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montego2d · Jan 25, 2009, 09:25 PM

So, for the past year I have had a crush on a straight guy at work. I'm a supervisor for a retail store, but he works in a separate department, so I'm not his immediate supervisor. He's only been working there for a year, but from the first time I saw him, I've been gaga for him. We were just coworkers for a while, and just friendly to each other, but over the last few months I've been talking more and more to him, and we've both been opening up to each other. The odd thing is that he acts straight, but everything else about him screams gay. He's extremely well manicured, he loves theatre (the stage kind), he's very concerned about how his body looks (goes to the gym at least 3 times a week), and he's in his late 20s and only had 2 serious girlfriends, one with which he's been on and off with for 4 years(and this guy is gorgeous and could have anyone he wants). This is only strange because we're from the south, and straight boys like this don't grow around here. I also catch him staring at me at work, and if I go over and speak to him, his face lights up and he smiles.
Anyway, we ended up going out to see a broadway show (I had season tickets and my theatre counterpart didn't want to go to this one), which he very much enjoyed. He didn't come on to me, and I respect him too much to hit on him. Afterwards we went out to dinner, and he refused to let me pay for my dinner. We talked about a lot of personal things and told me a few things that he's never told anyone. When we returned home and we parted ways, I gave him a hug (our first) and he just kind of relaxed into me. It was weird.
So all this has really lead to me falling head over heals in love with him, when I only had intentions of being friends. To really top it off, he's moving to a city about 3 hours away for a while, which really sucks. I've been debating on whether to tell him how I feel or just leave it be. Any suggestions, cause I'm really kind of lost here...

MarkwithaK · Jan 25, 2009, 09:32 PM

You're gay and he's not. Until he tells you otherwise you might want to keep your feelings to yourself otherwise he could feel a little freaked out by it and shy away from you completely.

montego2d · Jan 25, 2009, 09:39 PM

True, but he knows I'm gay and has no problem with that aspect of it. And he doesn't seem to be someone who is easily freaked out.

MarkwithaK · Jan 25, 2009, 09:48 PM

Originally Posted by montego2d

True, but he knows I'm gay and has no problem with that aspect of it. And he doesn't seem to be someone who is easily freaked out.

That doesn't mean he is interested. I used to work for Disney on Ice and about 75% of the male cast were gay. I'm not and they know this, just as I knew their orientation. That didn't stop me from being friendly or having drinks with them. Point is, in this situation there is a line and as long as it isn't crossed then no worries. You have no idea what is going on in this guy's head and if you cross that line then you may very well lose his friendship.

montego2d · Jan 25, 2009, 10:32 PM

Originally Posted by MarkwithaK

That doesn't mean he is interested. I used to work for Disney on Ice and about 75% of the male cast were gay. I'm not and they know this, just as I knew their orientation. That didn't stop me from being friendly or having drinks with them. Point is, in this situation there is a line and as long as it isn't crossed then no worries. You have no idea what is going on in this guy's head and if you cross that line then you may very well lose his friendship.

I realize that I could lose him as a friend, considering our friendship is so new. But would it not be better to be honest with him and hope that something good comes of it? I mean, I obviously don't know what's going on in his head, but if he has any sort of perception at all, he's had to have picked up on something. I mean, I hang around him and talk to him while on my break from work, and that's all I do on my breaks. I mean, I have had other people ask me if I had a thing for him, so he either doesn't care or is completely oblivious.

MarkwithaK · Jan 25, 2009, 10:39 PM

Listen, it's a rough position for a straight guy to even suspect that gay male has 'feelings' for him. You obviously are going to do whatever you it is you decide I'm just trying to give you a little bit of insight from this side of the fence.

montego2d · Jan 25, 2009, 10:44 PM

Originally Posted by MarkwithaK

Listen, it's a rough position for a straight guy to even suspect that gay male has 'feelings' for him. You obviously are going to do whatever you it is you decide I'm just trying to give you a little bit of insight from this side of the fence.

I appreciate the insight, and I will consider it, because it was already in the back of my mind (which is the reason I really don't know what to do). I'm just in an emotional upheaval right now. My judgment is clouded right now. I still welcome others to comment though, as I do want more points of view.

talaniman · Jan 27, 2009, 11:09 AM

I think Mark is right, and you should appreciate the friendship from an open minded person, and not abuse it with getting carried away by your attractions, or intense feelings.

That's called respect, and is the building block of any relationship.