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cjeep23 · Jan 15, 2009, 01:04 PM

I agree with Mark. She is just trying to soften the blow initially by telling you that she just needs a break. Don't waste your time bro. Its not worth it, there is someone else out there. Man up and forget her. And yeah there probably is another guy that's why things like this usually happen.

Some1HelpPlz · Jan 15, 2009, 01:17 PM

I don't want to give you a false sense of hope, but I just wanted to share story.

I like you was a heartbroken, depressed totally confused guy last Last May. My Fiancé told me things are not the same and that she has to take a break to sort things out. I had a week to try and change her mind, all while watching her pack her belongings right in front of me. All gifts and cards and stuffed animals that I got her over a 6 year period stuffed in a box and never to resurface. Or so I thought.

She finally left on a Saturday, I had to leave while she loaded up, way too painful to watch. An hour later, her sister calls me and says to take care and no hard feelings, blah, blah ,blah. Her sister has been telling Her to break up with me for months prior. I simply rolled my eyes and said see you around.

After that I said Eff this and turned off my phone until Monday Morning. Occasionally checking messages and sure enough she called crying on Sunday sometime. I didn't call her back even though I wanted to. She called Monday afternoon and I answered she told me she loves me and made a mistake by leaving and wants to come back home to sort things out together. I was so happy.

She came home the next day and sat down and talked about what we could both change about each other and so on. Well everything was great for a week. We are still together to this day, and Its not the same.

My trust in her is gone from all the lies she has told me. She lies about stupid stuff so I don't get mad, Well I only get mad when she is lying to me. Hard to explain, but I think you get it. I know I am not making her happy and I think she feels stuck in the relationship. I don't really know anymore. I think either one of us would split if someone else came into our lives.

I guess what I am trying to say is I wish we had taken a longer break last May so we could both get our crap together and either reconsile and be happy ALWAYS or move on to self happiness.

Sometimes getting what you ask for is not that great. Take care, good luck.

NorthernNiceGuy · Jan 15, 2009, 01:23 PM

The above comment holds a lot of truth... Use this time to get things in your life together and find happiness on your own. Then and only then can any reconciliation take place, when you have a clear mind and can rationally make decisions.

When couples do get back together it is never the same... and more often then not they eventually break up for the same reasons.

Focus on you right now.

Gearhe4d · Jan 22, 2009, 08:50 PM

Well, it's been two months now, still on a break, and she still seems to talk to me basically every day through MSN, and we have decently long conversations. What the hell does this mean exactly? I kind of expected her to be dating someone new by now, or something. Still kind of feels like we're in awkward limbo. I'm doing my best to not bother her, or talk about us, or try to make her feel pressured into getting back together. We've even planned a trip together to go to Portland (which is about three hours away from where we live) to visit her brother and a friend of mine for a few days. I'm curious as to how I should act during this trip.

Gearhe4d · Jan 22, 2009, 08:57 PM

I guess I'm just losing my mind over this whole situation because I know now exactly what I've done wrong, by being around her too much and not seeing her interest fade, but I'm afraid I could end up going the rest of my life never getting another chance with her, and she really is very very special, and I will not meet another person like her.

411Help · Jan 22, 2009, 09:03 PM

You will not meet another person like her..

That's true. Because, probably you'll meet someone better.

Stop fearing the future and live in the present. Stop contacting her.

Gearhe4d · Jan 22, 2009, 09:05 PM

Originally Posted by 411Help

You will not meet another person like her.. ?

That's true. Because, probably you'll meet someone better.

Stop fearing the future and live in the present. Stop contacting her.

I'm not contacting her, she is contacting ME.

NorthernNiceGuy · Jan 22, 2009, 09:07 PM

411 is right, no you won't meet anyone else like her... then again when you do meet someone new you can say the same thing about her. You are going to meet someone that is not going to lose interest in you, that in itself makes her better than your ex. Fixating on something like she was the only one for me and there will never be another is irrational.

NorthernNiceGuy · Jan 22, 2009, 09:08 PM

Originally Posted by Gearhe4d

I'm not contacting her, she is contacting ME.

You respond though... doesn't make it OK.

Gearhe4d · Jan 22, 2009, 09:10 PM

Well, then what am I supposed to do about the Portland trip?

NorthernNiceGuy · Jan 22, 2009, 09:25 PM

You are dragging yourself through the gantlet here. Think about it, it's been two months and you are no better off than you were when this first happened. In all honesty you are going to be miserable for a long long time at this rate. You are brutally falling into the friend role right now and you are letting it happen. There is nothing confusing about this or what she is doing. She misses you, of course she does! But she has discovered that even though you two have broken up you are there at her beck and call, and this makes her feel better... while of course making you feel worse.

This portland trip is the absolute worse thing you could do! You are going to miserable as you realize this girl beside you isn't "yours" anymore... and that she doesn't want to be with you. And you won't be able to act like your old self, you will be awkward and emotional. This trip is going to set you back big time... honestly gear, if you don't stop you are never going to feel better, I know how much this pain hurts TRUST ME, and that is no way to live your life, and that is no way the person you love should make you feel. She wanted a break, so you should have given it to her... She doesn't get to contact you unless its about getting back together. She's having her cake and eating it too, and you have no one to blame but yourself.

I say ALL this as someone who recently went through it. I was with her for 4 years! That's a pretty long time, and don't for a second think I loved her any less than you did. I am me again though, and I owe that to the great people on this site that pushed me through it. But you have to listen to them to make it happen.

talaniman · Jan 22, 2009, 09:30 PM

Can we get answers, please?

I'm not contacting her, she is contacting ME.

You let her, why?

Well, it's been two months now, still on a break,

How much progress have you made to define this relationship the way you want it?

Well, then what am I supposed to do about the Portland trip?

Why would you be going on a trip of that kind with her? What have you got to gain, besides be a driver?

Last question, is this trip going to get you back together or what?

Gearhe4d · Jan 22, 2009, 09:35 PM

I guess I thought the trip to Portland would be a good way of getting just the two of us together for awhile, and let us spend time amongst friends together, and I was hoping she might realise how much fun she is having and possibly it could get her back on track to being interested in me again?

Is this such a bad idea?

MarkwithaK · Jan 22, 2009, 09:36 PM

Originally Posted by Gearhe4d

Well, then what am I supposed to do about the Portland trip?

Um... don't go?
Can't you see that you're caught in a giant game of emotional Pong. To expect the little ball but do anything but bounce back and forth is just foolish. This broad is using you to fill in some emotional need she has.

MarkwithaK · Jan 22, 2009, 09:38 PM

Originally Posted by Gearhe4d

I guess I thought the trip to Portland would be a good way of getting just the two of us together for awhile, and let us spend time amongst friends together, and I was hoping she might realise how much fun she is having and possibly it could get her back on track to being interested in me again?

Is this such a bad idea?

YES!! Just because she has fun with you while others are around means nothing. She will most likely attribute that good time with the group as a whole and not just you. It could seriously backfire.

NorthernNiceGuy · Jan 22, 2009, 09:39 PM

Originally Posted by MarkwithaK

Um....don't go?
Can't you see that you're caught in a giant game of emotional Pong. To expect the little ball but do anything but bounce back and forth is just foolish. This broad is using you to fill in some emotional need she has.

Exactly, and it's a horrible idea.

bnc995 · Jan 22, 2009, 09:49 PM

Its not unheard of, but its likely its over. I mean look at the posts above. Yeah you don't want to hear it but they are right.

Gearhe4d · Jan 22, 2009, 09:58 PM

So, telling her the Portland trip is off, and then completely breaking contact with her and not letting her contact me anymore is going to give me a better chance of getting her back?

And don't give me the "Stop thinkign about her" stuff, I can't just make myself turn off like that, I try to put my mind into other things and for the past two months not a single minute of any day has gone by without my 90% of my thoughts involving her or what I might be able to do, or what I should not do.

If I could just turn off my brain this would be no problem, and cutting her off wouldn't be as impossible.

411Help · Jan 22, 2009, 10:00 PM

You need to realize that it's over.

Stop responding.
That's when the mixed emotions end.

Dude, your not cutting contact with her to increase your chances to get her back. You're cutting contact with her so you can get YOURSELF back. As I can see, you've lost yourself and your identity in all this mess. And, if you want a healthy relationship with ANYBODY, YOU NEED Yourself BACK.

talaniman · Jan 22, 2009, 10:01 PM

Are you happy with this arrangement?