and upstanding man who has tried to do the right thing for many years, even when she was going on expensive vacations without her son I might add while he could not even afford a place of his own. Talk about selfish!

[ScottGem]

This is governed by state law. In most states, if a woman is married at the time of birth then her husband is considered the legal father unless that is challenged. Most states have a statute of limitations as to when such a challenge must be mounted by. And I don't know any that go as much as 12 years.

So, there is a VERY strong proability that your husband will remain the child's legal father depsite DNA test results. Which also means that he will be required to continue child support.

Yes you need to consult an attorney familiar with local family law. If a DNA test will not change his status as legal father, then I wouldn't bother.

The only other possibility might be to file a civil suit for fraud against the mother and I'm not sure how well that would go.

[JudyKayTee]

Here is my problem and I honestly don't mean this harshly. This is a legal board and we answer legal questions from education, experience, great research skills. The emotional support, whether life is fair, issues like that are questions about relationships and just don't get answered here. Whether the child will be harmed by a sudden announcement that the father is not actually the father is for another board.

Legally, fair or unfair, I personally think it's too late to contest paternity. Consult with family court (or which court handles these matters in your area) or an Attorney to be 100%.

I am not unsympathetic here, by the way. I'm also a stepmother. Unfortunately, what is legal and what is moral can be two different issues.

There are some great people on the other board, many who have very similar experiences and feelings. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/children/

[momto4darlings]

I appreciate your opinion and I respect your position on the subject. I happen to be of the belief that if this is what we as a society claim to be, one that believes in justice for all, we should work on this terrible injustice that we allow women to get away with every day. I feel that our legal system has failed the fathers in this situation miserably and if we want to stand behind "justice for all" then that means my husband too, not just the woman who was able to conn him. The child will be taken care of, my husband and I will see to that, we wouldn't have it any other way, but there should be some kind of legal consequences for someone who could be so cruel to a man and her child!

[Justwantfair]

The prevention to the terrible injustice is for him to request a paternity test whether he believes it is necessary or not.

[JudyKayTee]

I appreciate your opinion and I respect your position on the subject. I happen to be of the belief that if this is what we as a society claim to be, one that believes in justice for all, we should work on this terrible injustice that we allow women to get away with every day. I feel that our legal system has failed the fathers in this situation miserably and if we want to stand behind "justice for all" then that means my husband too, not just the woman who was able to conn him. The child will be taken care of, my husband and I will see to that, we wouldn't have it any other way, but there should be some kind of legal consequences for someone who could be so cruel to a man and her child!

So get a job in the system and try to change it. Again - your husband married this woman, may or may not have a child with her, lived with her and now truthfulness is not one of her strong suits.

And as far as who is cruel, who is irresponsible, who is going to hurt this child - that's a question for the legal boards.

This is not a "we" probem. You have no legal standing. This is his problem.

Please move this to the relationship board or I will ask that the thread be closed.

[ScottGem]

I appreciate your opinion and I respect your position on the subject. I happen to be of the belief that if this is what we as a society claim to be, one that believes in justice for all, we should work on this terrible injustice that we allow women to get away with every day. I feel that our legal system has failed the fathers in this situation miserably and if we want to stand behind "justice for all" then that means my husband too, not just the woman who was able to conn him. The child will be taken care of, my husband and I will see to that, we wouldn't have it any other way, but there should be some kind of legal consequences for someone who could be so cruel to a man and her child!

If you truly believe in justice for all, then you have to look at all sides. From where I sit, you are looking only at the injustice perpetrated on your husband because he was allegedly tricked into becoming the legal father of the child in question.

There may be several other sides to this story. How do you know women are allowed to get away with this every day? Generally woman do not get away with this as most men would suspect this and challenge paternity.

[Fr_Chuck]

But in these cases the "justice" if there is any, is for the child, and the interest both emotional and economic is put first.

And it is a legal system, not really a justice system, although it is miscalled that often

Thread closed