[ahming1216]

So, before I begin my problem, let me explain my past relationship with my ex which I believe lead me to the way I am now. I dated jane (fake name) in September 2007, in my first year of university. I met her while she lived on campus residence and things were rocky from the start. We dated for 9 months, and had plenty of arguments that lead to breakups (around 6 or 7 breakups, on average once a month lol). Anyway, at the end of our relationship, jane cheated on me and left me for another guy. This happened in June 2008, and I was heartbroken, and went through a lot of depression and pain and recovery till I got to where I am now.

Now, my current girlfriend who we'll call angel, is also a girl I met in my first year of university, around the same time I met jane. Angel and I had become pretty good friends, and she was actually the person I always went to talk to when I had problems with jane, and angel would always talk to me and then help me talk to jane (they are good friends too) and try to resolve our issues. Anyway, after I began recovering from the breakup with jane, I began falling for angel, and realized how great of a girl she is. So on xmas 2008, when I asked angel out, she agreed, and we've been dating for a little over a month now.

However, during the time I spent recovering, I had read countless of those articles on the internet on "how to get your exgirlfriend back" and stuff, and to sum it up in a sentence, most of the articles listed the same strategy: act like you don't give a sh*t about woman, and they'll come running to you to try and win your attention. I believe with the influence of those articles and listening to the advice of my guy friends, I honestly did believe that. And I had promised myself after the breakup with jane, that I would never get into another relationship where I loved the girl more than they loved me. I felt like I needed to place a distance between me and the girl to make sure that I can never be put through hell again. I needed to protect myself.

Now I walked into the relationship with angel holding the same attitude, and the "act like you don't give a sh*t" strategy works well for me. I occasionally (not always) ignore her calls on purpose to make sure I am not always so readily available and free for her, and force myself to not see her so often (only once or twice a week) even though I REALLY just want to spend all my time with her. And I've seem to have pretty good success so far and she seems like she's in love with me. She was previously a virgin (only dated once before me, never had sex with her ex), and the really naïve type that believes she'll find the right guy to give her viriginity to at 20 and spend the rest of her life with him and grow old with him. Even knowing that much about her, I took her virginity regardless a couple of weeks into our relationship.

The problem: I feel so guilty inside. We got into a minor fight today over something unrelated, but she said to me "it seems like the more we talk, the word forever becomes less and less meaningful to us". And on my way home, I've continuously contemplated on breaking up with her. Despite all that I've said above, I don't believe I'm a very bad person, and I really feel so guilty inside. I feel like I treat her like crap sometimes and it hurts me so much to see her like this, at the same time, I can't bring myself to stop treating her like that, because its seemed to work so far.

On top of that, I share the same group of mutual friends with jane, and since jane and angel are friends as well, I occasionally bump into jane, and sometimes jane and angel even talk with each other still, and I feel REALLY uncomfortable with seeing jane. I know that although I've made significant progress, I'm not 100% over her, maybe 85%. But deep down I still hold some memories and feelings for her. I can't help but feel bitter occasionally when I look at pictures of her on Facebook.

I feel so divided up inside, and I don't know what to do. My guilt is just eating me up inside sometimes. While I'm being a to her and I stay with angel, I feel like a super-@$$hole and I'm wasting her time if I can't settle down and be the "forever" guy that she wants (I can't promise forever to her cause I'm only 20 and I can't tell what's going to happen in the future yet, its just too far, I don't want to make a promise I know I can't 100% guaranteed keep). But if I feel so bad for her and believe I don't deserve her and I leave her hoping she will find someone that will treat her better than I can, I am still a super-@$$hole cause I just left a girl a week after I took her virginity.

I'm so torn apart, I don't want to lose the feeling of having someone there to hug and hug me back after I've lost it for over half a year. I spent so much time, effort and patience to win angel and change our relationship from Best-friend to girlfriend. However, I also feel like sh*t and I don't feel like I really deserve her, therefore a part of me wants to break up with her and hope she can find happiness in the arms of another.

[talaniman]

Of course you feel guilty, because you have acted selfishly, and used angel to replace jane, and get what you wanted.

Very bad behavior and now you pay the consequences of your selfish immature behavior.

Time to come clean, and be honest with angel, and see what she decides to do.

You can take the easy way out again, and get the same results, guilt, fed by dishonesty, and deceit, or you can own up to your actions, and take responsibility, no matter what that ends up being.

Do the right thing by others. Only then can you maybe be forgiven, but you can forgive yourself!

[Romefalls19]

Tal is right, forgive yourself for your actions. Explain yourself to "Angel" and tell her exactly what you told us, then let her decide.

[artlady]

Guilt is a good thing.It shows you have a conscience.Sadly,you did not think before you acted. Now you need to answer for your behavior.

You need to man up ,as they say, and take responsibility for your actions and be honest with this girl.

It is not too late to do the honorable thing.

As an aside,that game playing *treat a girl like crap* thing is immature and I am confident you would not like that done to you.Game playing is for children and if you want to be in an adult relationship ,you have to be an adult.

Remember this as well... what goes around comes around.

[sully123]

I don't think you should be in a relationship now, the way you treat women.

[zeeniee]

I am sorry but I think what you did was HORRIBLE to angel-- what did she do to you, for you to treat her this way?

Come on- man- GROW UP and WISE UP!

Just because one girl did not treat you fair in the sense she cheated on you- does not mean all the girls are not nice.

Using the "act like you don't give a sh*t" strategy - is really f***ing crap thing to do.

I think this girl has done you no harm and so she deserves some god-damm respect.

Start with sorting this mess out, by taking consequences and responsibility of your actions and tell her what you did- she deserves to know the truth.

Seriously man- you so need to GROW UP.

You should remain single, till you mature and wise up.

Shame on you.