[stuckinarut]

Please take the time to read my story, it would mean a lot if I could have some kind advice.
A little over four years ago, when I was in 4th grade, my family adopted 2 little sister kittens. My sister, who was in 2nd grade at the time was completely in love with them, as was I. For the past 4 years, we have adored them, we come home every day and talk to them, they sleep with us every night. My mom and I had a special bond in particular with Shadow, and my dad and sister in particular with Callie. They have been a meaningful part of our lives.
This past Thursday, Shadow started throwing up. We assumed it was one of their usual throw up bugs. When her throw up turned to a thick bile by Saturday, My mom took her to the vet just to be sure it wasn't serious. They gave her some antibiotics and told us to bring her back if she was still sick Monday. Sunday, when the vet was closed, my mom was really worried about her and didn't want to wait until Monday to take her in, so she took her in to an emergency clinic. My dad came to my soccer practice in tears, and told me that Shadow was in kidney failure and she had little chance of making it through this. I collapsed. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I knew everything about her, all her habits, every color and every place she liked to sleep, every sound she made. My dad took my sister and I straight to the vet to say goodbye. We were all sobbing. Monday morning, rather than put her through more pain, we had to put her to sleep. We don't know what caused her kidney failure, and we never will. She was only 4,her time was so short. The doctors don't know if she ate a toxin or had cancer or some other disease.
This is Tuesday. She died yesterday, Monday. I am only 14, and I have never experienced death before this. I don't know how to handle it. The worst thing, though, is that my mom is blaming herself. She finds every reason for it to be her fault. She thinks she could have taken her in Friday. Or her 'instincts' should have told her. Or that if she ate a toxin that poisoned her, it was something she left out and she should have known better. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I still remember her so clearly, the way she felt when I petted her, the way she would walk across me when I slept. I still expect her to curl up to me when I am reading at night. I also don't know what to do for my other cat, Callie. She is also grieving at the loss, and is lonely. My family wants to get a new cat, but we haven't started thinking about when. Would a new kitten help ease the pain? We could never replace our beloved Shadow, but it is so lonely around here.
Should we get a kitten? Two kittens? We don't want Callie to feel as if she is not as important anymore. A cat the same age as Callie so she has a companion? Should we wait until we are no longer grieving? I need help with everything. Any advice on how I can handle this intense pain I have never felt before. What can I say to my mom to convince her that it is not her fault? Please, any advice you have would be helpful. I have just experienced the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

[FlyYakker]

[QUOTE=;][/QUO

Stuckinarut I'm very sorry. Poor kitty. The pain will go away, I promise, but there will always be a little place in your heart where you will remember Shadow.

It sounds like you all did the best you could. Mom should not feel guilty. You just can't tell sometimes how the little critters are feeling. I have had things I thought were serious in my cats (I have a Shadow too) turn out at the vet's to be minor and things I thought were minor turn out to be serious.

When do you get a new cat? When you feel it is right. Perhaps first you all should simply visit the animal shelter or pet store and just see how it feels.

If you get an older cat (or even a kitten), I would try, if possible, to make keeping it dependent on the two animals getting along. It sounds a bit hard hearted, but a house with cats who don't get along is not a happy place.

I am told that when you introduce a new cat into the house, you either don't let the resident cat see you bring it in or you have someone else bring it in. Keep the new cat in the carrier or in a case and set it in a room. Let the resident cat have free access to the room and let the two animal get to know each other in that controlled environment.

If someone has actual experience in this, I yield to their experience.

At any rate, I bet your vet can give you some advice on introducing two cats. There are also cat enthusiast web sites that may have information.

Good luck. I hope I at least gave you something to think about.

Pet Callie for me.

[Akoue]

I wish I had some really good advice for you about dealing with the pain of Shadow's death. I feel the same way about the death of my little guys. It's horrible to lose someone you love in this way. Just try not to let the pain you feel overtake memories of the joy you brought each other. Keep her in your heart. She deserves that.

The little bit of advice I can offer is this: When you and your family decide you're ready for another cat, get a boy. Two female cats will often not get along very well together (this isn't always true, of course, but it's also not at all uncommon). I'm sure Callie is mourning the loss of her sister, and she may be very sad for a while (cats mourn too, of course). When you think the time is right, give a little boy the benefit of a loving home.

[plonak]

I'm so sorry sweetie.. so sorry for your loss.

Losing a pet is extremely painful, it's almost like losing a family member.

I suggest you let it sink in a little bit and then get a new cat (the way the others described)

From the writing of your post you seem like a very intelligent girl.. you're going to be OK.. and you'll get another kitty that will fit right into your family..

You're in my prayers honey!

[Silverfoxkit]

I'm very sorry for your loss. It is never easy losing a pet, no matter how long they've been in your lives. Its no one's fault. You and your mom did the best you could. You brought her to the vet, like any responsible owner, and even the vet did not foresee the illness. When you do decide that its time for a new pet, please consider adopting from a local shelter or rescue organization. You may not have been able to save Shadow, but you still have the power to save another cats life.

Cat's Eulogy (With Love)


Don't be sad you had to end my pain
And know that you will see me once again
God's given me a place to wait for you
And you know what? He says He loves me too!!

There's lots of different critters all around
In Heaven there's no evil to be found
So all of us just seem to get along
And Angels serenade us with their songs

People here are kind and stroke my fur
And they all seem to love it when I purr
I'm no longer sick so I am glad
Please don't fill your days by being sad

I haven't really gone that far away
And I'm really looking forward to the day
That we can be together up above
In this land of peace and happiness and love

[diamond3573]

Hi dear, I have lost many cats over my life, and it hurts every time. I know the pain you are feeling, and I know it can physically hurt.

The thing I have learned, is that stupid old addage "it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all" is true.

With cats (or any pet) I truly believe that. My last two died way too young, like yours did, but I cherish the two years I had with them. The one I had before that was 12 when she died, and it nearly killed me, but I managed to get through. It still saddens me, but the happy memory of 12 years of playing, petting and loving her outweighs the pain.

I have two now, each with a different personality and each has a different way of relating to me. I know as my Sidney sits in my lap and licks my nose that I will lose her one day. As my Shelby attacks me as I walk up the stairs, I know I will one day lose her too.

The joy they bring me is worth the pain of their loss, my life is better because I have them.

You will never forget your kitty, but you will love again, and the pain will ease.

God Bless You.

[trmpldonagn]

Time, time, time. Hello Stuck. I held back tears (for now) while I read what you are going through. It is like losing a family member. Everyone gave you such wonderful answers.
Callie will grieve for the loss as well. Try not to say Shadow's name too much, if at all, because she will hear and know. She is grieving with you. Try to comfort each other. Unfortunately, there is no short cut. You just have to let yourself cry when you need to. It is a shock. It is overwhelming and a lot of people don't understand it. I don't know if you have a computer. If you do, please visit APLB.ORG I'm not trying to sell you anything. I promise I would not do such a thing especially in your time of sorrow. This is a bereavement site for loss or anticipating the loss of a pet. There are 2 nights a week where you can join a chat like discussion. There is a doctor on board and he will talk to you PERSONALLY if you need to. He would be happy to. There are also hosts on the site as well. You might find yourself trying to read through your tears as you write and read what others are telling you. Basically, everyone on the site is or already has gone through the very same thing. It offers great support. Be prepared for a sympathy card from them. I received one that played, "Over the Rainbow". As much as it made me cry, I eventually was able to heal somewhat. We are all different. You may heal faster than I did but I can tell you this. I never got over the loss of my pets. I just learned to carry on, not move on cause it sounds like you're forgetting them or leaving them behind. No, you carry on and carry them in your heart forever. You make a memorial if you wish but most importantly you keep them alive by carrying them with you always and remembering all of the things you have listed. On the anniversay each year, especially the first one, these emotions may come flooding through again as if it happened that very day again. Please seek support as you are here. It will help a bit.
I lost a dog in 1988 of 16 years and a cat of only 15 months just a couple of years ago. In both cases, I lost weight. I didn't sleep. With my dog, I did go to work each day even though I seemed to just be going through the motions like some robot. It's shock. With my cat, sometimes I didn't get out of bed to even shower. I don't want to tell you how long or how many days and nights I had to "let it out" so to speak because you may be different. Let yourself feel what you are feeling but know that Shadow would not want you to suffer. I know this is so much easier said than done. There are more animals in my life and I worry as if they were my own kids. I give them all of the love and attention in the world like you did and still do. This is the best we good and compassionate people can do. And do get another cat or two when you feel it's right. Trust me please. Try APLB.ORG You will see. I feel your pain so so much and I will be thinking about you aaaaalllllll day/night long now. Feel free to email anytime if you need to talk. In the meantime, reach out to family and friends but steer clear of any knuckleheads in school for example, who may not understand this great great loss. And keep on with those good, loving and beautiful memories and the life you gave Shadow. We're all with you!

[artlady]

Aw honey,I'm so sorry for your loss.I have a tear too.I know what it means to lose a beloved pet.

I would say that for the time being it might be best to put off getting a new cat as Callie is probably going through some changes as well,missing Shadow.

I am not sure an older cat is a good idea as there has to be an alpha female and right now that is Callie. In the future I would suggest a kitten as I think the chance of Callie accepting her would be better if it was not an adult.

I know how sad this is for you but try to be happy for the time you did have Callie and remember that she loved you too!

[trmpldonagn]

Yes, a kitten is a better choice. Callie will show him/her the ropes so to speak and you will notice her "teaching". She will show the new kitty who's boss and who's territory it is but I believe it will be a more binding and healthy relationship. Of course when you all are ready to get the new kitty, still give the very same love and attention to Callie so that she understands. You already knew that I bet. I hope you have support right now and we're here too for you. APLB.org is always there for you/us too.

[stuckinarut]

I cannot express my thanks enough for all your wonderful answers. Today my family and I went to a shelter to look at kitties, just to cheer us up. I couldn't help but have a huge smile spread across my face when I saw them scampering across the floor! I am doing better and you all have helped to give me the confidence to try and carry on. Thank you so much! More comments and advice would be greatly appreciated as well.

[trmpldonagn]

Hey there. I am so happy to hear you are feeling better. Really happy to hear that. Like I said, reach out to family and friends and they knew what you needed. Your family obviously cares very much and understands. So are you going to get one yet or wait? Maybe wait till Callie (and you) have had enough time? Or whenever you all agree. I don't want to cross the line between meddling and giving advice. I am just so glad for now that you are feeling better and having a good day/night. And now you know that in the future, whenever that may be or however soon, you will be saving a life and giving a life of love and a home to another kitty. Good for you and keep smiling.
Smiles at you!

[lauraa]

i am sorry to hear about your cat. i use to have 2 cats. 1 which was 2 years old. it went outside for the last time and i never got to see it again it got ran over. i was screaming when i heard. i always thought of his favourite places and where he liked. this was about 2 years ago. and i still cry over him now. it is hard to handle death. especially when your extra close to the animal like you were. its heartbreaking. if ever you need to chat about it im always here:]

[trmpldonagn]

That's great that you are being supportive like that Lauraa. It is devastating. And you also are not alone. It's been a little over 2 years since I lost one of my cats and I still cry too over her. My dog? Same thing and she passed in 1988. Good thing is she did live out a full great 16 years and given LOTS and LOTS of love. The cat? Well too devastating to go into but I understand how you feel. I have not even told my own mother how she died. Anyway, when I hear something like this, I try to pass on APLB.org They have 3 hour chats a few days/nights a week with a doctor on site and several bereavement hosts. It doesn't matter Laura if you lost your pet 10 years ago or 2 like you say. It is very helpful and supportive. The Dr. on site has even phoned people personally when asked to do so. Believe me, everyone on this site truly understands so don't ever be afraid to reach out.

[FlyYakker]

Glad you are feeling better.

If you get a kitten, remember that it has laser sharpend claws and it WILL want to play with the older cat. Watch how the older cat takes this and maybe be prepared to limit time together at first to give the older cat a break.

[Wondergirl]

I too am so sorry about your loss. I've had cats all my life and know that I will (unfortunately) outlive most of them. In fact, my soulcat Thomas Jefferson will be 15 on the Fourth of July, and his older "brother" Rasputin will be 17 on April 15th, so you see that I have a couple of losses ahead of me. I will still have Kuro who is about 8 and Little Debbie who is around 5 -- and all but Rasputin are rescued cats.

You could do no greater honor to Shadow than by adopting a cat from a shelter. I'd even suggest an adult cat (at least a year old) since somewhat older cats like Callie can get stressed out from dealing with a feisty kitten. The shelter will have history on the cats you look at and will have made sure the cats have all their shots and have been neutered.

And as a side note, cats tend to pick out their people, not the other way around. Our four cats chose us. Rasputin was the runt of the litter and clung to my younger son whenever he visited his friend, the owner of the mother cat. Twice Thomas curled up in my lap at the shelter, kneaded my lap, and, before he took a nap, purred, "I'm all yours." Kuro walked right into our cat trap and sat there wondering what was taking us so long to take him inside the house. Little Debbie saw our invisible "FREE FOOD FOR STRAYS" sign above our front door and proceeded to shiver and look pathetic when we set down a plate of food.

I wonder who will choose you... Be sure to let us know!

[stuckinarut]

Yesterday, we adopted 2 beautiful kittens from a shelter. They are about 5 months old and are gray tabbys just like Shadow was. They are so loving and sweet, one is named Angel (we like to think that she was an Angel sent from Shadow) and the boy doesn't have a name yet. We will always miss Shadow, but hopefully these 2 new beauties can help us to feel better and remember Shadow in a happy way. I have a couple more questions now: What should we name the boy? We like Willow or Sullivan, maybe? What should their birthdate be? It is in between 9/7/08 and 9/15/08, and since they were rescued at 5 weeks no one is exactly sure. Also, how should we try to have the new cats associate with Callie? We have them in their own private room for now, and Callie sits outside the door and growls. We know that it will take awhile before they can actually meet each other, but are their any ways we can help them get used to each other? Thank you all so much for your support! I cannot express my thanks enough.

[Wondergirl]

Also, how should we try to have the new cats associate with Callie? We have them in their own private room for now, and Callie sits outside the door and growls. We know that it will take awhile before they can actually meet eachother, but are their any ways we can help them get used to eachother? Thank you all so much for your support! I cannot express my thanks enough.

Be sure to give Callie lots of love and attention--even more than usual, and especially when the kittens are finally in Callie's presence. There are a number of web sites that offer advice on how to introduce cats to each other. My cats get very jealous when we seem to prefer one over the other. Callie is the resident cat, and the kittens are the newcomers. Fuss over Callie. The kittens won't care at this point.

[Silverfoxkit]

Congratulations on your new additions! I myself am keeping an eye out for any kittens at the shelter, but so far there haven't been any since I started looking. Maybe you should refer to my question, intercat aggression. I feel I got pretty good advice for introducing another cat or kitten. As far names go, its just going to have to come to you as you get to know the kitten! The name should be fitting to his personality.