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kuulski · Jan 22, 2009, 11:17 AM

Hi guys I have posted several times in my quest to find the true me and get past the sadness and moodyness that has basically overwhelmed my life I realized something. I look for a mothers love from everyone close to me. My mother didn't raise me my grandmother did and she was verbally and emotionally abusive. I believe I have been very dependent on people close to me to love me like my mother/grandmother didn't. My relationships usually become overwhelming for the person I am with and the ties are cut. The only person I had very serious issues with is my daughters mother who I have not been with in 6 years. My ? Is how do I move past this dependence? How do I build up my confidence so that I can move past this and be more healthy. I have been doing more physical activity as a stress reliever but I believe the main issue here is my need for a mothers love that I never had. It has caused me great heartache as I am 32 and still single... never been married single parent to a 13 year old girl and I believe this is directly affecting my ability to be more then just a provider but to show my daughter the unconditional love she deserves. Your input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

hoightoider · Jan 24, 2009, 11:57 PM

I suggest you get into therapy.

artlady · Jan 25, 2009, 12:13 AM

You are clearly aware of your issues and where they stem from and that is positive.You are willing to change,that is good.

My concern here is the daughter you mention. You are unable to bond with her as a result of your neglectful childhood? Yet you are doing the same with her?

Sadly,there is often a cycle of abuse and neglect and its good that you want to end it. And you can and you will,if that is what you are willing to work toward.

If you want something badly enough I believe you can do it.Sometimes it takes the insight of someone objective to guide you.

I realize not everyone has insurance but most towns have some free mental health programs for families in crisis.

Contact someone who ,as an outsider, can help you.Sometimes its just too big to look at and solve on your own.

Do this for your daughter as you will never be able to take back the time lost but you can start today to have that relationship that is most important to a young woman,the one she has with her father.It will pattern who she is and the choices she makes.

Best of luck.. Michele